


Petrichor

by Crimson_Peak



Series: Tomily [1]
Category: Actor RPF, British Actor RPF, Real Person Fiction, Tom Hiddleston - Fandom
Genre: Abortion, Angst, Best Friends, Character Death, F/M, Fluff, Mutual Pining, Smut, Timeline is a little out though, Tom is an only child, Vaguely Canon Compliant in places
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-24
Updated: 2018-12-24
Packaged: 2019-08-07 02:39:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 48,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16399820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crimson_Peak/pseuds/Crimson_Peak
Summary: Emily clung to her mothers legs, sobbing heavily as the woman tried to prise her away, encouraged by the teacher,‘Let’s find you someone really friendly to sit next to. I think I know just the person’She lead her forwards towards a little boy sitting in the library section of the classroom, flicking happily through a picture version of The Jungle Book,‘Thomas?’ Mrs Williams called, causing the boy to look up,‘This is Emily. She’s feeling a bit scared and I wondered if you would look after her for me?’She encouraged Emily forwards and she sat down next to the boy cautiously as he stared at her with a big grin, reaching out and taking her hand,‘Hello I’m Thomas. Don’t be scared, school is going to be fun! I’ll look after you’Emily spent a moment looking at Thomas, before reaching up and twirling one of his unruly blonde curls around her finger, ‘I like your hair’ she giggled. He shifted closer to her, sliding the book so it was half on her lap too,‘I’m reading the Jungle Book. Do you like it?’Emily nodded.‘Me too! That means we can be friends. Best friends’ Thomas replied.That was the first time Emily Grace Mayhew met Thomas William Hiddleston.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hiiiiii! Welcome to my first ever attempt at a fic! We're going straight in here with some fluff and smut. It's all cute though.

_ I can still see you standing there _

_ Summer tangled in your hair _

_ First week of July _

_ First day of my life. _

_ _ ~ _ _

 

Emily leapt out her seat as the school bell rang. Summer Holidays were finally here. While most sixteen year old kids were now at the awkward stage of their teenage years where they didn’t want to go away with their parents on holiday because they were too old and too cool for all that, Emily lived for their family summer break. Because it meant she got to spend 4 weeks hanging out with her best friend. When they’d met on their first day at Primary school aged just five, they’d become instant friends, and from that day on they had spent every moment possible together, in turn meaning their parents became close friends too. Emily’s dad had died in a car accident when she was eighteen months old and she had no memories of him. Fortunately her father had been in a very senior position in a bank in the city, so upon his passing her mother had inherited a large amount of money and thankfully she hadn’t had to struggle for money as well as having to deal with the grief of losing her husband and bringing up a child on her own. As Toms mother Diana was separated from his father, the women became incredibly close and provided constant support to each other. When Tom went to boarding school two years later, Emily cried for days and refused to go to school for nearly two weeks. That was when their parents had first arranged for them to go on holiday together during the summer break, and ever since then it had been a yearly tradition. Although Emily and Tom still spoke almost every day and Tom always came home at half term, summer was the chance for them to really catch up. Despite their parents wondering if their friendship might dwindle as they reached their teenage years, it was quite the opposite and if it was possible, they grew closer. Tom was the first person Emily thought of when she woke up, and the last person she thought of before she fell asleep and she knew the feeling was mutual. She was sure that there would never be a point in her life when Tom wasn’t around.

Emily’s mother was waiting outside the school gates for her and she flung herself into the car and smiled eagerly at her,

‘Let’s go’

It was an 8 hour drive down to Cornwall where their hired holiday home was, so Emily plugged her headphones in and tipped her head back, closing her eyes in the hope she could sleep for a good part of the journey, and when she woke up her best friend would be waiting for her.

~

Tom paced the large living room of the cottage, checking his watch for the hundredth time. Although he broke up from boarding school earlier than normal state schools which was quite cool, it meant Emily and her mum arrived a day later than them, and being stuck here with his own mum was boring. He’d walked around the garden, kicked a football around a bit, watched TV, even started to read a little of his beloved work of Shakespeare that he’d brought with him, but it was just…….he couldn’t settle knowing his best friend would be here soon. He hadn’t seen her since Easter and although they spoke on the phone almost every day, it wasn’t the same. He couldn’t wait to see her face - her smile. It was his favourite thing about her, even when they were kids. That first day at school when she smiled at him as she tugged on his hair, he remembered thinking then even as a five year old what a lovely smile she had. It lit up her whole face.

Tom checked the time again as his mother walked into the room,

‘When do you think they’ll get here? he asked. Diana opened her mouth to reply but a noise on the drive made them both turn to look, as a cars headlights pulled up outside. She turned back to her son and smiled,

‘Now’

Tom laughed and followed Diana to the front door, pushing past her as he saw Emily swinging the car door open and climbing out, immediately looking for him. Her face lit up as he started towards her and she ran up to him, jumping into his arms and wrapping her legs around his waist

‘Ooomph’ he gasped, trying to stop her from slithering out of his grip, ‘Hey you’

‘Missed you’ she mumbled into his neck. Tom turned to her and buried his face in her hair, breathing in her familiar smell. Easing her vice like grip on him, Emily slid back to the ground and stepped back smiling as she reached up and twirled a curl of his hair around her finger,

‘Your hair’s grown, as has the rest of you!’

Tom smirked as he looked down at her, ‘yeah I guess I probably have’

‘Gosh Thomas, you have shot up!’ Exclaimed Emily’s mother, Anne, as she approached and Tom leant over to greet her with a kiss on the cheek, ‘you must be nearly six foot?’

Tom nodded, ‘yeah, almost’

‘And how’s school?’ Anne asked

Tom nodded again, ‘it’s great. It’s hard, but I’m enjoying it’

‘I need you to have a word with this one’ Anne gestured towards her daughter who rolled her eyes, ‘at the last parents evening every single one of her teachers said she could do so much better if she just concentrated a bit more’

Tom looked at Emily as Anne moved away to greet Diana, ‘Em, you’ve got to work hard. If you want to get a job in London when we move there you need to get the best grades possible’

Emily waved her hand at him, ‘you’ll be a famous actor by then, I won’t need to work’ she smiled cheekily and winked.

For the last year or so they had been talking about what they would do when they left school/college/university. Tom had always dreamt of being an actor and one night had told Emily how he wanted to move to London as that’s where a lot of the agents and auditions seemed to be based. Without hesitation Emily had replied that if he was moving to London, so was she. They’d spent the rest of the phone call talking about how they’d move to London together and Tom would become a famous actor while Emily would get a job working in the city. Maybe they’d get a dog? One thing was for sure though, wherever one of them went, the other would follow.

Tom caught up with Emily as she walked towards the house, ‘seriously Em. Please. Just try a bit harder? Do it for me’

Emily paused with her hand on the front door, ‘that’s a low blow, Hiddleston’

‘You said you’d do anything for me’ Tom said, smiling cheekily. Emily rolled her eyes and sighed, ‘I hate you’

~

Four weeks went by so quickly. Emily huffed as she looked at Tom who was sat on the other end of the sofa in the conservatory with her feet in his lap, and threw down the magazine she’d been reading,

‘I can’t believe we’ve only got three days left’

Tom patted her legs and picked up the issue of Cosmopolitan, flicking through it disinterestedly,

‘I know. Remember when we were kids and we got to see each other every day?’

Emily sighed again, more softly this time, watching as Tom stopped at a page in the magazine and topped it towards her, ‘do these actually work?’

Emily looked at the article, ‘10 top tips for a great sex life’. She shrugged as she looked back at him, ‘I don’t know’

Tom closed the magazine and dropped it on the floor, ‘you haven’t done it yet then?’

She shook her head, ‘I go to an all girls school. I barely ever get the opportunity to meet boys, let alone have sex with them. I’ve only kissed that one boy when we went on the school trip with the boys school from Didcot’

‘You shouldn’t just do it with anyone anyway, not your first time. It should be with someone special’ Tom replied.

‘I know but what chance do I have of finding anyone, special or not?’ she huffed.

‘If it makes you feel better, I haven’t done it either. Girls aren’t interested in me. I’m just the weird boy who likes Shakespeare’ Tom sighed

Emily giggled, ‘we’re such losers’

Tom chuckled as they both fell silent, looking out the windows across the sweeping fields stretching as far as they could see. Tom had an idea. It was crazy, wasn’t it? He took a deep breath, ‘we could…….you know, do it?’

Emily stared at him, ‘what, have sex? Me and you?’

Tom nodded eagerly, lifting her feet up so he could turn himself to face her, ‘yeah! I mean, think about it! We’re both virgins so if we’re shit the other one isn’t even going to know. We could do it tomorrow night when our parents go out for their last night dinner’

Emily just stared at him, ‘but you said it should be with someone special?’

‘Em, we’re best friends. How much more special can it get?’

‘But that’s my point Tom, you’re my best friend! If we have sex everything will be weird’

Tom reached out and took her hand, ‘I promise you that you will always, always, be my best friend. Nothing will ever change that’

‘Promise?’ Emily questioned

Tom nodded, ‘God, I’m sorry. What was I thinking? I should never have suggested it. It was a ridiculous idea’

Emily looked at him as she thought for a minute, before smiling at him, ‘let’s do it’

~

Tom shut the water off and stepped out the shower, reaching for a towel and wrapping it around his waist. He walked over to the sink rested a hand on either side of it, leaning forward and looking at his reflection in the mirror. The reality of what him and Emily were about to do was really sinking in now. He was about to have sex for the first time and not only that, he was doing it with his best friend. Yesterday it had seemed like the perfect solution to their teenage sexual curiosity, but now Tom had to admit he was kind of scared. What if Emily was right, what if it did make things weird? What if she laughed when she saw him naked? What if he couldn’t get an erection? Trying to rationalise his thoughts, Tom shook his head as he grabbed his toothbrush and squeezed toothpaste onto it, before starting to brush his teeth. Of course he would be able to get it up, he was a 16 year old boy, his hormones were crazy! And although Emily was his best friend and nothing more, she was a beautiful girl. Shit, what if he came really quickly? Perhaps he should have a wank now? His cock twitched just at the thought of being touched, and he quickly spat his toothpaste into the sink, dipping his head to take a sip of water and wash it around his mouth, before spitting that out too. Yanking the towel away from his waist he stepped towards the toilet, getting a hand around his already semi hard length. He let out a ragged breath as he tugged roughly at himself. Being at boarding school and having to share a bathroom with a dozen other boys, he’d soon mastered the art of getting this done quickly, and within a couple of minutes he was gritting his teeth as he spilled into the toilet and over his hand. He turned back to the basin and rinsed his hands before picking the towel up off the floor and securing it back around his waist. He opened the bathroom door and wandered across the hall, pausing outside Emily’s bedroom door. Should he check she was ok, that she still wanted to do this? Before he could give it any more thought Diana appeared at the top of the stairs,

‘There you are! We’ll be heading off in about ten minutes. Are you and Emily going to be ok?’

Every year in the final evening of the holiday, their parents went out for a meal without Tom and Emily. In past years they had hired a babysitter for the night, and this was the first year that they had decided that two of them were old enough to be left on their own for the evening. Tom smiled and nodded at his mother, ‘we’ll be fine Mum. We’ll just watch a film or something probably. I might sleep in her room with her tonight’

‘Go and put some clothes on then. I’m just going to let Emily know that we’re heading off. Don’t wait up for us, I’ll see you in the morning, Ok?’ Diana leant up to kiss her son goodbye and then Tom headed into his room and sat down on the bed with a sigh. He was sure it was perfectly normal to be this nervous. Now, what should he wear? He was over thinking this. He’d just put some shorts on. He’d be taking his clothes off again anyway, so there wasn’t much point in dressing up. He heard the front door shut and car door open and close as he pulled on a pair of denim shorts, and peered out the window as his mother’s car disappeared down the drive. Ok, this was it. He paused to take a deep breath, before going to his rucksack and rummaging through it for the condoms that he’d bought earlier that day, claiming that he had a headache as an excuse to cycle to the village and nip into the chemist to purchase them. He opened his bedroom door quietly and padded across the hall, knocking on the door to Emily’s room, ‘Em? Can I come in?’

Suddenly the door opened and Emily stood there, smiling at him nervously,

‘Hi’

‘Hey’ he breathed. Emily stepped back into the room and he followed her in, closing the door gently behind him. Emily sat down on the bed and looked at him. He could see she was just as on edge as he was. Trying his hardest to look causal, Tom walked over to the bed and lay down, resting his hand behind his head.

‘Did you get the condoms?’ Emily asked. He nodded, pulling them out his pocket and handing them to her. She took them and studied the box briefly before setting them down on the bedside table.

‘Are you ok?’ He asked her, watching as she chewed on her fingernail. She smiled again, ‘yeah. I’m just a bit nervous’

‘Me too’ Tom replied. He sat up and looked at her, ‘Em, we don’t have to do this if you don’t want to’

‘I do’ she answered immediately. They looked at each other and Tom knew he was going to have to be the one to make the first move. He shuffled closer to her on the bed, Emily never taking her eyes off him as he reached up and cupped her cheek in his hand, before leaning in and kissing her tentatively, just pressing his lips against hers chastely, to gage her reaction. He was about to pull away when Emily wrapped her hands around the back of his neck and opened her mouth, deepening the kiss and sliding her tongue against his. They spent a few minutes like that, exploring each other’s mouths, the kiss becoming more and more heated, until Emily pulled on Toms shoulder as she lay back. He followed her, his chest on top of hers. Cautiously, Tom ran his hand down Emily’s side and dipped under the hem of her t shirt, resting it flat on her stomach, ‘can I take your top off?’ He whispered into her mouth. She broke the kiss and bit her lip, nodding. Tom gently slid the garment upwards, and Emily wriggled her arms out and pulled it over her head, throwing it off the side of the bed. Holding his gaze, she reached around behind her back and unhooked her bra, sliding the straps off her shoulders and discarding it on the floor too. Tom couldn’t help it as his eyes dropped to her chest taking in her small, pert breasts and his cock twitched in response. He looked back up to her face and leant forward, searing their mouths back together. Fighting back the nervous knot in his stomach, he trailed his hand slowly up her torso and cupped her breast, running his thumb over her nipple. Emily’s breath hitched and Tom took that as a good sign, so he released her mouth and trailed light kisses across her jaw, down her neck and across her chest until his tongue was replacing his thumb, as he gently sucked and circled her nipple. Emily squirmed underneath him but her hands stayed steady on his shoulders.

‘Em’ he whispered, ‘don’t be scared. You can touch me’

It seemed like this was all the encouragement she needed as her hands slid down his back and dived under the waistband of his jeans, grabbing the flesh of his bum, pulling him closer to her. Tom involuntarily rutted against her hip, growing harder by the second. She must have been able to feel it as suddenly her hands were at the front of his shorts and she was pulling his flies open and easing his shorts and boxers down over his hips. With one final kiss between her breasts, Tom moved back from her so that he could slide his shorts the rest of the way off, and when he turned back towards her she was openly staring at his cock. He couldn’t help but feel slightly self conscious under her gaze, but he knew he was pretty blessed in that department so he let her look, until her eyes finally met his again,

‘You ok?’ He asked her. She nodded in response, reaching for his arm and pulling him back towards her, guiding his hand down her stomach and tucking it under her shorts so that it rested just above her sex before she let go and reached down between them, wrapping her hand around his cock and starting to stroke him . Fuck, it felt nothing like his own hand. It was a million times better and he groaned quietly as he claimed her mouth again, biting gently on her bottom lip as he slid his hand lower, until it was at her entrance and he was sliding a finger into her slowly. Emily broke the kiss as she arched off the bed and moaned. It was the most erotic sound Tom had ever heard and it spurred him on to keep going, to hear her make that noise again. He withdrew his finger, now slick with her wetness, and ran it over her clit. She tightened her grip on his cock and made the noise again. Tom withdrew his hand completely and tugged on the waistband of her pyjama shorts,

‘Em, I need these off. Lift your bum up’

She obliged immediately and Tom pulled them down her legs and she kicked them off, before lifting her head off the bed in search of his mouth, as her hand dropped back to his cock. He caught it and smiled at her as he shook his head, ‘you’ll make me come’

She bit her lip and giggled as he reached back down between her legs, watching as her eyes fluttered shut and she gripped his bicep while her other hand reached around behind him pulling him back into a kiss. His confidence growing, he slid two fingers into her this time, slicking them up before he circled over her clit again,

‘Fuck’ she whispered into his mouth as her grip on his arm became impossibly tighter. With every move of his fingers she breathed harder and his now painfully erect cock twitched against her hip, until suddenly Emily’s whole body stiffened and she cried out, her nails digging into his flesh as she panted and writhed beneath him, riding the waves of pleasure surging through her body. He stroked her through it until she squeaked and grabbed his wrist, pushing it away from the over sensitive bundle of nerves as she tried to catch her breath. Tom linked his hand with hers and studied her face as she looked up at him with flushed cheeks and a shy smile,

‘Still ok?’ He asked

‘Absolutely’ she breathed, giggling. Tom glanced over to the bedside table where the box of condoms lay. He reached across her and picked it up, taking one of the foil packets out and carefully tearing it open. Casting his mind back to the cringeworthy sex education lessons he’d had to endure at school, he pinched the tip of the condom and rolled it down onto his length. He looked back at Emily and took a breath before getting up onto his hands and knees and crawling on top of her as she spread her legs so he could settle between them. He loomed over her and supported himself on his knees and elbows,

‘If you want me to stop at any point just say, ok?’

She nodded, reaching up and running her hands through his curls as he rested his forehead against hers,

‘My heart is pounding’ he whispered. Emily responded by pressing her lips against his again, tilting her head to allow his tongue better access, bending her legs at her knees and lifting her hips so the top of Toms cock brushed against her entrance. Breathing heavily, he started to gently push into her. Emily drew in a sharp breath and gripped his arm tightly. He pulled back to see her wincing,

‘Does it hurt?’

‘A bit’

‘Do you want me to stop?’

‘No, just…..go slowly’

Watching her intently Tom started to push further into her. He could tell by her face it was hurting a lot more than she was letting on,

‘Breathe, Em’ he whispered. She visibly let out a breath and with one last push he was fully inside her. He kept still for a few moments to let her get used to the stretch of him, and when he felt her body relax slightly, he started to move. Small, shallow thrusts to start with until Emily wrapped her hands around his back, pulling him closer to her and he knew the discomfort must have passed. He started to thrust deeper, pulling out further and easing back into her slowly, experimenting to see what felt good.

‘Oh my god Em’ he moaned, kissing her again. She gasped in reply as he thrust into her hard. Emily had one hand still tangled in his hair while the other was digging into his bum cheek, pushing him into her as she lifted her hips off the bed allowing him to bury himself in her even deeper. This felt amazing, better than he could ever have imagined and judging by the little breathless whimpers coming from Emily, he must be doing ok. His orgasm hit him like a train as his hips stuttered and he let out a choked groan, burying his face in Emily’s neck as he spilled into the condom. They both lay still for a few minutes, catching their breath until eventually Tom found the energy to lift himself off her and sit up to pull the condom off. He tied it in a knot and held it out infront of him, wrinkling his nose, ‘what the hell are we gonna do with this?’

Emily glanced around the room in search of something to hide it in before pointing at the desk by the window, ‘wrap it in a tissue. There’s an empty crisp packet in my bin, put the tissue in there’ he didn’t miss the way her eyes glanced down at his cock as she spoke to him. Without bothering to put any clothes on, he got off the bed and quickly wrapped up the condom and threw the crisp packet back into the bin. He walked back across the room and climbed back into bed, laying down on his side to face Emily who mirrored his position,

‘I know I’m no expert, but that was incredible’

Emily smiled widely at him, ‘it was. You were very good’

‘Did I hurt you?’

Emily shifted a bit and winced again, ‘a little. But I’ll be fine’

‘Sorry Em’ he frowned, reaching out and linking their fingers together.

‘Tom honestly, I’m ok. It was worth it’

He smiled at her as she turned to look at the clock, ‘we’ve got ages yet’ he replied, reading her thoughts.

She looked down, like she was thinking, and nibbled on her bottom lip, ‘how long does it take before…...you know…...you recover?’

Tom looked at her. Was she suggesting they do it again? ‘Erm…...not long’

As if to prove a point, his cock twitched in interest. Finally making eye contact with him, Emily spoke, ‘could I try something? On you?’

Tom eyed her suspiciously, ‘like what?’

Suddenly she surged forward, kissing him again before pulling back to look at him,

‘Do you trust me?’

He blinked up at her, ‘of course I do’

Emily lifted herself onto her knees and pushed him onto his back, slinging her leg over him so she was straddling him, her still wet sex on top of his cock which immediately started to harden at the contact. She leant down and kissed him, her tongue sweeping into his mouth confidently, ‘then let me try something’ she whispered.she started to shuffle down his body, stopping when she was settled between his legs, and Tom realised what she was about to do as she gripped the base of his cock with her hand. He opened his mouth to speak just as she swirled her tongue over his head and all he could manage was a few expletives. Emily ran her tongue down the length of his cock and back up before swallowing him down in one swift movement. He cursed again and bucked up off the bed, catching her by surprise and making her almost choke. She pulled off and glared up at him,

‘Shit Em, I’m so sorry. I just…..that was amazing’

‘Keep still’ she warned, holding his glance for a few seconds longer before taking him back into her mouth as the hand that wasn’t holding his cock started to gently fondle his balls.

‘Fucking hell’ he moaned, desperately trying not to fuck up into her mouth. He lifted his head off the pillow to watch Emily bobbing up and down, as her hand took care of what wouldn’t fit in her mouth. He could already feel the heat building and he threw his head back as Emily flicked her tongue over his head again,

‘Em, I’m not gonna last…….I’m gonna come’

One of Emily’s fingers dropped to the sensitive spot behind his balls and she hummed around his cock. The combination of both sensations being all it took to send him over the edge,

‘Shit…..I’m coming…..Em, I’m coming’ he gasped. She took him down further as he spurted into her mouth with another string of obsecenities rolling off his tongue. She swallowed it all before letting him go and crawling back up his body, where he immediately grabbed the back of her head and pulled her into a deep kiss, tasting himself on her tongue. Tom wrapped and arm securely around her back and Emily squeaked in surprise as in one movement he flipped them over so he was now on top of her again,

‘Your turn’ he whispered, kissing her hard again as he reached down with one hand and gently slid a finger into her.

‘You don’t have to just because I did’

Tom pulled back and looked at her, ‘I want to’

He slid down her body and knelt between her legs, pushing them wide and kissing the inside of her thigh, trailing up to her sex. He ran his tongue over her softly and she let out a breathy moan and arched off the bed. Tom held her hips in place and circled his tongue around her clit as she squirmed underneath him,

‘Oh my god’ she gasped, reaching down and tangling her hands in his hair. Tom released his hold on her hip with one hand and slid a finger back inside her, sucking gently. Suddenly Emily let out a yell and her thighs practically trapped him in a headlock as she came again, clenching around Toms fingers. After a few seconds she let go of him and he looked up at her, licking his lips as she smiled at him, sighing contentedly. He pushed himself back onto his elbows and crawled up the bed to lay down next to her as she yawned,

‘Will you stay in here with me tonight?’

He nodded, ‘of course I will. I told mum that I probably would seeing as it’s our last night’

‘We should probably put some clothes on though’ Emily giggled

Tom chuckled and reached off the bed to retrieve his boxers as Emily leant off off the other side to collect her own clothes. They got dressed in silence and settled down under the duvet, Emily taking Tom by surprise when she pulled him down and kissed him languidly, sliding her tongue against his. She pulled back and looked at him sleepily, ‘Thank you’

Tom smiled back at her as she continued, ‘still my best friend?’

‘Always’ he confirmed as she reached over and turned off the lamp, settling herself with her back to him. He shuffled up behind her and slid his hand around her waist, ‘I promise’

~

Emily threw her pen down and leaned back in her chair with a groan. She was trying really hard with her schoolwork, but she couldn’t focus. She couldn’t concentrate. It had been four months since their summer holiday and she still couldn’t stop thinking about that night. She found her mind wandering back to it constantly…...the way Tom had kissed her, his naked body on top of hers, the face he’d pulled as he came, even how unruly his ridiculously adorable curls that she’d always loved had looked as he’d strolled naked and unabashed around her bedroom. She knew that being her first time it was always going to be something she wouldn’t forget, but should she be thinking about it this much? She was startled from her thoughts by the phone ringing next to her on the desk in the study. She reached over and lifted the receiver,

‘Hello?’

‘Hey you’

Tom.

‘Hiiiiiiiii’ she breathed, a large smile spreading across her face.

‘How are you? What are you up to?’

Emily wrinkled her nose and picked up her pen again, starting to doodle on her notepad, ‘trying to study’

‘Trying?’

Trying. But I can’t stop thinking about you. What’s happening to me?

‘I’m just a bit tired. My brain’s not working tonight. Anyway…...you ok? How’s Eton?’

‘Eton is the same as always. But I do have something to tell you’

‘Oh?’

‘I’ve got a girlfriend, Em!’

Emily froze, her pen hovering above the elaborate doodle at the top of the page as Tom continued,

‘Her name’s Francesca. She’s gorgeous. You’d really like her too, Em. She’s great. She loves Shakespeare too, how cool is that?!’

‘Great’ Emily stuttered, ‘I mean, yeah…..good for you’

‘You sure you’re ok Em? You don’t sound yourself tonight’

Emily closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose, ‘I’m fine, I’m just tired. Sorry’

‘I’ll be home in a couple of weeks for Christmas. I can help you with your work if you want me to?’

‘Yes, please. I can’t wait to see you’

‘I can’t wait to see you either Em’

Emily took a deep breath, ‘Tom…...do you ever think about…….like……..’

‘About Cornwall?’ He replied, seemingly reading her mind.

‘Yes…...yeah. About Cornwall’ Without even realising it was happening, her body tensed as she waited for his reply.

‘Yeah of course i do! I’m so glad we did it’

Emily breathed a sigh of relief and was about to speak when Tom continued, ‘I mean me and Francesca have such a great sex life, and that’s partly thanks to you! You really are the best friend anyone could ever wish for’

She felt like she’d been punched in the stomach. Tears forming in her eyes, she took a deep breath, ‘great…...that’s, um…….good’

‘Speaking of Fran, I’ve gotta go and meet her soon, so I’d better go. I’ll call you tomorrow, ok?

‘Ok’ Emily replied numbly

‘Bye Em’ the line went dead. Emily reached over and hung up the phone with a sigh. She glanced back at her notepad and groaned as she realised what she’d absentmindedly been doodling while she was talking to Tom. There, in big italic letters surrounded by a perfect heart, was the name of her best friend.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve really struggled with this chapter, so I hope you all like it. Thanks goes out to my amazing beta for all her help and encouragement.....she knows who she is ;)  
> No warnings needed for this chapter.

_Wherever you go_

_Whatever you do_

_I will be right here waiting for you_

_Whatever it takes or how my heart breaks_

_I will be right here waiting for you_

 

_~_

The best laid plans, and all that. Emily wished she’d listened when everyone told her she needed to apply herself more. But after that summer, things had just got worse and her concentration dwindled to pretty much nothing, her mind all consumed with thoughts of her best friend, as her head and her heart battled each other daily. No matter how much she tried to deny it, she knew she had fallen in love with Tom. She’d carried the weight of those feelings for 4 years now and when her lecturer called her and her mum in for a meeting and told her she would have to re take her last year of university, she couldn’t say she was surprised. Meanwhile, Tom was about to graduate and already looking for flats in London. He was leaving her behind. And if that wasn’t bad enough, his constant stream of girlfriends was almost too much for Emily to bear. Francesca hadn’t lasted but after her came Gemma, then Natalie, then Joanne…….and countless more that didn’t even last long enough for Emily to remember their name. She hated them all. At that point she forced herself try and stop getting worked up about it. The only person it was hurting was her. It wasn’t those poor girls fault and it wasn’t Tom’s fault, none of them realised they were doing anything wrong, they didn’t have a clue what was going on inside her head. Their friendship hadn’t changed…...or not for Tom anyway. They were still as close as ever, but now every time Tom hugged her she would hold on to him for that little bit longer, relishing the feeling of being close to him. She lived for his daily calls and texts……..she lived for _him._ That didn’t mean she hadn’t had boyfriends of her own, they just never lasted. No matter how hard she tried to give everything to them, they weren’t Tom. No one ever would be. How could she try and build a relationship with anyone else when she would never be able to love them with the same fierce devotion that she had for Tom?

~

Emily sat on Toms bed and watched as he bundled the last of his clothes into a bulging hold-all. She looked around at his bedroom, remembering all the times they’d shared here as children. From making camps out of blankets as 7 year olds, to watching films at midnight when they were meant to be asleep at 15. Back when things were easy. Back when she didn’t have these god damn _feelings_ that threatened to tear her insides to shreds every single day. With a sign Tom turned to her and smiled sadly, ‘I think I’m done’

Emily just looked at him, biting on her bottom lip harshly as she tried not to cry.

‘Oh Em, don’t get upset! It’s just like me being at boarding school or uni still! But I’ll be able to come home more now, and you can come and visit me too’ he took a step towards her and held out his hands, ‘come here’

 Emily took them and he pulled her up off the bed to her feet before wrapping his arms around her waist and hugging her tightly. That was the last straw for her, and she let out a choked sob. Tom rubbed her back gently,

‘You know I have to do this Em. And it’s only for a year. Once you finish uni you can come down too, yeah?’

‘Yeah’ she mumbled into his shoulder, clinging to him and never wanting to let go.

‘Still my best friend?’ He asked

‘Always’ she whispered in reply.

~

Losing Tom to London seemed to be just the kick up the arse that Emily needed. She threw herself into her uni work, doing her best to put Tom out of her mind, although that was easier said than done when he text her countless times a day to tell her the latest thing that had happened or send her a picture of a London landmark. It seemed he was loving life, and Emily was desperate to get down there with him. Finally a month after Tom had left, they’d arranged a weekend for Emily to go and visit. When she stepped off the tube at Marylebone, she scanned the crowds as she hauled her hold-all over her shoulder.

‘Em! Em!!!! OVER HERE!!’ Toms familiar voice bellowed from her left, causing not only her, but everyone else around her to turn around and look at the over excitable man child that was currently pushing through the stream of people all going in the opposite direction, glaring at him in annoyance. Emily laughed as Tom appeared infront of her and scooped her into a hug, lifting her feet of the floor,

‘Put me down you ridiculous idiot’ she giggled. Tom smiled at her and yanked the hold-all off her shoulder, sliding it over his own and taking her hand, ‘c’mon!’

Emily trotted among behind him as he pulled her through the crowds and onto another train. He placed her hold-all on the floor and draped his arm over her shoulder. She leant against him smiling to herself. God, she’d missed him so much.

‘I can’t wait to show you London’ Tom said quietly, ‘it’s great here Em, you’ll love it’

They got off the tube at Chalk Farm and walked the short distance to Toms flat. It was the top floor of an old converted Victorian house, and it was tiny. Tom lead her into the small living area, letting Emily look around while he opened the door into his bedroom and dropped her bag onto the bed.  

‘This is cute’ Emily commented

‘You mean small’

Emily shrugged, ‘it’s not that small. I like it’

Tom smiled and gestured back towards the bedroom, ‘Are you ok sharing the bed with me? If not I can sleep out here on the sofa’

‘Of course it’s fine! It’s not like we’ve never shared a bed before’ Emily had known this would be the case when she came down to stay, and she’d been dreading it and looking forward to it all at the same time. She was desperate for any opportunity to get close to Tom, but not being able to touch him was going to be _hell_. She was on a constant rollercoaster of emotions but no matter how rough it got, she didn’t want to get off - she just tightened her safety belt and enjoyed the ride. She was in too deep to do anything else.

They settled themselves on the sofa and Tom ordered a takeaway. They ate in comfortable silence as they watched a film, Tom knowing exactly what to put on to make Emily smile. Lilo and Stitch had been her favourite film for as long as she could remember. Her memories of going to watch it at the cinema with Tom and their parents still as vivid as ever. Tom had insisted on getting the biggest box of popcorn the cinema sold, and him and Emily had eaten the whole lot, Anne and Diana incredulous at how they hadn’t felt sick. It was the best cinema trip Emily had ever been on.

Caught up in her memories, Emily glanced across at Tom. Sensing her looking at him, he turned to her,

‘You ok?’

She smiled and nodded, ‘I just missed you, that’s all’

Tom grinned at her and shuffled nearer to her on the sofa, reaching out and stretching his arm around her shoulder, ‘I missed you too. I’m glad you’re here Em’

Emily rested her head against his shoulder and leaned into him, ‘So am I’

~

Emily woke up before Tom the next morning. She’d forgotten how fidgety he was to sleep with. He hadn’t exactly kept her awake all night but she’d been aware several times of him stirring and moving around, and that combined with an unfamiliar bed and just the general close proximity of Tom to her had made for an all round disturbed nights sleep. But nothing had prepared her for what she saw when she rolled over, still half asleep. Tom was laying on his back, both arms stretched over his head and the duvet pooled low around his thighs. Emily had to shove her fist in her mouth to stop herself moaning as she took him in…….his slender chest with just a scattering of hair, the faint outline of his abs, the fine hair that trailed down from his belly button, disappearing under the tight white boxers that were sitting dangerously low on his hips. Holy mother of _god,_ he was breathtaking. She needed to stop looking but she couldn’t. Suddenly Tom stirred and Emily panicked, throwing herself off the side of the bed and stumbling to her feet, grabbing the chest of drawers next to her as she regained her balance and turned around. Tom was still asleep, now on his side with his hands buried under the pillow. Emily backed quickly out the room and ducked into the bathroom, turning the taps on and splashing cold water on her face. She really needed to get a grip. Coffee…...that would work. She needed coffee. Taking a deep breath she opened the door and headed to the kitchen. As she filled the kettle and started to open random cupboards in search of a mug she heard noise behind her and turned to see Tom emerging from the bedroom, having thankfully put on a pair of tracksuit bottoms.

‘Morning’ he mumbled, voice still heavy with sleep as he pulled out a chair and dropped himself into it, yawning as he pointed at the cupboard to Emily’s left, ‘mugs are in there, if that’s what you’re looking for’

‘Yeah, thanks’ Emily replied, opening the door and lifting two mugs off the shelf.

‘Did you sleep ok?’ Tom asked as she busied herself spooning coffee into the mugs. She nodded in response before turning to him,  

‘You’re still a fidget though’

Tom laughed, ‘Sorry. I can sleep out here tonight’

Emily walked towards him with a mug in each hand and put them down on the table, pulling out the chair opposite and sitting on it, hugging her knees to her chest, ‘Don’t be silly, it’s fine’

They sat for a few minutes sipping their coffee, as Tom told her all the things he had planned for them that day. They were basically going on a sightseeing tour of the city. Emily loved how much thought and effort Tom had put into it, making sure she got to see all the landmarks of London. What she really wanted to tell him was that nothing he could show her today would ever be as incredible as him. She would have been quite happy to just stay in his flat all weekend and look at him - he was more beautiful than any building or cityscape. But instead they took turns to shower and get ready, before finally Tom was leading her through the busy streets of Camden. They browsed the market stalls, admired the street art, wandered along the locks, and stopped for a late breakfast at a small cafe that served milkshakes made from every breakfast cereal flavour imaginable. Next,  they caught a tube into the centre of London and visited Trafalgar Square and Nelsons column, before walking up to Leicester Square where they stopped to watch some of the street performers. As they continued on, Tom pointed to the Odeon Cinema,

‘That’s where all the film premieres in London take place. One day, that’ll be me Em. And when I make it, when I have my first big film premiere, and I’m standing on the red carpet in front of all those people, you’ll be standing next to me’

Emily glanced up at him, ‘You’ll probably have a famous actress or supermodel girlfriend that would be much better suited to something like that than me’

Tom stopped and shook his head as he looked at her, ‘Even if I have, it’ll still be you. How could I ever think about taking anyone but my best friend, my favourite person in the _world_ , to my first film premiere? You’ve always been here for me, supporting me unconditionally in whatever I’ve done. I promise you Em, one day you’ll be on that red carpet next to me’

He started to walk again and casually draped his arm around her shoulder. Emily pinched his waist and looked at the floor as she smiled widely. Maybe she’d never get the declaration of love from this man that she was so desperate to hear, but she knew how much she meant to him in other ways, and that was the most she could realistically hope for.

They carried on their tour of the city, walking along Old Bond street, admiring the designer shop windows. As they walked past Tiffany’s, Emily paused as something caught her eye. She pressed and hand gently to the glass as she gazed at the simple white gold bracelet on display.

‘That’s nice’ Tom commented

‘It’s gorgeous’ Emily replied

‘I’ll buy you that when I’m famous too’ Tom jokes as they started to walk again, ‘you can wear it to the film premier’

~

After a visit to Buckingham Palace and Regents Park, they headed back to Toms flat to get changed and then walked back into Camden to grab some dinner, choosing an authentic Italian restaurant overlooking the locks where they ate too much food and drank several glasses of wine. When the waitress brought them the bill, Tom refused to split it with Emily and smiled smugly at her as he handed over his debit card while she stuck her tongue out at him in fake annoyance. Moving on and now both a little tipsy, they decided more drinks were in order and found a small bar where they ordered some elaborately named and over priced cocktails and settled themselves into a booth tucked away in a corner.

‘So do you like London?’ Tom asked eagerly

Emily took a sip of her cocktail and nodded, ‘I’ve had such good day…...thank you’

‘Still going move here with me then?

‘Of course’ she watched as Tom practically downed his drink, ‘you might wanna slow down a bit, don’t you think?’

Tom shrugged and stood up, ‘do you want another?’

Emily screwed her face up, ‘I’m fine thanks. I’m just going to pop to the ladies’

Tom nodded, flashed her a smile and disappeared towards the bar. Emily watched him go before getting up and following the signs to the toilet. She took care of business and washed her hands, staring at her reflection in the mirror. She ran her fingers through her hair and opened her handbag, pulling out her lipstick and re applying it, pouting dramatically. As she exited the toilets she glanced to where her and Tom had been sitting to find him back from the bar, but there was someone with him. Emily stilled, watching the young blonde woman flirting outrageously with him as she sat next to him, her hand placed suggestively on his knee. Tom looked like he was trying to move away from her, glancing around uncomfortably. When his eyes met hers he smiled and waved her over, relief clear on his face. Taking a deep breath Emily started to walk again, and as she reached the booth Tom held out his hand to her, pulling her down next to him and putting his arm around her, looking back to the blonde woman,

‘This is my girlfriend. As you can see I prefer brunettes’

The woman scowled at him and stood up, storming back to her friends who were seated a few tables away. Emily raised her eyebrows at him.

‘Sorry…...she wouldn’t take no for an answer’ Tom apologised, glancing back towards the blonde, ‘oh god, she’s still watching me’ he turned to Emily,

‘Kiss me’

‘What???’

Tom reached up and cupped her cheek, ‘kiss me…...please’

Emily sighed and leant forwards, pressing her lips chastely against his, but as she tried to pull away Tom held her in place, tilting his head and pushing his tongue into her mouth. She squeaked in surprise but then her emotions took over and all rational thoughts went out her head. Tom was kissing her. She opened her mouth and deepened the kiss, sliding her hand up his thigh and stopping just short of his crotch, squeezing gently. She felt him take a sharp breath and suddenly he was pulling her onto his lap,

‘That should do the trick’ he mumbled, wrapping his arm around her waist to hold her in place as he leant forward to pick his drink up from the table. Emily glanced round at the woman who was now paying them no attention, busy talking to her friends. Turning back to Tom, she took the drink out his hand and placed it carefully back on the table,

‘She’s still watching’ she lied, knowing Tom couldn’t see as she was blocking his view. Fuelled by alcohol, she wound her hands around the back of his neck and leant in, licking into his mouth. He kissed her back, his hand sliding up to rest on her bum. Emily knew this wasn’t real, but in that moment she needed to pretend it was so she kissed him with everything she had. She kissed him the way she’d been dreaming about for the last four years…...she kissed him like she loved him. The only thing she was drunk on now was Tom as her tongue glided against his and her stomach flipped. Tom pulled back and looked up at her, breathing hard as he licked his lips,

‘Let’s get out of here’

He practically shoved Emily off his lap as he stood abruptly. He took her hand and paused to pick up his drink and swallow it down in one, placing the empty glass back on the table before he tugged Emily through the bar and out onto the street. Keeping a tight grip on her hand he marched along the pavement, Emily barely keeping up with him. As they reached the end of the town Tom suddenly veered off down a side alley where he turned on Emily, pushing her up against the wall and crashing their lips back together, his hands on either side of her face and his body pressed flush against hers. She let out a breathy moan as she held his waist, keeping him close to her. There was no blonde woman around now, this kiss wasn’t for show. This was real. Emily didn’t know where it was going to lead but she knew exactly what she wanted to happen next. To make it clear to Tom, she dropped her hands to his bum, gripping it hard and pulling him impossibly closer to her. Out of nowhere a loud clap of thunder caused them both to jump, breaking apart. Large drops of rain started to fall, and Tom glanced up at the sky before looking back at Emily. He stepped back towards her and slid his hands around her waist, resting his forehead against hers, smiling,

‘I’m so drunk’ he giggled as the rain came harder. He took her hand and pulled her away from the wall as the heavens opened and the sound of the the rain blurred into a constant thrumming as it bounced off the pavements. Tom and Emily ran back up the hill towards his flat, hand in hand until Emily stumbled,

‘Wait, I need to take my shoes off’ she gasped

‘Em your feet will get soaked!’

Emily laughed as she looked at him, his hair stuck to his face and his drenched clothes plastered to his body,

‘Are you serious?’ She shouted over the noise of the rain, ‘I’m already soaked to the skin’

Tom turned round and backed towards her, ‘get on my back!’ He called over his shoulder. Emily hesitated before grabbing his shoulders and jumping on. Tom hooked his hands under her knees, hauling her further up his back and started to run again. Emily clung to him, both of them giggling uncontrollably as he staggered ungraciously the rest of the way to the flat, and whatever had happened between them minutes earlier was now gone, washed away in the storm.

~

Tom woke up the next morning to a million tiny people banging on the inside of his skull with a million tiny hammers. How much had they drunk last night? He winced and opened his eyes slowly, turning his head to look at Emily who was curled in a ball next to him still fast asleep. He peeled the covers back slowly and quietly climbed out of bed, creeping across the room, grabbing his jogging bottoms off the chair as he went. Once out the bedroom he stepped into them and headed straight for the kitchen, searching in a drawer for some paracetamol. He filled a glass of water and swallowed them down, flicking the kettle on. Last night was hazy, very hazy. He sort of remembered a blonde woman asking for his number in a bar…….where had Emily been? The mere thought of her seemed to jog his memory a little as he remembered her sitting on his lap………….

_Shit._

Emily stirred and opened her eyes. The bed was empty next to her and she could hear Tom moving around in the kitchen. She stretched as her mind went back to the previous evening. Kissing….. _lots_ of kissing. When they’d finally got home they were both absolutely drenched and completely exhausted so they’d just dried themselves off and fallen into bed, both asleep almost immediately. Last night was still hanging over her like the dark cloud that had dropped on them at the most inconvenient moment. What happened now? Deciding it was time to face the music, Emily swung her legs out of bed. She paused, resting her elbows on her knees and rubbing her temples. With a sigh she forced herself to stand up and walk out into the living room. She saw Tom straight away, sitting at the table with his head in his hands. He looked up as she approached,

‘Hey’

Emily smiled as she sat down opposite him,

‘Hey,’ she studied him, ‘you look like shit’

Tom smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes, ‘how much did I drink last night?’

‘Quite a lot’ Emily replied, frowning.

He nodded and looked down at the table, scratching at one of the wood grains nervously,

‘Em……..last night……’

He whole body tensed as she stared at him, waiting for him to continue. Finally he looked up at her, ‘I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have kissed you. It’s all my fault, I have a few drinks and I just get carried away. I should never have done it, not with you’

Emily swallowed down the lump in her throat and nodded quickly, ‘it’s ok’

Tom reached forward and took her hand, ‘it’s not ok. I crossed a line last night and it was totally unacceptable. I’m such an idiot. I mean, you’re my best friend’ he blew out a breath and looked at her, ‘we had such a good day and I ruined it. Forgive me?’

Emily was desperate to tell him that he hadn’t ruined anything, that she’d wanted it, but instead she forced a smile, ignoring the feeling of her heart shattering into tiny pieces right there in front of him,

‘Of course’

Tom smiled at her, squeezing her hand, ‘I’ll make us some coffee’

Only hours later when Emily was back home in Oxford, safe in the confines of her bedroom, did she allow herself to cry until she had no tears left.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a tough one and may be a trigger for some people so continue with caution. It’s also taken from personal experience so please show me some love!!

_You will find me_

  
_In places that we've never been_

  
_For reasons we don't understand_

  
_Walking in the wind_

_~_

London _sucked._ Well, not all of it. Tom had lived there for nearly five years and although he’d had a few small acting parts and just graduated from RADA, he was homesick. He missed his mum, and he missed Emily. For the first year after he moved, they’d practically counted down the days until Emily graduated and could join him. He’d gone home as often as he could and Emily had spent several weekends in London, but when she finally left uni and they’d started to properly talk about her moving, the reality of it all set in. Tom was living in a tiny one bedroom flat in Camden, and he could barely afford to support himself, let alone Emily too, and she’d had no luck so far in finding a job in London. Once again, their plans were put on hold and Emily had reluctantly taken a job at a department store in Oxford while she continued to apply for positions in the city, but nothing had materialised. It was like the universe was conspiring against them, and it made Tom irrationally angry. Yeah, he’d made a few friends now, but it wasn’t the same. God, he missed her so _much._

Emily came down for a weekend once a month, and every time they said goodbye at the station it got harder. Every time he hugged her a little harder and a little longer. Last time she left he barely made it back to his flat before he broke down in tears. Even now years later, he kicked himself for being such an idiot the first time she’d come to stay with him in London. He could so easily have messed everything up and lost her. He’d learnt his lesson though and had never allowed himself to drink that much around her ever since.

Girlfriends were a whole new problem too. Tom hadn’t been short of offers over the last few years and he’d certainly enjoyed his fair share of women’s company, but lately he’d started to feel different. He had no enthusiasm for a relationship with any of them, but he didn’t really know why. They were all very lovely, but he just felt like there was something missing…..something that held him back from taking things any further than a couple of dates and if he played his cards right, some average sex. He just couldn’t put his finger on what that something was.

~

Tom was in the Tesco when he got the call.

‘Hi mum, I’m just in the supermarket at the moment, can I call you back when I get home?’

‘Tom……...it’s Anne. She’s had a brain haemorrhage’

‘Emily’ he stuttered

‘I’m at the hospital with her now’ Diana paused, ‘it’s not looking good darling’

‘I’m on my way’ Tom ended the call without even saying goodbye. He dropped his basket full of food on the floor and ran. He didn’t stop until he got to the underground, jumping straight on the underground to Marylebone where he boarded the next train to Oxford. Only two weeks ago he’d been here saying goodbye to Emily. The journey to Oxford was the longest hour of his life. He stared out the window, his leg jumping nervously as he willed the train to go faster. When it finally pulled in to the station he sprinted off the platform, weaving his way in and out of the crowds towards the exit. He paused outside, catching his breath as he desperately searched for a taxi. He saw one pulling in to his right and dived for it, pushing past the middle aged couple that were already reaching for the door handle to get in,

‘I’m sorry, it’s an emergency’ he apologised breathlessly as he threw himself into the back seat.

The taxi ride to the hospital was only a couple of miles and when he arrived Tom realised he had no idea where he needed to go. Logical place to start was A & E. He barrelled through the doors and launched himself at the reception desk,

‘I’m looking for Anne Mayhew, she was admitted earlier, she’s had a brain haemorrhage…..Anne Mayhew’ he repeated impatiently as the woman behind the desk eyed him cautiously for a few seconds before turning her attention to her computer and tapping away at the keyboard,

‘She’s been moved to ICU. First floor turn left’ she replied flatly. Tom turned on his heels and ran for the stairs, taking them two at a time and darting left at the top. He burst through the doors, immediately being stopped by a nurse with a hand on his chest,

‘I’m sorry sir, you can’t just barge in here’

‘Anne Mayhew’ he gasped, ‘I’m looking for her. Her daughter, Emily’

‘Tom?’

He turned to see Emily and his mother emerging from an office, followed by a stony faced doctor.

‘Tom’ Emily repeated, as her face crumbled and she launched herself at him. He caught her as she grabbed a fistful of his shirt, sobbing into his chest. He looked at his mum as she placed a comforting hand on Emily’s back and looked up at Tom,

‘There’s nothing they can do for her darling. They’re going to switch off her life support. We have to go and say goodbye’

‘Fuck’ Tom cursed, tears pooling in his eyes as he turned his attention back to Emily. He pressed his lips to the top of her head and squeezed his eyes shut, trying to get a hold of his emotions. He needed to be strong for her. Diana patted his arm reassuringly,

‘Come through when you’re ready’ she smiled solemnly and walked away towards the ward. Tom sighed and held Emily tighter as she continued to cry,

‘How is this happening? I can’t think…..It’s all going too quickly’ She stuttered

‘I’m sorry Em’ he whispered. She took a step back and blinked up at him, blowing out a deep breath,

‘Ok. Let’s do this’

Tom reached out and took her hand, ‘I’m right here, ok?’

She nodded slowly and they turned and walked slowly through the doors to the ward. The curtains were drawn around Anne’s bed and when they stepped through them Diana looked up from the chair she had positioned next to Anne, her eyes glassy as she held her hand. Tom stared at the amount of machines that were wired up to the woman he had always looked at as a second mother, and swallowed down the lump in his throat.

‘I’ve said my goodbyes’ Diana said, standing up, ‘I’ll leave you two to say yours and then I’ll come back for when they…….’ she trailed off and looked at the floor, before dodging out behind the curtain. Tom looked across at Emily who was chewing on her thumbnail as she watched her mum silently,

‘Em, I’ll say goodbye and then I’ll leave you alone’

‘No’ Emily turned to him wide eyed and grabbed his arm, ‘don’t leave me, please’

Tom rubbed her back gently, ‘ok. If you want me here, I’ll stay. I’ll do whatever you want’

Emily nodded and Tom walked slowly up to Anne’s bedside and took her hand, his eyes filling with tears again, ‘Goodbye Anne’ he whispered, ‘I’ll look after Em for you always, I promise’

Emily let out a sob behind him as he bent over and kissed Anne gently on the forehead, ‘thanks for the memories…...sleep tight’ he took a step back and turned to Emily, taking her hand and squeezing it as she started to crumble again, ‘I don’t know what to say’ she sobbed, ‘I said goodbye to her this morning when I left for work, when she was…...still here’

Tom pulled her forwards and placed her hand on Anne’s, ‘if that’s what you want to be the last thing you said to her, then that’s fine. We can just sit with her for a bit, we don’t have to talk’

And that’s what they did. They both squeezed into a small plastic hospital chair and sat in silence, holding her hand for a while. Soon Diana reappeared with a nurse, ‘it’s time’ she said with a sad sigh. She pulled another chair around to the opposite side of the bed and took ahold of Anne’s other hand as Tom lifted Emily up so he could sit properly in the chair before pulling her back down onto his lap and wrapping his arm tightly around her waist, his other hand closing over Emily and Anne’s. The nurse watched quietly and when she was sure they were comfortable, she gave a small nod and began fiddling with the machines. Time seemed to slow down as the beeping of the machine got slower and slower until finally it was just a solid tone. Emily sobbed and buried her head in his neck as he looked across at his mum who was staring at the bed, tears trickling down her cheek. Anne was gone. 

~

They went back to Diana’s that night. It was gone midnight by the time they got home, as Diana excused herself and almost immediately went to bed. Tom knew she needed some time alone to grieve without distressing Emily any more so he kissed her on the cheek and gave her a hug,

‘Night mum. Love you’

‘I Iove you too darling. Look after Em’ she replied quietly, before patting him on the arm and retreating upstairs. Tom watched her go before turning back to Emily who was sitting on the sofa staring vacantly into the fire that was burning fiercely in the hearth. He sat down next to her and she instantly dropped her head to rest on his shoulder,

‘You should try and get some rest too’ he whispered to her. She hummed in agreement but made no effort to move. Finally she spoke quietly,

‘Will you stay with me?’

Tom turned and kissed the top of her head, ‘of course I will. Come on’ he took her hand and pulled her off the sofa, leading her slowly upstairs and into his bedroom. Emily sat down on the bed and looked up at him as the realisation dawned on him,

‘I didn’t bring any clothes with me’

‘Oh……..neither did I’

Tom turned to the chest of drawers and pulled it open, rummaging through the old clothes that he’d left there. finding a couple of t shirts, he threw one at Emily, keeping the other for himself. He heard her starting to get undressed behind him so kept his back to her until he heard her pulling back the duvet and climbing into bed. He pulled his jumper over his head, conscious of Emily watching him intently. A few seconds later she spoke,

‘How long can you stay in Oxford for?’

Tom shrugged the old t shirt on and started unbuttoning his jeans, ‘as long as you need me to’

Emily sighed, ‘I wish you could stay forever’

He stepped out of his jeans and walked over to the bed, climbing in next to her, ‘I want you to come back to London with me……’

Emily stared at him as he continued, ‘we’ll find a way to make it work Em. We can share a room and I’ll get a second job or something until you can find some work too. Then we can get a bigger flat. I need to take care of you. Come back with me……...please?’

For the first time that day Emily smiled, ‘yeah…..ok’

‘Yeah?’

‘Yeah’ she replied. Tom smiled back at her and lay down, holding his arm out so she could tuck herself in under it with her head on his chest.

‘Did you mean what you said earlier?’

Tom frowned as he tried to remember what exactly she was referring to.

‘You said you’d look after me…...always’

Tom closed his arm around her shoulder as she snuggled up against him and slid her hand around his waist, ‘Of course I did. You’ll always have me Em, I promise’

~

The next morning Tom caught a train back to London so that he could pick up some clothes and other things that he needed, leaving Emily to go back to her house with his mother to do the same and assuring her he would be back by that evening.

He was walking back to the tube when he suddenly had an idea. Instead of heading back across the city to Marylebone, he caught the tube down to Bond Street. He smiled and nodded as the security guard opened the door to Tiffany’s for him, and was immediately met by a shop assistant.

‘I’m looking for a bracelet’ he mumbled as he paced the display cabinets, studying the multitude of jewellery. He could still clearly picture the bracelet that Emily had admired in the window, but that had been years ago, the likelihood of them still stocking it was slim at best. The assistant loitered awkwardly behind him as he leant on the last cabinet, drumming his fingers on it impatiently. One of the bracelets suddenly caught his attention and he examined it for a few seconds before turning to the lady still hovering behind him,

‘There! That’s it!’ He exclaimed excitedly, tapping his finger on the glass directly above it. She rounded the counter and noted where he was pointing to, taking a bunch of keys from her pocket and unlocking the back to pull out the display tray. She placed it on the counter and Tom inspected it again. Memories of Emily with her hands spread against the window admiring it longingly flashed through his head. He took his wallet out his pocket and produced his credit card, smiling at the assistant. A few minutes later Tom was exiting the shop with a small green box tied with a perfect white ribbon. He tucked it safely into the inner pocket of his jacket and boarded the tube back to Marylebone.

~

The next few weeks were a whirlwind and Emily went into autopilot, focusing on all the things that needed to be sorted out. She’d all but moved in with Diana and Tom, and her childhood home was now clear of furniture and ready to be put on the market, the small amount of furniture Emily had chosen to keep currently piled into Diana’s garage. Unsurprisingly her mother had left everything to Emily, and she was set to inherit a considerable amount of money.  But these things took time and with all the paperwork and legal stuff that had to be satisfied, the money wasn’t going to materialise any time soon.

The day of the funeral was one of the worst of Emily’s life, but once it was over she almost felt relieved. Closure, Tom had called it. Time to move on, make her mum proud. That evening after all the guests had left the wake which Diana had held at her house, Tom and Emily were sitting in the conservatory each with a large glass of wine, staring out into the darkness watching the stars twinkle in the clear sky above them. They’d been silent for a while, both caught in their own thoughts. Tom glanced across at her,

‘You’ve been so brave Em. I’m proud of you’

Emily took a sip of her wine, and shrugged her shoulders, still looking straight ahead, ‘I can’t spend my life crying for her, can I? It won’t change anything…….it won’t bring her back’

‘She’d be proud of you too’ Tom looked back out at the sky, gesturing to it, ‘she’s up there somewhere looking down on us. I’m sure of it’

Emily hummed in what Tom assumed to be agreement as she stared up, sliding her finger around the rim of her wine glass. Tom cleared his throat, ‘I’ve um…..I got you a present. I’ll just go and get it’

He jumped off the sofa and ran upstairs to his bedroom, going to his chest of drawers and taking out the box from Tiffany’s. Heading back downstairs, he sauntered into the conservatory, the box clasped behind his back. Emily eyed him suspiciously as he sat down on the sofa next to her and revealed the box, holding it out to her. Emily took it cautiously,

‘What’s this?’

‘Open it’ he urged

She glanced up at him and back down at the box, before gently pulling on the ribbon and taking the lid off. She gasped and looked at him wide eyed,

‘Oh my god……..Tom……’ she picked the bracelet out the box and held it up.

‘I thought you deserved a little present’ he whispered, taking it from her, ‘here, try it on’

Emily held her arm out and he fastened it around her wrist. She touched it gently with her other hand and looked up at him,

‘I can’t believe you remembered’

‘I promised you I’d buy it for you one day, didn’t I?’

Emily launched herself at him, throwing her arms round his neck and hugging him, ‘I love it, thank you. But you shouldn’t have, it must have cost you a fortune’

Letting her go, Tom shrugged, ‘I wanted to make you smile’

‘You certainly did that’

‘Then it was worth every penny’

Emily looked at him, and she wanted to cry. Not for her mum, but for the man sat next to her. The man who was so kind, caring and selfless. The man that she knew would do anything to protect her. Why couldn’t he love her?

‘Have you ever been in love?’ She blurted without thinking. Tom turned and looked at her,

‘Where did that come from?’  

_I want to know if you’ve ever felt completely consumed by one person, if you’ve ever felt like your heart only beats because of that person. I want to know if you’ve ever loved someone the way I love you._

Emily shrugged, ‘just curious’

Tom thought for a moment and shook his head, ‘No. I don’t think so, anyway. Have you?’

‘No’ Emily lied. She wished she could tell him the truth but she couldn’t risk losing him…..not now. He was all she had left. If he ever found out it would change everything, and no matter how much it hurt her to know he didn’t have the same feelings as her, it would hurt even more to not have him in her life at all. Although she had to admit the thought of moving to London with Tom was scaring her. With Tom’s flat being so small, they were going to have to live very closely together, they were going to have to _share a bed._ Emily genuinely wasn’t sure how she was going to deal with that. One one hand, the idea of getting into a bed with an almost naked Tom every night was very appealing, but on the other hand, she knew she couldn’t do anything. He’d made his feelings perfectly clear several years ago, the night they’d kissed. He very clearly considered it one big mistake, and Emily wasn’t prepared to go through that humiliation again.

‘Tom…...are you sure this is going to work? Me moving to London I mean’ she asked him cautiously.

Tom sighed, ‘I don’t know. But I do know that I’m not leaving you behind again Em. We’ll find a way, ok?’

Emily looked at him as he smiled at her reassuringly. She looked into his beautiful blue eyes and it almost took her breath away. He was so impossibly gorgeous and perfect and…...ugh, why did the universe hate her so much?

‘Em?’

Snapping out of her daydream, Emily refocused on Tom as he looked at her with a frown, ‘you ok? You zoned out there for a minute?’

She smiled and nodded, ‘yeah…...yeah, I’m fine’

Tom slid towards her and took her hand, ‘I know it’s a huge step for you, especially with everything that’s happened over the last few weeks, and I know you’re scared, but I’ll look after you Em. You never need to be scared, about anything. I’ll always be right here, next to you. I promise’

Emily looked at him and smiled, squeezing his hand, ‘you’re my favourite person in the world. You know that, don’t you?’

Tom chuckled and pulled her into a hug, ‘you’re mine too. And still my best friend’

‘Always’ Emily replied.

 


	4. Chapter 4

_Every time I breathe and take you in_

_My heart beats again_

_Baby I can’t help it_

_You keep me drowning in your love_

 

_~_

 

_I’ve got a surprise for you x_

Emily frowned as she walked along Oxford street towards the tube, re reading the text from Tom. It had been eight months since she’d moved to London, and things were actually going pretty well. She’d got a job as a sales assistant in the menswear department at Selfridges and although it wasn’t an earth shattering career and the hours were hit and miss, it gave her enough money to survive.

Tom had got a few film roles and had just come back from three months away filming ‘War Horse’, which was a period drama based on a book and directed by Kenneth Brannagh. Even Emily had heard of him, and Tom had been so excited to work with him and had talked about him non stop for almost two hours without barely taking a breath when he’d got home. Emily had listened to all his stories from set, indulging his enthusiasm. She was so glad to have him back, but most of all she was proud of him. He’d worked so hard and finally it was starting to pay off. He’d even now got a manager, Luke. She’d met him a couple of times, and he seemed nice. He had the measure of Tom and seemed to have mastered how to get the best from him, although sometimes he would email Emily to ask her how to approach certain things with Tom. He’d very quickly realised that Emily was the only person who _really_ knew Tom and how he ticked.

They were still living in Toms little flat and true to Toms word, they’d made it work. It was cramped, and they lived on top of each other, but it was home. That didn’t mean she didn’t find it hard though. The first time Emily had woken up with Toms body sprawled half on top of her, she’d nearly had a heart attack. When she used to come and stay he’d always been so careful to give her as much space as he could in the bed, but now his subconscious had seemingly gotten used to her being in such close proximity that she regularly woke up with several of Toms limbs draped across her. It was some kind of beautiful torture, as Emily would sometimes lay there and dream that he would wake up, smiling sleepily at her as he kissed her neck, his hands roaming her body, sliding down from her neck, across her breasts, teasing her nipples before they dropped lower….. So many times she’d wondered what he’d do if she touched him, if she woke him up with her mouth around his cock. But she’d never know. She was too scared to try. So instead she would carefully manouvre herself out from beneath him and leave the warmth and temptation of the bed they shared, and tuck all those feelings away while she went to work and acted like a normal person who hadn’t been hopelessly in love with their best friend for the last twelve years.

Stepping off the train, Emily started the walk back to their flat, firing off a text back to Tom,

_Just off the tube. Be home in 5 x_

She quickly locked her phone and plunged her hands back into her pockets, the cold February air chilling her skin as she put her head down and marched towards their building. She unlocked the front door and started upstairs, unzipping her coat and pulling her scarf off as she went. When she opened the door to the flat the warm air hit her and she breathed a sigh of relief as she noticed Tom loitering awkwardly in the middle of the living room.

‘Alright?’ She asked, glancing at him as she shrugged her coat off and hung it on its hook, before leaning over to unzip her boots and pull them off. Standing back upright, she looked back to where Tom was still hovering,

‘So what’s the surprise?’

Tom grinned at her nervously, ‘sit down’

Emily sighed and walked to the sofa sitting down and looking expectantly at him.

‘Close your eyes’

Emily glared at him, ‘Tom, what the fuck?’

‘Please Em…..just close them’

Emily eyed him suspiciously before sighing again and closing her eyes.

‘Stay there’ Tom ordered as she heard him move away from her and open the bedroom door, ‘and don’t kill me!’

‘Kill you? Why would I kill you?’ She heard Tom come back into the room and bend down in front of her,

‘Ok, you can open them now’

Emily opened her eyes and blinked a couple of times, Tom becoming visible right in front of her, grinning like a child as he held something in his arms.

‘Oh my god!!!!’ Emily squealed, reaching out and scooping up the tiny brown ball of fluff, ‘you got a puppy?’

‘This is Bobby’ Tom said as Emily cuddled him to her chest and he wriggled as he tried to lick her face excitedly.

‘Where?….how?’

‘A guy on set mentioned his dog had just had a litter of puppies. We always said we’d get a dog, didn’t we? So I thought……..’ Tom trailed off and shrugged his shoulders, smiling, ‘do you like him?’

‘Of course I like him’ Emily answered, looking down at Bobby as he continued to try and reach her face, ‘he’s adorable!’

‘I just thought he’d be some company for you as well when i’m away filming and stuff’

Emily smiled at him, ‘I love him…….thank you’

Tom watched as Emily put Bobby on the floor and lay down next to him, giggling as he bounced excitedly around her before jumping onto her chest and licking her chin as his tail wagged at a million miles an hour. He loved seeing Emily smile. She deserved it after everything she’d been through in the last year, and he’d spent the last eight months doing everything within his power to give her the best life he could. For as long as he could remember she’d been the centre of his world - his best friend, the person he trusted with his life, the person who knew him better than he knew himself. Since she’d moved in with him his life had begun to completely revolve around her, more than it ever had before. Their friendship had grown deeper if that was possible, and there was nothing more he wanted in life than to see her happy.

Emily disappeared into the bedroom and re emerged a minute or so later in a vest top and pyjama shorts, flashing Tom a quick smile before wandering towards the kitchen and flicking the radio on as Bobby followed her every move, as did Tom. As she busied herself starting to prepare their dinner, she sang along quietly to the radio,

_‘My eyes adored you……..so close, so close and yet so far’_

At that moment everything suddenly became crystal clear, and the smile dropped from Tom’s face as he watched her. That something he’d been trying to put his finger on for years - he knew what it was. He glanced down to his lap and back up to Emily as his stomach somersaulted nervously at the realisation. Completely oblivious to Toms epiphany, Emily was now swaying her hips to a more upbeat tune as she threw ingredients into the saucepan. Tom took a shaky breath as he watched,

_God, I love you,_ he thought.

~

Tom was on edge for the rest of the evening, as his brain processed this seemingly brand new information. Probably any other night Emily would have noticed how quiet he was but her attention was fully focused on Bobby and she spent most of the evening rolling around on the floor playing with him. Finally she yawned and glanced at the clock,

‘I’m gonna go to bed’

Tom nodded, ‘I thought maybe I’d sleep out here onthe sofa tonight, just to keep Bobby company and help him settle down seeing as it’s his first night here and it’ll probably be a bit strange for him’

Emily climbed off the floor and looked at him as she brushed herself off, ‘are you sure?’

He nodded, ‘I’m sure. Just for tonight’

‘Ok’ Emily smiled, ‘I’ll see you in the morning then’

‘Night Em’ Tom called after her as she walked towards the bedroom. He blew out a loud breath and tipped his head back on the sofa, closing his eyes. There was no way he could sleep with Emily tonight. He needed some space while he got his head around these feelings that had suddenly flooded his whole body. He tugged the blanket off the back of the sofa and stood up, stripping down to his boxers before arranging the cushions at one end and laying down, pulling the blanket over himself. He glanced at Bobby who was asleep in his little puppy bed, and reached behind him to flick the lamp off on the coffee table, settling onto his back. He stared at the ceiling as lights from passing cars illuminated it periodically. His brain was in overdrive. How had this happened? The more he thought about it, the more he realised he’d probably been in love with her for a long time and he’d been too bloody blind to see it. Either that or he’d been completely in denial. Maybe both. But more importantly, what was he going to do now? How could he even begin to explain to the woman who had been his best friend for more than twenty years that he’d somehow fallen in love with her? It would change everything. It would _ruin_ everything. The one thing Tom was certain of was that he didn’t want to lose her, and that meant she couldn’t know how he felt, ever.

~

As if the universe wasn’t fucking with Tom quite enough lately, a week later Emily came home and announced she’d met someone. He was a regular customer at Selfridges. Rich, good looking and cocky by the sounds of it. Ben, his name was. What a stupid name. Tom hated him already. He hated him even more when Emily dropped the bombshell - Ben was married.

‘Em!’ Tom groaned, rolling his eyes and throwing his hands to his face.

‘It’s not like that! Honestly. He’s going to leave her’

Tom dropped his hands to the table and looked at her, ‘oh come on Em, that’s the oldest line in the book! Surely you don’t believe him?’

Emily frowned at him and shrugged. Tom shook his head and glared at the floor. Why was she being so stupid? So naive? Why was she seeing a married man when he was right here in front of her, wanting to give her the world?

‘Can’t you just be happy for me?’ Emily snapped, ‘I haven’t had a relationship for so long…….’

‘This isn’t a relationship Em!’ Tom argued, throwing his arms in the air in frustration, ‘this is a dirty little secret that’s going to end in tears, _your_ tears! You deserve more than this Em!’

Emily folded her arms and stared at him wordlessly. Tom sighed defeatedly, ‘Fine.But don’t say I didn’t warn you’ he stormed across the living room, ‘I’m going to have a shower’.

Emily stared daggers into his back as he stomped into the bathroom and slammed the door behind him. As she heard the shower start running she stood up from the table and picked up their dinner plates, loading them into the dishwasher before plodding over to the sofa and throwing herself into it. Tom was being ridiculous. She _needed_ Ben. She needed someone to distract her from Tom, and he was doing a pretty good job of it. Maybe it would all end in tears, but she couldn’t live like this any more. She couldn’t keep turning people down because they weren’t Tom. She knew full well that Ben wasn’t going to stop her feelings for him, she didn’t think anyone or anything would ever be able to do that. It had been twelve years and she’d resigned herself to the fact that she was going to be in love with Tom for the rest of her life. She’d accepted it and she’d learned to live with it, to an extent. Right now she just needed a diversion, and Ben was it.

The bathroom door opened behind her and she heard Tom come back into the room, and then he was in front of her. Dear god, he was in front of her with just a towel wrapped around his waist, beads of water running down his chest, and wet messy curls sticking up everywhere. Emily realised she was holding her breath. This wasn’t the first time she’d seen Tom fresh out the shower but it wasn’t usually at such close proximity, and holy fuck she was going to spontaneously combust right there on the sofa at any second. He gripped the knot in the towel to keep it in place as he knelt down in front of her and looked at her intently,

‘I’m sorry Em’

She was staring. Shit, she was staring at him. She quickly looked down into her lap and shook her head, ‘it’s fine’

‘I just don’t want to see you get hurt. You deserve so much more Em, that’s all’ he reached out and rubbed her arm while keeping the other one firmly holding the towel in place,

‘Whatever happens, I’ll be here for you. Ok?’

Emily nodded as Tom stood up precariously, still clinging to the towel. He smiled widely at her and rubbed the top of her head jokingly before leaning down and kissing it. Emily turned to watch him walk away towards the bedroom and out of sight. She glanced at Bobby, who was sitting in his bed watching her with his head tipped to one side,

‘Don’t you bloody start either’ she mumbled at him, getting up to refill her empty wine glass.

~

Tom’s coping mechanism for his newly discovered feelings for Emily turned out to be to go out and have sex with every woman that showed the slightest bit of interest in him. He did it as a distraction, and in the hope that eventually one of them would captivate him enough for him to forget about Emily. It wasn’t working. Every time he was with another woman, he closed his eyes and Emily was there. But he kept going, his conquests increasing at an alarming rate as he desperately hoped for the night when he wouldn’t close his eyes and see Emily.

~

‘Hey Em’  Tom said, wedging his phone between his shoulder and his ear as he tried to pack his shopping into a carrier bag with one hand and put his pin number into the keypad with the other.

‘Are you coming home tonight?’ There was a hint of sarcasm in her voice, clearly a subtle dig at how many nights he’d spent away lately, as he shagged his way around North London.

Tom took his card from the machine and picked up the bag of shopping, taking hold of his phone again as he walked out the shop, ‘Yeah. I’ve got something exciting to tell you’

‘I’ve got something exciting to tell you too’

‘I’ll be home in ten minutes’

‘I’ve just got in. I’ll take Bobby round the block and see you when you get back?’

‘Ok. See you soon’

When Tom arrived home Emily was still out. He busied himself unpacking the shopping, before getting a couple of champagne glasses out and setting them on the table alongside the bottle of champagne he’d bought. Moments later Emily arrived home, Bobby rushing up to Tom and jumping at his legs. Emily saw the champagne and looked at Tom curiously as she hung up Bobbys lead and took her coat off,

‘Wow, this must be serious’

Tom smiled, nodding, ‘But you go first. What’s happened? Let me guess, Ben’s finally leaving his wife?’

Emily sighed and put her hands on her hips, glaring at him. He smirked and held his hands up,

‘Sorry, sorry. I’m listening. Tell me’

Emily walked over to the sofa and sat down, untying her trainers she she looked at him, ‘I got offered a promotion at work today. I’m going to be a personal shopper!’

‘Oh Em, that’s fantastic!’ Tom moved quickly across the small living room and hugged her, ‘I’m so proud of you, you really deserve this’

‘That’s not all….’ Emily stepped back so she could look at him again, ‘I got a call from the Estate Agents today. They’ve had a full asking price offer on mum’s house at last’

Tom watched her, trying to gage her expression, ‘how do you feel about that?’

Emily nodded, ‘I’m ok. It’s a relief really. And it means that we can start looking for somewhere bigger to live’

Tom smiled, ‘Yeah, about that…...we might wanna hang on for a bit longer’

Emily stared at him, ‘why?’

Unable to keep his excitement to himself any longer, Tom beamed at her, ‘I’ve finally got my big break Em! Ken Branagh has cast me in a film. I’ve just signed a five movie deal with Marvel!’

Emily squealed and launched herself at him, her arms hooked round his neck and her legs wrapped around his hips, almost knocking him off his feet. He laughed and grabbed her thighs, holding her up. It would have been so easy to spin her around, pin her against the wall and fuck her in this position. His cock twitched at the thought and he immediately let go of her, letting her drop back to the ground and turning away from her to adjust himself, praying she hadn’t noticed. He seemed to have got away with it as Emily clapped her hands together enthusiastically,

‘C’mon, open that bloody champagne!!’

Tom smiled at her and picked up the bottle, popping the cork and filling the glasses. Emily picked hers up and held it out towards Toms,

‘To us’

‘To success’ Tom added, chinking his glass against hers. He watched as Emily took a sip and looked at him again, ‘you’re gonna be a fucking film star!’

‘And I’m going to come to you for all my clothes’

‘I might even give you a discount’ Emily joked as Bobby jumped up at her, looking for attention. She put her glass down and bent over, picking him up and ruffling his fur, ‘just as well we have this little dude as it looks like I’ll be home alone for a while’ she looked across at Tom, ‘when do you start filming?’

‘Three months. I’ve got a lot of reading and script learning to do’

‘And how long will you be away for?’

‘About six months’

Emily stared at him, ‘six months?! That’s...’

‘The longest we’ve ever spent away from each other in 24 years. I know’ Tom answered as Emily nodded sadly.   

~

‘So what’s the deal with you and Emily?’ Luke asked, glancing across at Tom before focusing back on the road as he drove them across London to a casting audition.

‘Emily?’ Tom replied nonchalantly as his felt his cheeks starting to burn.

‘You’re just friends?’

Tom shifted uncomfortably in his seat, ‘Yeah. We’ve been friends since we were five’

‘And you’ve never………..you know’

Tom cleared his throat, ‘no’

Luke laughed and looked across at him again, ‘mate, you are a _terrible_ liar! Stop bullshitting me. Come on, spill!’

Tom huffed and rubbed his forehead, frowning, ‘we lost our virginity to each other’

Luke smiled, ‘I fucking knew it!’

‘But that’s it. Just that once. We’ve never done anything since’ Tom paused, ‘apart from one night a few years ago where I had a bit too much to drink and kissed her’

‘You kissed her?’

‘Yes’

‘Did she kiss you back?’

‘Yes’

Luke laughed, ‘tell me again why you two aren’t together?’

Tom glared at him, ‘she’s my best friend!’

‘Methinks you’d like her to be more than that’

‘She’s my best friend’ Tom repeated

‘How does she feel about you?’

Tom shrugged, ‘I’m not prepared to risk losing her by asking’

‘Simple solution’ Luke said smugly, ‘test the water. A little touch here, a little hug there…...see how she reacts. If all else fails, walk around in your underwear. You’re unfairly handsome so if she does like you, she’ll be putty in your hands’

~

Emily never thought this would happen, _ever._ It was breaking her heart but she knew for her own sanity she had to do it. Things had just got too much and she couldn’t take it any more. In the past two months or so, Tom had become almost clingy. She didn’t know if it was because he was going away, but it was driving her crazy. They’d always been quite affectionate with each other, but Tom had now taken it to a whole new level. When she was cooking, he would stand behind her, arms wrapped gently but possesively around her neck as he talked to her. When they were watching tv, instead of sitting at opposite ends of the sofa he would sit right next to her, their thighs pressed together and elbows knocking every time one of them moved. When they walked Bobby, he would insist that she linked her arm through his as they strolled along. He was just always _there_ and sometimes it overwhelmed her so much that she felt like she couldn’t breathe. Even worse was the fact that he’d also taken to strolling around the flat in just his boxers. The first time Emily came home to find him sprawled on the sofa semi naked reading his scripts, she’d almost passed out on the doorstep. He’d been working out to get ready for the role as well and his already gorgeous body was now absolutely ridiculous. She just couldn’t handle it. She was in sensory overload and she needed some space. Of course, she didn’t have it in her to ask him to back off as she enjoyed every one of these things just as much as it drove her insane.

That evening Tom was sitting at the dining table, scripts spread across it, chewing on the end of his pencil as he adjusted his glasses and bit his lip thoughtfully. Emily was lying on the sofa under the guise of watching tv, but in reality she had been staring at him for longer than she cared to admit, looking away every time he glanced up. She was bordering on obsessive and she needed to stop. Taking a deep breath she sat up,

‘Tom?’

‘Hmmmmm?’ He mumbled, eyes still fixed on the papers in front of him

‘Tom, can you just look at me for a minute?’

He lifted his head and smiled widely at her, turning around in his chair so that we was facing her, ‘what’s up?’

‘I’ve been thinking. Maybe it’s time I got a place of my own’

Tom’s face dropped as he stared at her, ‘what?’

‘I just think that it might be for the best. We can’t live together forever. One day we’ll both have partners and you know, if we’re living together it might become awkward. And now I have the money from my mum, I think she’d want me to be sensible and buy myself a house. I feel like I owe it to her. Plus you’re going to be away filming all the time now so you’ll barely be here…….we’d hardly be living together anyway’

Emily stopped babbling to take a breath. She’d said it. Her chest felt like it was in a vice that was getting tighter by the second as she looked at Tom, and he looked back at her wordlessly. If this was for the best, why did it hurt so much? Tom looked like he’d been punched in the stomach and Emily bit her lip to stop herself from crying as finally he nodded,

‘Yeah……..I guess so’ he looked down at his lap, ‘what about Bobby?’

‘We can still both have him. He can live with me while you’re away, and then when you come back he can come and stay with you’

Tom nodded once, ‘you’ve got this all worked out’

Emily sighed, ‘I’ve been thinking about it for a while, yeah…….a couple of weeks’

Tom was still staring into his lap, picking at a frayed piece of thread on his jeans. Emily stood up and walked towards him, ‘I’ll still see you all the time. I’m going to look for somewhere in this area. And when you’re home, I’ll come and stay with you, or you can stay with me for a night. It’ll be like the sleepovers we used to have when we were kids’

Tom let out a hollow chuckle and fidgeted on his chair. Finally he looked up at her and shrugged,

‘If that’s what you want’

Emily stepped closer to him and held her arms out,

‘Come here’

He huffed and stood up, immediately sweeping her into a bear hug. Emily closed her eyes as she buried her face in his chest,

‘Nothings going to change. You’re not getting rid of me that easily’ she assured him, ‘still my best friend, I promise’

‘Always’ he whispered.

Emily could feel tears stinging her eyes. Easing her grip on Tom she stepped away from him and forced a smile,

‘I’m just gonna have a quick shower’

Without waiting for a reply, Emily dashed for the bathroom, closing the door behind her. She turned the shower on and leant back against the door, sliding down it until she was sat on the floor hugging her legs to her body. She buried her face in her knees as she started to sob, the sound of her tears drowned out by the shower.

~

Tom watched silently as Emily walked away from him. When he heard the shower start to run, he turned back to the table, gritting his teeth as he swept his arm across it, sending his scripts flying. He paced across to the sofa and threw himself down, covering his face with his hands as he started to cry.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here we go again!!

_When I’m around slow dancing in the dark_

_Don’t follow me, you’ll end up in my arms_  

_~_

Emily hummed along to the music that was playing through her earbuds as she unlocked the main door to the building. She checked their post slot before starting to climb the stairs to their flat. As she rounded the corner she froze, catching a glimpse of a tall dark haired man slipping through their front door. Turning on her heels she dashed back down the stairs, pulling her phone out her pocket and dialling Tom’s number,

‘Hello?’

‘Tom, there’s someone in our flat’ she whispered, breathing heavily

‘What?’

‘I saw someone walk through our front door. I think it’s a burglar!!’

‘Em, I’ve just got home. There’s no one here’

‘I _saw_ them!’ Emily hissed, ‘call the police!’

On the other end of the line she could hear Tom moving around, ‘there’s no one here, I’ve just checked. Where are you?’

‘In the hallway’

‘I’m at the front door, come back up. I promise you Em, there’s no one here’

Emily started to walk back up the stairs, questioning her sanity. She had _seen_ him. As she rounded the corner again she gasped, staring at Tom as he stood in the doorway grinning at her,

‘What the fuck? It was you! Your hair…….’ she trailed off as she walked towards him, reaching up to touch his jet black hair as she stared at him.

Tom chuckled, ‘it’s for the film. Do you like it?’

Emily just glared at him, ‘I thought you were a fucking burglar’

Tom laughed properly this time, bending over with his hands on his knees as Emily swatted at him,

‘It’s not funny! You could have warned me! What if I’d called the police instead of you?!’

That just made Tom laugh harder and Emily couldn’t help but start to giggle too, ‘out the way! Let me in, you idiot’

Tom stepped aside and Emily squeezed past him, bending down to stroke Bobby as he ran to greet her. Tom shut the front door and followed her back into the living room, ‘sorry Em. I kinda wanted it to be a surprise’

Emily glanced at him as she hung her coat up, ‘yeah well it certainly was’ she looked around the room to see his case standing in the corner, ‘so you’re all packed then’

Tom nodded, ‘Yeah. All ready I think’

He was leaving tomorrow to start filming. Emily had been trying not to think about it but now here they were and she couldn’t bury her head any longer. As heartbroken as she was at the prospect of not seeing Tom for so long, she was so excited for him. He’d worked so hard and so long for this, and finally it was going to pay off. He deserved the world and he was about to get it, she just hoped the world realised how lucky it was to have him.

Breaking her from her thoughts, Tom rubbed her arm, ‘go and get changed, I’m cooking dinner’

Emily eyed him, ‘are you? I thought it was my turn to cook tonight?’

Tom shrugged, ‘well you’re gonna have to cook every night for the next six months while I’m away’

And there it was, punching her in the stomach with every new reminder.  She wasn’t sure how she was going to get through saying goodbye to him without crying, even at the thought of it now her throat tightened and she could feel tears pricking at her eyes. She just had to remember that she would be moving out anyway, so their parting was inevitable, no matter how it happened. It was for the best, she told herself……..but right now it still hurt like hell.

~

Tom paced the living room while Emily sat on the sofa with her knees hugged to her chest as she watched him silently. He couldn’t look at her, fearing that if he did he wouldn’t be able to hold himself together any longer. She looked so damn cute this morning too. Wearing leggings and thick socks that came halfway up her calves, along with one of his hoodies that she’d stolen from him just days after she’d moved in. It was miles too big for her, coming almost half way down her thighs and the sleeves stretching down over her hands. But she looked absolutely adorable as well as weirdly sexy, something about her wearing his clothes turning him on more than it probably should. But this could be the last morning her ever spent with her in their flat - by the time he came back she could have her own house. Everything was changing.

Tom’s phone pinged with a text message and he stopped, glancing at Emily as her eyes widened. Taking his phone out his pocket, he quickly read the brief message before shoving it back into his jeans and turning to her,

‘Luke’s here’

Emily nodded and looked at the ground, biting her lip. Tom picked his coat up and shrugged it on,

‘I’ll let you know when I get there’

She nodded again, her eyes still fixed on the carpet. He sighed and walked over to her,

‘I have to go Em. Stand up and give me a hug’

Emily shook her head vigorously and Tom noticed a tear trickle down her cheek as she finally looked up at him. He grabbed her hands and pulled her off the sofa, wrapping his arms around her,

‘Don’t cry, please’ he whispered, rubbing her back and burying his head in her neck.

‘I hate goodbyes’ she stuttered. Tom held her arms to push her back so he could look at her, reaching up and brushing her hair off her face,

‘I’m gonna FaceTime you every single day, I promise, ok? And don’t forget when I get back, we’ll have a premiere to go to’ he smiled sadly at her, ‘so you better start looking for your dress’

Emily half laughed and half sobbed as she nodded at him. Tom bent down and rubbed Bobby’s ears,

‘Look after your mum for me, ok buddy?’

He stood back up and looked at Emily again, ‘I’ve got to go’

Emily reached out and grabbed a fistful of his shirt as she rested her head against his chest, ‘I don’t want to let go of you’ she whispered. Tom stroked his hand down her hair and kissed the top of her head before gently pushing her away from him. He walked over to his suitcase and picked it up, opening the door,

‘Bye Em’ he mumbled. He turned and stepped out, shutting it behind him without looking back, blinking away the tears that were forming in his own eyes.

~

A few days later at work, Emily met Ben at lunch time as she quite often did.

‘So what time shall I come to yours tonight?’ He asked, winking at her.

Emily looked at him, ‘you can’t come to my flat’

‘But Tom’s gone now…...I don’t see what the problem is? Do you expect me to be ok with a quick kiss and fumble in my car when you have an empty bloody flat where we can actually do things a proper couple do? It’s been months now’

‘It’s still his home. It would be disrespectful of me to have you there……..in his bed’

Ben rolled his eyes, ‘the sooner you find your own place the better. You and Tom in that flat, it’s not healthy Em’

‘Emily’ she corrected him. She never let anyone call her Em, apart from Tom. It was Tom’s name for her, no one else’s.

Ben gestured at her, ‘this is what I mean! You haven’t got any other friends apart from Tom.You and him, it’s…….it’s _weird’_

_‘_ He’s my best friend’ she spat, glaring at him.

‘Is that all?’ Ben challenged her

As her heart started to pound at his suggestion, Emily kept her expression neutral, ‘Yes’

Ben huffed and looked around. Emily stood up, ‘I better get back to work’

As she leant over to kiss Ben goodbye her phone started ringing in her bag. She pulled it out to see an incoming FaceTime call from Tom,

‘It’s Tom, I have to take this’ Emily kissed him quickly again as he rolled his eyes. She dashed outside and swiped her screen across, Tom’s face smiling back at her,

‘Heyyyyyyy’ she breathed

‘Hey Em’ he beamed, seemingly just as pleased to see her, ‘I thought you might like to see my costume’

‘Uh, yeah, ok then….’ Emily watched as he stood up and moved across the room, presumably his dressing room, before flipping the screen to show his full length reflection in a mirror.

‘Oh my god’ Emily gasped as her mouth fell open. He was basically dressed head to toe in leather, with a regal looking cape over his shoulders. Her eyes trailed down his body, pausing at his crotch. The trousers were _obscene._ They made him look like he was hung like a god, which was ironic given the part he was playing. Emily tore her eyes away from the sizeable bulge in his trousers and drew in a breath,

‘Wow’

Tom flipped the camera back to his face, grinning widely, ‘what do you think?’

‘You look amazing’ Emily stuttered. Tom laughed and Emily shook her head to try and clear her brain of the ridiculously filthy thoughts she was currently having. They chatted for a few more minutes about how filming was going so far, and Emily told him about how she was teaching Bobby to fetch.Tom laughed before fixing her with a serious look as he sighed,

‘I miss you Em. You, Bobby…….our flat……’

Emily shook her head, ‘Don’t, please. I’m just about to go back to work and you’ll make me sad again’

Tom smiled at her sympathetically, ‘Sorry. I guess I should let you go then’

Emily sighed, ‘I guess so’

‘I’ll speak to you tomorrow’

‘Tom, honestly, you don’t have to call me everyday if you’re busy. I understand’

‘I’ll speak to you tomorrow’ he repeated, smiling.

Emily laughed, ‘Ok. Speak to you tomorrow’

They waved at each other as they hung up, and Emily huffed. This was gonna be the longest six months of her life.

As he’d promised, Tom spoke to Emily every day. It didn’t matter if he only had five minutes, he would use it to speak to her. Some days he missed her so much he couldn’t even think straight. He’d got it bad…….He was completely, irrevocably in love with her. Before he left, he’d tried Luke’s suggestion of testing the water with her, but all it had done was confirm what he already knew - she wasn’t interested. Every time he’d got overly affectionate with her, she’d shied away from him. When he’d finally got the courage to try walking around the house almost naked in the hope that would give him some positive sign, she’d barely been able to look at him, finding any excuse she could to leave the room. And now she was moving out and he knew it was because of him. He was going to have to accept the fact that it was never going to happen, yet something inside him was determined not to give up.

~

Three months after Tom left, Emily found a house. It was a three bedroom Mews cottage in West Hampstead, just a short walk or an even shorter drive to Toms flat. She was due to move in a week after her birthday, which was also the day after Tom got home. Fate had played another cruel twist on them by ensuring Tom was slap bang in the middle of filming for his 30th birthday, meaning the best celebration they’d got was sharing a glass of wine over Facetime, and to add insult to injury, filming was set to wrap pretty much a week after Emily’s 30th, meaning Tom would narrowly miss being back for hers as well.

Despite the fact that Tom was likely to be exhausted, he had insisted on helping her move, something that unsurprisingly didn’t go down well with Ben. He was getting more and more agitated at the mere mention of Tom’s name, and Emily knew that deep down he could tell that he was never going to be able to compete with Tom. He would always be second best. The question was whether he could accept it. Maybe once she was in her own house things would get better. Maybe.

Emily sat on the sofa and looked down at Bobby who was asleep with his chin in her lap. She sighed and ruffled his ears gently before looking around the empty flat disinterestedly. She’d never imagined she’d be spending her 30th birthday on her own. Ben was busy in meetings all day and she wasn’t expecting to hear from Tom until later once he had a filming break. As Ben had kindly pointed out to her previously, she had no other friends. Diana had called her earlier that morning to wish her a happy birthday and they’d chatted happily for a while, catching up on each other’s news. But now it was 2pm and she was bored. She was just contemplating taking Bobby for a walk around Regents Park just for something to do, when her phone rang, Toms name lighting up the screen,

‘Hello?’

On the other end of the line Tom broke into a rendition of happy birthday and Emily giggled.

‘You having a good day?’ He asked

Emily blew out a breath, ‘I’m not really doing much to be honest. Anyway why haven’t you FaceTimed me?’

‘It’s a bit tricky at the moment’ Tom replied, ‘I can’t really facetime you from where I am’

That was a bit strange? Before Emily could say anything else, the doorbell rang and she groaned,

‘You better answer that’ Tom said, ‘I’ll hang on…...go see who it is’

Emily swung her legs off the sofa and padded over to the door, peering round it. She gasped as she dropped the phone from her ear and stared at the person standing on the doorstep. There, still with his phone to his ear and a huge bunch of flowers in the other hand, was Tom,

‘Surprise’ he smiled

Emily squealed and threw her arms around his neck, breathing him in as he awkwardly wrapped his hand around her back while still trying to hold the flowers with his other.

‘Happy Birthday’ he whispered

‘What are you doing here?’

‘We wrapped early. So I thought I’d surprise you’

At their feet Bobby yapped impatiently and Tom let her go to bend down and scoop him up, still one handed. He laughed as Bobby licked excitedly at his chin and passed the flowers to Emily. She admired them before looking back at him,

‘They’re beautiful, thank you’

Tom gestured for her to go back into the flat, following her and dragging his case behind him. He set it down in the corner of the room and watched as Emily filled a vase with water and stood the flowers in it. She turned back to him,

‘I can’t believe you're home’

‘Good surprise?’ He asked, walking over to the sofa and sinking into it, sighing contentedly. Emily followed him over and sat down next to him as he yawned. He reached for a cushion and placed it gently in her lap, laying down on his back and resting his head on it, looking up at her with a sleepy smile. Forgetting herself, Emily reached down and carded her hands through his hair affectionately,

‘Your hair is so long’

He hummed, blinking slowly and stifling another yawn.

‘Tom you’re exhausted. You should have a nap’

Tom shook his head, ‘I’m fine. I’ve got so much to tell you about the movie. That will keep me awake’

‘I give it five minutes before you’re asleep’

‘Well if I do nod off, you need to wake me up at four o clock. We have to get ready to go out’

Emily eyed him, ‘where are we going?’

‘All in good time’ Tom replied, smiling smugly. He proceeded to change the subject and told her all about filming, the cast and crew, the things they’d got up to. But as Emily predicted, within minutes his eyelids were getting heavier and he fell asleep pretty much halfway through a sentence. Emily smiled down at him, stroking his hair again as she watched him sleep. She hadn’t realised just how desperately she’d missed him, but now he was home she had no idea how she’d survived six months without seeing him. It was true what they said, absence really did make the heart grow fonder. Any hopes she’d had of getting a hold on her feelings while Tom was away had been foolish. With every breath she took, she loved him a little more. She sighed and ran her thumb down his jaw and he stirred in his sleep and reached for her hand, nuzzling against it and holding it under his cheek as he settled again. Emily gazed at him, her heart ready to burst. She pushed down the sinking feeling in her stomach at the thought of moving out next week, and reminded herself that this was exactly why she was doing it. If she didn’t, she was going to spend the rest of her life falling even more hopelessly in love with someone who didn’t return those feelings. It was a no win situation really. Whichever way she turned it was going to kill her.

Emily woke Tom up at 4pm as he’d asked, having tortured herself by literally just sitting watching him sleep for two hours. When she pressed him for information on what they were doing, he told her they were going for dinner at the Ritz and then going on to the theatre to watch a show, sending Emily into a half an hour panic over what she could wear. She eventually decided on a royal blue tailored jumpsuit with black heels and a black leather biker jacket, while Tom looked effortlessly handsome as usual in a light blue suit with no tie and the top buttons of his shirt undone.

‘Look at us all dressed up’ laughed Tom as Emily threw a few things in to her clutch bag. The sound of her phone ringing made her turn to where it was laying on the table, Bens name displayed on the screen.

‘Happy Birthday beautiful’ he said as Emily answered.

‘Thanks’ she replied, glancing at Tom and stepping to the other side of the room.

‘So i’ll pick you up in an hour, ok? Does that give you enough time to get ready?’

‘What? No, Ben. I didn’t think I was seeing you today. You didn’t say you had anything planned’

‘Oh come on Emily, as if I wasn’t going to plan something for your birthday! It wouldn’t have been a surprise if i’d told you’

Emily huffed, ‘I can’t, I’m sorry’

‘What? Why?’

She took a deep breath, ‘I’m going out with Tom’

‘Tom? I thought he didn’t get back until next week?’

‘He came back early to surprise me’

She heard Ben sigh on the other end of the line, ‘of course he did. Well just tell him you’ve got other plans now’

‘No, Ben. You can’t just drop this one me at the last minute and be all moody when I tell you i’ve made other plans. I can see you tomorrow instead’

‘Doesn’t sound like I have a choice’ he grumbled, ending the call abruptly. Emily looked at her phone before throwing it into her bag and turning her attention back to Tom who grimaced,

‘Sorry Em’

She shook her head, ‘it’s his own fault. Come on, let’s go’

Emily could honestly say she had one of the best evenings of her life. They were treated like royalty at the Ritz, and the food was like nothing Emily had ever tasted. When they arrived at the theatre Tom revealed another surprise - he’d reserved them a private box, and there was a bottle of champagne waiting there for them as they took their seats. Tom really was spoiling her and she felt like a princess. Emily had never been to the theatre before and her first time couldn’t have been any better. As the show finished they sang and danced along to the last song, Tom twirling Emily enthusiastically before pulling her back to him and wrapping his hands around her front, swaying along behind her.Chugging the last of their champagne, they boarded the tube home. Finally staggering through the front door, Emily turned the lamp on and threw herself on the sofa, groaning as she prised her heels off, rubbing her throbbing feet. Tom threw his jacket over the chair and shoved his hands in his pockets as he watched her,

‘Have you had a good evening?’

Emily smiled up at him, ‘the best…….I don’t want it to end’

Tom walked into the kitchen and opened the fridge, pulling out a bottle of wine and holding it towards her and winking, ‘it doesn’t have to yet’

Emily watched as he popped the cork and poured two glasses, setting them down on the counter before pulling his phone out his pocket and attaching it to the docking station. Music filled the room and Tom walked over to her, dragging back to her feet and into the middle of the room, twirling her around again as she laughed. They danced animatedly to the song, giggling as they pranced dramatically around the room. The song faded and they both stopped to catch their breath as the chords of a slower ballad started. Tom stepped towards her and held out his hands, smiling. She took them and they started to sway gently as she let go of him with her right hand, moving in closer and slipping it around his waist as she rested her head against his shoulder.

‘I’m sorry I messed up Ben’s plans for tonight’

Emily lifted her head and looked at him, ‘don’t be’

Their faces were so close she could smell the champagne on his warm breath as she gazed up at him, ‘I’d rather have been with you tonight anyway’

Tom‘s eyes roamed her face, ‘yeah?’

‘Yeah’ she whispered. The room was quiet apart from the soft love song still playing in the background, yet the air felt loaded with unspoken words that both were too scared to say aloud. Emily’s eyes dropped to his lips before she met his eyes again, to find him watching her intensely. She could feel his heart pounding in his chest…...or was that hers? She couldn’t move, she didn’t want to. Her eyes were locked with his and she couldn’t look away. Emily drew in a shaky breath as Tom dipped his head slowly and brushed his lips against hers. Still holding her gaze, he cupped the back of her neck before his eyes fluttered closed and he kissed her again, his lips moving softly with hers as she kissed him back. His other hand slid around the small of her back holding her tight against him as the tip of his tongue dipped exploratively into her mouth. Emily felt dizzy as he flooded her senses, and she felt like the world around her had dissolved. The quickening of his breath matched hers as the kiss deepened, their tongues exploring each others mouths. It was slow and gentle, sensual, worlds apart from the last time they’d been in this situation. It was loaded with feelings, confessions…….love.

Suddenly Bobby was at their feet yelping, causing them to break apart and both glance at him as he watched them, wagging his tail.Tom still had his hand on her back as he smirked and looked back to Emily, letting out a deep breath,

‘We really shouldn’t get drunk together’

She just blinked at him. She wanted to say something but she couldn’t find the words, her head swimming and still high on the feeling of Toms lips on hers.

‘Sorry Em’ Tom added, letting go of her and wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, ‘I um…….I think we should just go to bed. I’m feeling pretty tired, maybe the jet lag is starting to kick in’

Avoiding eye contact with her, he picked up his suit jacket and scurried into the bedroom. Emily stood rooted to the spot. She wanted to scream, shout,

_Don’t you realise how much I love you? Why can’t you see what you’re doing to me?_

Instead, she followed him into the bedroom and got undressed in silence, sliding into bed next to him and glancing across to where he was already sound asleep, having dropped off practically the moment his head touched the pillow. She tried to sleep, but even with her eyes closed, all she could see was Tom.

  
  
  
  
  
  



	6. Chapter 6

_I want to hold you so hear me out_

_I want to show you what love’s all about_

_~_

That was it…...Emily had her own house now. Tom sighed, throwing his keys on the table and dropping onto the sofa. It had been a long and exhausting day, both physically and emotionally. He’d picked up the hire van at 8am that morning, driving straight up to his mothers to collect Emily’s furniture which had now been sitting in her garage for years. He had a quick cup of tea and catch up with his mum before he drove back down to London, calling into the flat to pick up Emily’s belongings from there too. Then he drove up to her new house which actually really wasn’t that far away, maybe 10 minutes at most. They’d spent the rest of the day unpacking essentials and building her new bed which had been delivered earlier in the day. When they were both dead on their feet they’d ordered a takeaway and sat on the living room floor to eat it, her new sofas not being delivered until the next day. 

Emily had offered for him to stay there with her for the night, but he’d declined. He knew she’d been disappointed but he just couldn’t. God knows he’d wanted to stay, but it would just be prolonging the agony. They would have to say goodbye at some point and be in their respective homes without each other, so Tom had left Bobby with her for the night, hugged her goodbye and returned the van before catching the tube back to his flat. And now here he was. It already felt different without her. It was lifeless, empty - even though Emily hadn’t taken any of the furniture with her. As he looked around the silent room, his mind took him back to a week ago, when him and Emily had been dancing right there. His stomach somersaulted as he remembered the way they’d kissed. That night he had dared to let himself believe that maybe, just maybe, Emily had feelings for him too. But when Bobby had made them jump apart, she’d just stared blankly at him. She could easily have pulled him back into her to pick up where they’d left off, told him not to stop, anything. But she just stood there. So he’d made the excuse of being drunk again to try and hide his embarrassment, for being so stupid and letting his emotions get the better of him.

She’d been unusually quiet the next day as well, barely able to even look at him and he was afraid he’d really messed things up. But then Ben had called her and she seemed to cheer up, probably glad to go and see him and get away from Tom. But after that night he’d decided it was time to give up on pursuing anything with Emily. Best friends would just have to be enough.

~

It had been a weird week. Emily should have been excited about finally having her own house, not to mention the fact that she was fortunate enough to be able to buy it without a mortgage. But the crushing reality of being rejected by Tom again on her birthday was keeping her euphoria at a minimum. The day after the kiss she couldn’t even look at him without wanting to cry. The way he’d kissed her…….for the briefest of moments she had thought maybe after all this time he did feel something for her too, but then he’d shattered her heart right there all over the living room floor yet again, fobbing it off as a drunken mistake. When Ben had called her to see if she wanted to meet him, she’d jumped at the chance to get out the flat. Speaking of Ben, he was due to arrive to see her new house soon. She quickly picked up her dirty coffee cup and rinsed it in the sink, just as the doorbell rang. She opened the door with a smile and showed Ben in,

‘Shall I give you a tour now or would you like a drink first?’

Ben looked at her seriously, ‘I need to talk to you. Can we go and sit down?’

Emily frowned at him, ‘Er…...yeah, ok’

She guided him into the living room and they sat down on her newly delivered sofas. Ben shuffled uncomfortably, ‘Listen Em…...’

‘Emily’ she corrected him quickly

‘Emily’ he sighed, ‘look there’s no easy way to say this so i’m just gonna cut to the chase. This isn’t working. Me and you, I mean’

‘What?’ Emily stuttered

‘I can’t do this any more’

Emily paused, processing what he was saying before she spoke again, ‘are you going back to your wife?’

Ben shook his head, ‘No. I’m still going to leave her’

‘Then why?’ 

‘You’re with me, but you’re not. You’re head’s somewhere else’ Ben looked at her as she stared at him wordlessly, ‘tell me i’m lying?’

Emily bit her lip. She couldn’t lie to him, ‘I like you, you know I do’

Ben reached forwards and took her hands, ‘I know. But your heart’s not in this, is it?

She shook her head sadly.

‘Your heart belongs to someone else’ he added

‘I………’ Emily began, but Ben cut her off,

‘I’ve tried to ignore it, but it’s hard. I can see it every time you mention his name, it’s written all over your face. I can’t compete with that, no matter what I say or do. You’ll never love me like you love Tom’

Emily started to cry, not because she was losing Ben, but because of what he was saying. All these feelings that she thought she’d kept so well hidden for years had been exposed, and it cut like a knife. 

‘I wish I could let you love me’ she sobbed, as Ben rubbed her arm sympathetically,

‘I do too’

‘I’m sorry, I never meant to hurt you’

‘I know’

Emily looked down at her lap, tears blurring her vision.

‘Does he know?’ Ben asked

Emily shook her head vigorously, staring at him wide eyed.

‘You need to tell him’

‘I can’t’ she stuttered

‘Emily, sweetheart, he deserves to know. You’ve known him what, 25 years? My guess is that you’ve been in love with him for most of that time too. Feelings like that don’t just go away’

‘I can’t’ she repeated, voice barely a whisper.

Ben studied her for a minute and shrugged, ‘Then you have to get over him. Otherwise you’re going to live a very sad and lonely life. I’m sorry to say it, but it’s the truth’

Emily scrubbed at her wet cheeks wordlessly. If only he knew Tom had already rejected her twice. Telling him she loved him quite simply wasn’t an option. 

‘I’m going to go now,’ Ben stood up. He watched her for a few minutes before sighing and bending down in front of her, ‘You’re a gorgeous girl Emily, and you don’t deserve to live your life like this. You have two options, you just need to pick one. You can’t carry onlike this, look what it’s doing to you. You need to sort your head out’

He leant forwards and kissed her cheek and then stood up again, ‘Bye Em……..I hope it all works out for you’ 

Emily buried her head in her hands and sobbed as she heard the front door closing behind him.

~

When your boyfriend has just dumped you because you’re in love with your best friend, the first person you should call is probably not said best friend. So of course that’s what Emily did. An hour later Tom arrived armed with crisps, chocolate, biscuits, wine, and a bunch of flowers. Emily burst into tears again just at the sight of him and Tom dropped everything in a heap on the doorstep to scoop her up into a hug. He kicked the front door shut behind him and carried her like a child into the living room and sat down on the sofa with her in his lap, stroking her back,

‘What happened darling?’

_ Darling……. _ as if she wasn’t already a woman on the edge of an emotional breakdown, Tom had now decided to call her darling. She let out another sob and buried her face in his neck.

‘Oh Em……...shhhhhh’ he soothed, kissing the top of her head, ‘what happened? Is it his wife?’

She couldn’t tell him it was because of him, could she? So she lied, nodding her head in response to his question.

‘Fuck sake’ Tom mumbled, ‘I knew it’

He gripped her arms and pushed her back so he could look at her, ‘you’re better off without him, ok? You’re worth more than that Em’

‘Will you stay here tonight?’ She sniffed

Tom smiled, ‘of course I will’

They spent the rest of the day sprawled on the sofa eating junk food and watching trashy tv. When it got dark, they moved to the window seat in Emily’s bedroom and sat facing each other at either end, looking out at the London skyline in the distance. After several minutes of silence, Tom glanced across at her,

‘What did he say to you? Was he horrible?’

Emily thought for a moment before answering. Ben’s words echoed through her mind,

_ You need to tell him. _

She looked across at Tom as he watched her expectantly, ‘he was honest, I guess. That’s all there is to it’

Tom hummed thoughtfully, and a silence fell over them again as they both looked back out the window. Emily sighed, ‘I just feel like……..like I’m never going to settle down’

Tom looked at her, ‘don’t be ridiculous, of course you will’ he smiled and nudged his ankle against hers, ‘tell you what…...if we’re both still single when we hit 35, we’ll get married’

Emily cackled, ‘what, you and me?’

He nodded, ‘yeah! Me and you. I know loads of people who’ve married their best friend. At least you know what you’re getting’

Emily smirked and shook her head in amusement. 

‘C’mon Em! What do you say?’

‘Seriously? You would give up the chance to have a real marriage, real love, to make sure your pathetic best friend doesn’t get left on the shelf?’ 

‘Yes. And you’re not pathetic’ Tom looked at her. He wished he could tell her that in actual fact he wanted a real marriage with her and that to him, she was real love. He wanted to tell her that she was his everything and there was no one else he would rather marry than her. He wanted to stand next to her and make those vows, meaning every damn word. Imagine being able to call Emily his wife…...he’d be the proudest man alive just to be able to utter those words. He watched as she shook her head again and looked back out the window,

‘So? Deal?’

She sighed and looked across at him as he grinned at her. Stupid, annoying, angel faced idiot. If only he realised how much she really did want to marry him. But she’d go along with his ridiculous joke, just to shut him up and change the subject. She chuckled, ‘yeah, ok. Deal’

The next day Tom did possibly one of the craziest things he’d ever done in his life to date. He went to Tiffany’s and spent a good part of his first Marvel pay packet on a diamond ring in the hope that in 5 years time he would get to give it to Emily. 

~

‘So dare I ask what the situation is with you and Emily these days?’ Luke asked as they sat in the back of the limo which was making its way across London to pick Emily up before they went on to the film premiere. Tom fiddled with the sleeve of his suit awkwardly, 

‘We’re just friends’

‘So you’re still in denial then’

Tom looked up at him as they pulled into Emily’s road, ‘let’s change the subject mate, yeah?’

He looked out the window to see Emily emerging from her house, ‘fuck me’ he mumbled, his eyes wide as Emily started to walk towards the car.

‘Dude, snap out of it! Get out the car and help her in!’ Luke clicked his fingers in front of Toms face and he blinked before flinging the car door open and jumping out, smiling as Emily approached him. Of course he always thought Emily looked beautiful, but tonight she was absolutely breathtaking in a floor length black evening dress with a split up to her lower thigh on one side and a lace bodice. Her hair was immaculately curled and she’d pinned it back from her face, 

‘Do I look ok?’ She asked nervously as he stared at her.

‘Em, you look stunning’ he stuttered as he stood rooted to the spot, unable to take his eyes off her.

‘You don’t scrub up too badly yourself’ she retorted, giving him a cheeky smile and stepping past him to get into the car. He had to hold his breath to stop himself from moaning out loud as she bent over in front of him to climb into the car. He could see Luke looking at him with a smug smile and he glared at him as he got in and sat down next to Emily. She looked between the two men,

‘I’m so nervous’

Tom reached across and took her hand, ‘you’ll be fine. Just keep hold of my hand, ok? I’ll be right beside you’

He glanced down to her wrist, ‘you’re wearing your bracelet’ he smiled

Emily reached down and touched it gently, sliding it up and down her arm, ‘of course I am! I still remember that day when we spoke about this night…...do you?’

‘And I promised you didn’t I? I promised you that you would be the one standing next to me’

Emily smiled up at him, ‘Yeah, you did’

Luke smirked and as Tom and Emily both looked at him he cleared his throat, ‘Sorry. Got a bit of a…...throat…...thing’

The red carpet was a blur to Emily. But true to his word Tom never let go of her hand even as he stopped to talk to the press, and pulled her posessively against his side when when they were called to pose for photographs. When they finally made it inside the cinema, Tom introduced her to the rest of the cast before they took their places for the film. Emily fidgeted impatiently in her seat as Tom glanced at her,

‘You ok?’

‘I’m nervous…….and excited’ 

Tom reached out and closed his hand over hers, ‘chill out Em. Just imagine we’re kids again watching Lilo and Stitch’

‘We haven’t got any popcorn’ Emily grumbled and Tom chuckled as the lights finally dimmed and the film began. Tom went to let go of Emily’s hand but she gripped it harder, watching wide eyed as he appeared in shot. She turned to him with a big smile and squeezed his hand,

‘Look at you!!’

He laughed quietly and nodded towards the screen, ‘watch the film, Em’

She blinked at him and turned her attention back to the film, letting go of his hand to adjust her grip and slide her fingers inbetween his. She didn’t let go until the end credits started to roll, when she turned to him as the lights lifted again and they stood up to leave, 

‘I…...I don’t know what to say. Fuck, I am so,  _ so  _ proud of you!’ she launched herself towards him and hugged him hard, taking Tom by surprise. 

‘Thank you Em…...for everything’ he whispered, wrapping his hands around her back and holding her tight against him, nuzzling his face against her hair. Looking over Emily’s shoulder, He saw Luke watching them with amusement. He lifted his eyebrow at Tom who responded by giving him the middle finger.

They left the theatre and went on to an after party held by Kenneth Branagh. Emily watched as Tom knocked back drink after drink and a feeling of dread started to settle in her stomach. All their previous dalliances had been after a night of drinking but she wasn’t sure she could end another evening like that. God, she wanted to but she couldn’t take the inevitable rejection that would follow it. But when Tom smiled at her and pulled her forward to dance with him, she found herself unable to say no. It was all innocent for a while, they danced with the other members of the cast, everyone laughing when Chris Hemsworth somehow found a cheap imitation hammer and started swinging it around the dance floor erratically. But as the opening lines of the theme tune to Dirty Dancing started to play, Tom grinned widely at Emily and pulled her against him, doing his best to re enact the moves from the film. Emily clung to him and tried to control her breathing as he held her waist and started to grind against her before he spun her around and plastered his back against hers, wrapping his hands around her middle and thrusting his hips against her bum. That was the point where she knew she had to get some space between them. Her heart was beating out of her chest and her body was on fire. She squirmed out of his grip and turned to see him looking disappointed,

‘I’ll be back in a minute, I just need a drink’ she reassured him, turning on her heels and heading for the bar before he could argue. She leant heavily against the counter and blew out a deep breath as she waited for the server to get to her.

‘You And Tom make a great couple’ A voice said from her left. She turned to see a young dark haired man smiling at her.

‘Oh no…...me and Tom, we aren’t together’ she answered quickly, feeling her cheeks flush, ‘he’s um, just my best friend’

The man smiled, ‘Is that so? Well in that case, let me buy you a drink?’

What harm would it do? He was pretty cute. Emily smiled in agreement as he introduced himself. His name was Louis and he was a cameraman. He was easy to talk to and soon they fell into an easy conversation and Emily was glad of a reason not to have to go back and dance.

~ 

Tom loved to dance. When Emily disappeared to get a drink he stayed on the dance floor, messing around with everyone else. But after a good twenty minutes or so she still hadn’t come back, and Tom looked over to the bar to see her deep in conversation with one of the cameramen. She was smiling and Tom knew from the way she was looking at him that she was flirting. He tried to fight down the jealousy building in his chest and turned away. They were just talking and besides, he had no control over Emily. She could do whatever she wanted. 

‘Hey you’ he was greeted by Kat, one of his co stars, ‘I think it’s my turn for a dance now’

She smiled and winked at him. Well, seeing as Emily was clearly otherwise engaged, he may as well do something to distract himself. Kat had made no secret of the fact she was quite interested in him but up until now he’d managed to avoid getting into a situation with her. But he had to forget about Emily…...he had to stop putting his love life on hold in the hope that maybe there could be something between them. So an hour or so later when Kat was still attached to him, and whispered in his ear suggestively that she was going to bed, he was ready to go with her. But he needed to tell Emily at where he was going. He looked round to see her still at the bar, standing so close to Louis that he now had his hand resting on her waist as they talked. What he really wanted to do was march up to them and slap his hand away from her and replace it with his own…..but no. She wasn’t his. So instead he walked casually up to them, apologising for the interruption and asked to speak to Emily for a minute. She smiled sweetly at Louis and squeezed his knee before following Tom to the side of the room,

‘I just wanted to let you know that I’m not going to be going home in the car with you tonight. I’ve got……...other plans now’ he glanced over his shoulder to where Kat was hovering by the exit with her coat on. He looked back to Emily and saw the realisation dawn on her, her expression changing instantly although he couldn’t quite work out what to. She nodded, her jaw clenched, 

‘Right…….I see. Ok then’ she peered back over towards Louis and cleared her throat, ‘I mean, yeah. I don’t think I’ll be going home either’

She smiled back at Tom but he could tell it was forced. For a minute he considered changing his mind and going home with her, in the hope that it would ruin whatever plans of her own she was making. But the alcohol running through his body was making him horny as hell like it always did and he knew if he did go home with Emily he would just end up making a fool of himself again, and he couldn’t face any more rejection from her. Kat would have to do for tonight to satisfy his sexual frustration. He leant forwards and kissed Emily on the cheek, 

‘I’ll call you tomorrow, ok? Night Em’

She nodded curtly and Tom turned and walked away, towards Kat. Emily watched him go, wild jealously burning inside her. Well fine, if she was going to have to watch Tom disappear into the night with some beautiful actress, rather than go home alone and torture herself imaging what he was doing in a hotel room somewhere with Kat, she may as well get herself a distraction. She sidled back over to Louis and smiled seductively at him,

‘What do you say me and you take this back to your room?’


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter took a while, but I hope y’all like it! Things are starting to happen now, so buckle up and enjoy the ride!

_I hope what I’m feeling now,_

_You are feeling it too_

_Or maybe today I’ve lost you_

_~_

Tom’s career really took off after the first Marvel film and his whole life changed. He was a proper actor at last. He had fame, fortune, celebrity friends….god, he even had fans! He loved his job and he loved life, but there was still one thing he was missing……a girlfriend. After that night at the premiere, he and Kat had dated for a while but it soon fizzled out. There were other women after that too, but none lasted. The only woman that was a constant in his life, was the one that was out of his reach - Emily. Everything in his life had changed but her and his feelings for her. He was still stuck in this deep dark hole of unrequited love, and that was the one thing that showed no signs of changing. 

Meanwhile Emily was struggling just as much. In general, her life was pretty good. She was now the most senior personal shopper at Selfridges and spent more time in her office doing paperwork than she did with clients. Her appointments were now generally reserved for their most important customers which were pretty much all actors and actresses, singers, tv celebrities, etc. However the only famous person she had any interest in was Tom. She barely saw him these days as he was always away filming or whatever but they still spoke most days and whenever he was home he would either come and stay with her or she would go and stay at him in his new house. Despite Tom now being a Hollywood star, to her he was still the same person he’d always been, although the skinny, curly haired boy she’d fallen in love with was now long gone, replaced by a shorter haired, toned, classically handsome man that was worshipped by women all over the world. She knew it was only a matter of time before someone caught his eye and her heart was well and truly shattered forever. It had been 4 years since they’d shared a kiss on her birthday and there was a part of Emily that had hoped that one day it would happen again. For a long time she’d been adamant that she would never put herself in that situation, too scared of the certain rejection that always followed. But as time went on she found herself desperately wanting the chance to be intimate with him again, regardless of how much it would hurt. She just  _ needed  _ him. No matter how much she wanted it though, it was never going to happen, not now after so long. Too much had changed. Tom could have any woman he wanted now, why would he settle for a drunken snog with his best friend?

~

Emily was sitting in her office trying her best to concentrate on the mountain of paperwork piled on her desk when her phone rang. She glared at it for a few seconds, debating whether to ignore it or not before she sighed and threw her pen down, lifting the receiver,

‘Emily Mayhew’ she barked

‘Hello Emily Mayhew, it’s Tom Hiddleston’

‘Hey’ she breathed, her body relaxing involuntarily as a smile spread across her face at the sound of his voice, ‘how’s LA?’

‘LA is ok. How are you? You sound stressed’

Emily leant back in her chair, ‘I’m just busy, and tired. I need a holiday’

‘funny you should say that…... I had an idea’

‘Go on?’

‘How much notice do you need to give for time off?’

Emily shrugged, ‘depends on what I’ve got on. Where’s this going?’

‘When I finish here at the end of next week I’ve got to go to Florida for a meeting at Disney. Why don’t you fly out and meet me there? We could go to the parks for a couple of days and then the week after we could go down to the Keys. I haven’t seen you for so long Em, come on holiday with me?’

‘What about Bobby?’

‘We’ll put him in boarding kennels. It’s only for a week, he’ll be fine’

Emily leant forwards and brought up her diary on the laptop, ‘tell me dates’

‘I’m in Florida on Monday the 10th. I have meetings until Wednesday. So come out like, Wednesday night or Thursday?’

Emily huffed as she studied her calendar, ‘I’m flat out that week. I have a meeting with Gucci on Thursday about their new collection’

‘You don’t need to go to that. You’ve seen me wearing their suits. You know what they look like’

Emily laughed, ‘I wish it was that easy’

‘How about the week after? Meet me down in the Keys’

Emily flipped her calendar to the following week,

‘I have one appointment but I’m sure I can arrange for someone else to do it’ she blocked out the whole week, flagging it as busy and smiled to herself. A whole week with Tom…...how could she say no?

‘So that’s sorted then?’ Tom asked

‘Yeah’ Emily answered, ‘thank you. You have no idea how much I need a break. And if I get to see you as well that makes it even better’

‘I’ll get something booked and email you the details’

‘Let me know how much I owe you too’

‘Don’t be silly Em. This is my treat’

Emily sighed, ‘are we going to have this conversation again?’

The last few years Tom had become increasingly generous, and paid for everything when they met, be it a coffee in Starbucks or a three course meal in a posh London restaurant. Emily always protested, arguing that she was perfectly able to pay her share but Tom always refused.

‘No we’re not’ Tom answered, ‘because I’m paying and that’s it. I want to see you Em and therefore it’s only right that I pay for you to be here with me’

Annoying, stubborn, adorable man. Emily knew it was pointless trying to argue so she begrudgingly agreed and they chatted for a while longer before her assistant was knocking cautiously on her door to say her client had arrived.

‘I’ve got to go’ she sighed

‘Ok. I’ll email you tonight……..I can’t wait to see you Em’

‘Me too. I’ll speak to you later, ok?’

By the time Emily got home and checked her emails, Tom had sent her the details. Of course he’d booked a luxurious suite in a five star resort, as well as first class flights for her. Emily had to admit the hotel did look amazing though. She scrolled through the pictures, admiring the private balcony and infinity pool, the plush lounge area…...and the bedroom, which is where she stopped. The room had a huge queen sized four poster bed draped with crisp white voiles, and the opposite wall was floor to ceiling windows, looking out over a small beach lined with palm trees. 

‘Fuck’ she muttered, dropping her head to hands.

~

Emily fidgeted from leg to leg as she waited for her bag to come through. Tom’s flight from Orlando had already arrived and he’d text her to say he was waiting in arrivals for her. Finally spotting her bag coming towards her on the carousel, she hauled it to the ground and dashed for the exit. She hadn’t seen Tom face to face for nearly six months and she was insanely excited. As she walked through the doors to the arrivals hall she saw him straight away, towering above everyone else and grinning widely at her. She quickened her pace to almost a run, throwing herself into his outstretched arms, closing her eyes and holding him as tight as she could,

‘Hey darling’ he murmured into her hair

‘Hey filmstar’ she whispered. Tom chuckled, letting go of her, 

‘Let’s get out of here. The car’s waiting outside’

He took her case from her and started walking swiftly towards the exit as Emily trotted along behind. Outside a large black car was waiting, and Tom smiled and nodded at the driver, handing him the cases before opening the door for Emily to climb in. Once they were seated and the car had pulled off, Tom turned to her,

‘Did you look at the photos of the hotel?’

Emily nodded, ‘it’s paradise’

‘It’s a four hour drive away’

Emily groaned and yawned, glancing out the window, as Tom stifled a yawn of his own, 

‘Did you sleep on the plane?’

Emily shook her head, ‘not a wink. I tried but I couldn’t get comfortable’

Tom picked his jacket up from the seat and rolled it into a ball, placing it in his lap and patting it, 

‘Get some sleep. I could probably have a snooze too, and we’ve got time’

Emily’s eyes darted between his lap and his face. The concept of having her head that close to his crotch triggering all sorts of filthy ideas in her head. But the thought of a few hours sleep was too appealing to turn down so she shuffled around and gently lay her head in his lap facing away from him, wriggling until she was comfortable, as Tom put his elbow on the arm rest and dropped his head to his hand. The last thing Emily remembered before she dozed off was his other hand softly stroking her hair.

She woke to the driver announcing their arrival at the hotel. She must have turned in her sleep as she was now facing Tom, her face practically buried in his stomach. The first thing she saw as she opened her eyes was the small scattering of hair trailing down from his belly button to beneath the waistband of his jeans, his t shirt having ridden up while he was asleep.  _ Jesus.  _ Her breath hitched as she realised his other hand was splayed across her thigh, almost on her bum. At that moment Tom stirred too and immediately moved his hand back down her leg and Emily sat up abruptly, looking out the window as she stretched.

‘Look at this place!’ Tom exclaimed, flinging the car door open and climbing out. Emily slid out the opposite side and watched as Tom helped the driver get their cases out the boot. Emily’s week of beautiful torture had begun.

~

Tom was was in paradise with his best friend, his favourite person in the world, but he wasn’t sure if it was heaven or hell. They’d spent most of the week either on their private terrace or the beach just relaxing and catching up with each other after having been apart for six months. The problem was, that had meant Emily had also spent most of the week strolling around in a bikini. The first day she’d stepped out onto the terrace Tom had almost choked on his bottle of water before quickly turning over to lay on his front so she wouldn’t notice how hard he’d become within seconds of seeing her. He’d been semi naked with some very beautiful actresses over the past few years and managed to control himself, yet Emily could affect him just like that without even trying. She continued to unknowingly torture him all week, and most days while he was in the shower he ended up tugging frantically at his cock as images of Emily invaded his thoughts. That was without mentioning sharing the most incredible four poster bed with her. He had no idea why he’d thought the honeymoon suite would be a good idea when he booked it. Maybe in some stupid daydream he’d imagined falling naked into it with her, caressing every inch of her body, listening to her screaming his name as he buried his head between her legs, feeling her fall apart as his tongue teased her clit. But instead, they’d got changed in separate rooms and lay opposite each other with what seemed like miles between them, talking easily until one of them would fall asleep. Usually it was Emily first and Tom was slightly embarrassed to admit that he would watch her for a while, wondering what she dreamt of, and wishing it was him.

Despite all this, Tom didn’t want their holiday to end. Every moment he spent with her was worth more to him than any fame or fortune. He’d give it all up in a breath for her, as ridiculous as it sounded. The thought of saying goodbye to her tomorrow to go back to LA to start filming his next movie while she went home to the UK made him want to cry, so he was determined to make their last night as special as he could. They took a cab into the town and ate dinner at a restaurant overlooking the water. They shared a bottle of wine but once that was gone and Emily suggested ordering another, Tom declined using his early flight as an excuse not to get drunk. In reality, he knew that if he had too much to drink there would be no way that he would be able to control his feelings and he would end up kissing her again. Perhaps Emily realised what he was thinking as she nodded thoughtfully before changing the subject. Whatever she was saying, he’d stopped listening as he looked at her. She was beautiful. Her dark and naturally wavy hair had grown so long now and was cascading over her shoulders, contrasting against the deep tan she’d acquired this week. His eyes carried on down her body, pausing momentarily on the swell of her breasts before they continued to her thighs which were only just covered by her short wrap dress. He wondered if she had any idea how breathtakingly gorgeous she was. He knew he’d ever find anyone who was able to capture his attention quite the way she did. No one would ever even come close. He was broken from his thoughts by Emily slapping him gently on the arm, 

‘Tom? Hello??’

He blinked and smiled at her, ‘Sorry Em. I zoned out there for a minute. What were you saying?’

She laughed and shook her head, ‘I said shall we go?’ 

Tom smiled, ‘Yeah. Yeah, let’s go. C’mon’

They left the restaurant and started walking back to the hotel, Tom slinging his arm casually over her shoulder. As they walked through the town the sound of Latin American music filled the air and they rounded the corner to see a band, surrounded by crowds of people dancing in the street. As they approached, Tom grabbed Emily’s hand and twirled her around. She let out a yelp of surprise but as Tom spun her back towards him, she was giggling,

‘Always bloody dancing you are, Hiddleston’

He smiled at her cheekily as he clasped her hands with his, and moved her with him in time to the music. He was sure to keep a respectful distance between them as they danced, remembering how things had ended a few years ago when they’d last danced together. After a few minutes Emily started to tug on his hand, ‘come on, that’s enough’

When they finally arrived back at their room, Emily sunk into the sofa and started taking her sandals off. Tom watched her for a second before he spoke,

‘Em, I’ve got a present for you’

Emily looked up, ‘you have?’

He nodded, ‘I’ll just get it, hang on’

He disappeared into the bedroom and opened his bag, where he had been hiding it all week, ready to give to her on their last night. He walked back into the lounge, smiling as Emily’s eyes widened at the large Stitch soft toy he was holding,

‘Oh my god!’ She squealed, standing up and rushing towards him, snatching it from him and hugging it.

‘I saw it when I was at Disney and knew I had to get it for you straight away. I just thought, as I’m not around so much any more it will remind you of me and anytime you need a hug, if I’m not there to give you one……….’ he trailed off and smiled at her, ‘do you like it?’

Emily looked up from where she had her head buried in the toy, ‘I love him!’ 

She set it down on the sofa and grabbed Tom, hugging him, 

‘Thank you’ she whispered into his shoulder.

Tom laughed as Emily kissed him chastely on the cheek. Suddenly, the atmosphere in the room changed. Emily still had her lips just brushing his cheekbone, and he turned towards the contact as she drew back slightly, her mouth now mere millimetres from his…...then she was kissing him. Just a tentative press of her lips against his, as Tom’s brain raced to catch up with what was happening. Emily was kissing him…...she was kissing  _ him. _

‘Em’ he breathed. It took every ounce of willpower in his body as he pulled away, resting his forehead against hers.

‘Please…….’ She whimpered, her voice almost sounding desperate as she ran her hands down from his shoulders, resting them on his chest and letting out a shaky breath, ‘please…….’

Tom let out a low throaty moan and grabbed the back of her neck, pulling her into a hungry kiss, his tongue eagerly exploring her mouth. Emily responded immediately, grabbing his shirt and frantically tugging on the buttons. He let go of her to reach down and help her before she yanked the shirt off his shoulders and he shrugged it off his arms, dropping it to the floor. He gripped her hips, walking her backwards until her back hit the wall and pulled at the tie belt of her dress. It came undone and Tom easily slid the dress off her body, letting that flutter to the floor too. He reached around behind her and unhooked her bra, Emily sliding it off and chucking it behind him. They hadn’t stopped kissing the whole time - deep, needy, open mouthed kisses as they pawed at each other, driven by lust. Tom dipped his head, peppering kisses across her collar bones as his hands cupped her breasts. Emily grabbed blindly for his shorts, popping the button open and unzipping them urgently, shoving them down his legs. Tom stepped out of them, thankful that tonight he hadn’t bothered with underwear. He placed his hands flat against the wall either side of her head and pressed his body against her, eliciting a quiet moan from Emily as his cock twitched against her stomach. He hooked his fingers under the waistband of her knickers and eased them down, taking her nipple in his mouth and teasing it with his tongue as Emily ran her hands through his hair and dropped her head back against the wall, moaning again. His hand travelled back up her thigh and over her bum, grabbing it, lifting her up off her feet and pushing into her as Emily gasped, clutching his shoulders. Tom silenced her with his mouth, biting at her bottom lip as he started to thrust up into her. He was panting and his arms were starting to hurt but all he could think was  _ Emily. _ Every part of his body was desperate for her, wanting more…...wanting everything she could give him. He pulled her away from the wall and carried her towards the bedroom, laying her gently down on the bed and crawling ontop of her, supporting himself on his elbows. Emily stared up at him, breathing heavily before she slid her hand round the back of his neck and pulled him down, kissing him again. He moaned as her tongue dragged across his bottom lip and thrust roughly back into her, pulling almost all the way out and slamming back into her so hard that she was forced up the bed, clawing at the sheets to steady herself. He fucked her rough and fast until she cried out, gripping his shoulders as she came. The feeling of her clenching around him was enough to have him growling like a feral animal as he followed her to his climax, burying his head in her neck.

The silence that followed was tense, as they both lay still catching their breath, the reality of what they’d just done setting in. Tom was still buried in her and he didn’t want to move, knowing that when he did this moment would be gone, and he wasn’t ready for that. He didn’t want to face Emily and see the look of regret that was inevitably going to be written all over her face, so he closed his eyes and tightened his hold on her, nestling his face against her hair. Emily exhaled loudly and stroked her hand down his back as she turned her head and her lips grazed over his ear. God, if she kept doing that he would be hard again within minutes and he didn’t want to push his luck any further by initiating round two, no matter how much he wanted to. Then he remembered that Emily had started this - she had been the one to kiss him. Neither of them had been drunk this time…...did Emily actually want this too? In that moment Tom realised that the only way he was going to find out was to talk to her. He was going to have to finally admit the feelings he had been hiding from her for all these years. But first he really needed to pee. Taking a deep breath he forced himself to move, climbing off Emily,

‘Need the loo’ he mumbled, glancing at her quickly to find her watching him, her expression unreadable. He scurried to the bathroom, taking care of what he needed to do before leaning on the sink and breathing in and out slowly a couple of times as his stomach somersaulted nervously. He just needed a few moments to calm himself, and then he would go and speak to her. He turned the tap on and splashed some cold water on his face, then scooped some into his hands and tipped it into his mouth. Just a few more minutes…..then he’d go. 

Emily climbed out of bed and retrieved her clothes from the living room floor, hanging her dress up and putting her underwear back on quickly. She couldn’t believe she’d been so stupid. God, that had been the most amazing sex she’d ever had in her life…….but now she felt absolutely distraught. How could they move on from this? This wasn’t just a drunken kiss, this was frantic, lust blown, full on  _ sex.  _ They’d crossed a line this time, and she didn’t know if or how they could go back.Tom had been in the bathroom for ages, obviously trying to think of an excuse for their latest slip. She honestly couldn’t face the thought of having yet another awkward conversation where they brushed this under the carpet and pretended it never happened, so she climbed back into bed and curled up on her side, her back to Tom’s side of the bed. Hearing the bathroom door finally open, she squeezed her eyes closed as she felt the mattress dip next to her and Tom’s breath on her shoulder,  

‘Em?’ he whispered. 

She stayed completely still. If she pretended she was asleep this would all go away, and with Tom’s flight being so early in the morning she would likely still be asleep when he left so she wouldn’t have to talk to him then either. So she lay there with her eyes closed, listening as Tom sighed and settled next to her, turning the bedside lamp off. The room fell silent as Emily finally opened her eyes again, staring blankly into the darkness as a tear trickled down her cheek. 

__  
  
  



	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There’s some mentions of pregnancy and abortion in this chapter so if that could be a trigger for you, proceed with caution. Also things may not be medically accurate - I’m not a doctor so I’ve just taken stuff from google to help me.

_What hurts the most_

_Was being so close_

_And having so much to say_

_And watching you walk away_

_~_

How could something so good turn everything so bad? Tom sighed as he gazed out the window of his hotel room, watching the rain trickling down the glass. It had been two weeks since He’d got back from Florida and he hadn’t spoken to Emily at all. The morning he’d left, he packed up quietly while she was asleep and once he was ready to go he’d crouched down at the side of the bed next to her, wondering whether he should wake her up to say goodbye, if nothing else. But once again, his nerves got the better of him so instead he brushed the hair gently off her face, biting his lip as he watched her. He leant over, kissing her forehead softly and sighed,

‘I love you, Em’ he whispered, before standing and picking up his case, leaving the room quietly.

He had meant to call her the next day, he really had, but every time he picked up his phone a feeling of dread set in his stomach and he just couldn’t do it. So he waited for her to call him, but she didn’t. She didn’t call, she didn’t text…...nothing. They’d been friends for over 30 years and they’d never gone this long without talking. Tom was absolutely heartbroken, and he didn’t know how to fix it, or if he even could.

When Emily had woken the next morning in Florida, Tom was already gone. She breathed a sigh of relief that he hadn’t woken her, tried to talk to her about the previous night. She knew they would have to discuss it eventually, and Tom was sure to call her at some point in the next couple of days, but it would be slightly easier to deal with it by phone. She wouldn’t have to force a smile, nod and assure him everything was ok. She could fall apart all over again on her own and he wouldn't even know. But by the time she’d got home and collected Bobby, the call hadn’t come. It didn’t come the next day either, or the day after that. It hadn’t come for six weeks, and his radio silence had spoken volumes, telling her everything she needed to know so she hadn’t tried to call him either. And now here she was, curled up on her bathroom floor wearing Toms hoodie, staring wide eyed at the positive pregnancy test in her shaking hand.

_This could not be happening._

‘Oh my god’ Emily whined, dropping her head back against the wall and bursting into tears, letting the plastic wand fall to the floor and covering her face with her hands. As if things weren’t bad enough, now she had to tell Tom she was having his baby. She’d dreamt of this moment many times but it wasn’t meant to happen like this, not as the result of another one of their hotheaded, ill advised dalliances. She knew Tom would look after her and the baby, because that was just Tom. But this was never how she’d planned to bring a child into the world. She ran her hands roughly through her hair and pushed herself to her feet, kicking the pregnancy test across the floor in frustration and walked downstairs to the kitchen, filling a glass of water and sipping it thoughtfully. She needed a week or so to get her head around this, and see a doctor to get checked over, but then perhaps it was finally time to be honest with Tom, and tell him how she really felt as well as that she wa having his baby. One thing she was sure of was that it couldn’t make things any worse than they were right now.

~

Tom never thought this would happen. It had all taken him completely by surprise, but in a good way. He stretched sleepily and turned to the woman next to him in bed, running his hand down her arm and kissing her shoulder. She stirred and shifted onto her back, smiling at him,

‘Hey’

‘Hey yourself’ he replied, leaning down to kiss her.

He’d met Taylor three weeks after he’d come back from Florida, as they’d hit it off straight away and he’d been instantly attracted to her. Things had moved pretty quickly from there and they’d spent a lot of time together over the following weeks. She really was great, and gorgeous as well. He had to admit he was pretty taken with her. He hadn’t felt like this about anyone for a long time….maybe he had finally found the person who could help him get over Emily. Perhaps no one would ever actually _be_ Emily, but if he couldn’t have her then Taylor was certainly the next best thing, and he could see a future with her.

His phone rang on the bedside table and he moaned frustratedly into Taylor’s mouth,

‘Leave it’ she whispered, running her hand down his chest. He broke the kiss and looked at her apologetically,

‘I can’t’

Part of him was still holding out hope that Emily would ring. He couldn’t risk missing a call, just in case. He rolled away from her, grabbing for his phone and looking at the incoming call, swiping his screen across,

‘Hey man’ he answered to Luke, trying to hide the disappointment in his voice.

‘Hey mate. So the pap pictures of you and Taylor at the beach yesterday are about to break. I would suggest if there’s anyone you don’t want to find out through the press, you call them ASAP. You’ve got a couple of hours at most’

Tom groaned and rubbed his forehead, ‘Ok mate, yeah…...thanks’

He hung up and sighed, turning to Taylor, ‘Pap pictures are about to drop. I need to make a couple of calls’

Taylor leant over and kissed him, ‘I’ll go and have a bath. Feel free to join me when you’re done’

He smiled as she climbed out of bed and walked towards the bathroom, before looking back at his phone. He called his mum, telling her all about Taylor and promising he would bring her back to the UK to visit as soon as he could. By the time he said goodbye to her, he was pacing the hotel room nervously. His next call wasn’t going to be so easy, but no matter what the state of their relationship was, he couldn’t let Emily find out about him and Taylor through the tabloids. After two months, he was going to have to talk to her.

Emily had been on edge all morning. Today was the day she was going to ring Tom and tell him about the baby and confess her feelings, but because of the time difference she had to wait until early afternoon to make the call. She’d spent all morning going over what she was going to say in her head, but she was still absolutely terrified. When her phone rang, Tom’s name lighting up the display she panicked. This wasn’t part of the plan.

‘H-hello?’ she stuttered

‘Em……..hey’ came Tom’s familiar voice on the other end of the line, ‘how are you?’

Emily swallowed hard, ‘I’m ok, yeah. I’m glad you rang, I need to talk to you’

‘I need to talk to you too’ Tom replied, ‘Can I go first?’

A wave of nausea washed over Emily and she took a deep breath, not sure if it was due to nerves or the pregnancy, ‘Um, yeah…….ok’

‘There’s some tabloid pictures about to break of me, and I didn’t want you to find out about it like that’

‘It?’ Emily questioned

‘I’ve been seeing Taylor Swift for the last two months’

Emily’s blood ran cold. She felt like she was going to throw up at any moment, ‘Oh…….’’

‘I’m sorry I didn’t call you before, but it’s just been a bit of a whirlwind……..but she’s really great Em. She’s really, really great. You’d love her’

Emily closed her eyes, willing herself not to cry while she was still on the phone, ‘You sound really happy’

She could practically hear Tom’s smile as he replied, ‘I am. I really like her, Em. Like, _really_ like her…….she might be the one, you know?’

Emily dropped her head to her hands, ‘That’s great……..I’m really pleased for you’

‘Thanks Em. I really am sorry that I haven’t called. It’s good to hear your voice…...I missed you’

‘I missed you too’ she breathed, keeping her voice steady through the tears that had started to fall. This wasn’t meant to happen…….none of this conversation was meant to happen.

‘Anyway, what did you wanna talk to me about?’

She sighed, rubbing her hand over her belly, ‘Oh nothing…….it doesn’t matter’

‘You sure?’

How could she tell him now? Everything was a mess.

‘Yeah, I’m sure. It wasn’t important’

‘Ok well I better go. I’ll speak to you soon, I promise’

‘Alright’

‘Still my best friend?’

Emily had to take a breath to compose herself before she answered, ‘Always’

‘Bye Em’

Emily hung up the phone and threw it down on the sofa next to her, tears streaming down her face. Stupid, _stupid_ Taylor fucking Swift. But Tom had said he was happy, and whatever her feelings were, the most important thing was his happiness. There was no way she could ruin this for him if he really thought Taylor was the one. Sighing, she picked up her phone again and opened google, typing in Toms name. Her heart felt like it was beating out of her chest as she clicked on the top search result and looked at the photos. Tom and Taylor were sitting on a rock by the sea, wrapped around each other as Tom looked at her lovingly. Another wave of nausea washed over her and she dropped her phone, making it to the bathroom just in time. She spent the next ten minutes hunched over the toilet, half wretching and half sobbing, as Bobby sat next to her watching her intently. The sickness subsiding, she sat back on her heels and scrubbed at her eyes as she made a decision……...she couldn’t have this baby.

~

Emily sat in the doctors consulting room, trying to take in everything that he was telling her,

‘Is everything clear so far?’ He asked.

Emily nodded slowly. She felt sick.

‘And you’d still like to continue?’

Emily drew in a deep breath and nodded again. The doctor looked at her for a few moments longer before picking up his pen and opening his diary,

‘The next appointment I have available is next Tuesday’

‘Tuesday…..yeah, that’s fine…..next Tuesday’ Emily replied, her voice wobbling. She couldn’t cry, she’d done so well to hold it together up until now. Just a few more minutes and she’d be done.

‘We’ll need you here at 8am. As I’ve already explained, you will be able to go home the same day, but you won’t be able to drive and I wouldn’t suggest public transport either. It’s advisable to have someone drive you to and from the clinic and ideally stay with you overnight just as a precaution’ the doctor paused and looked up at her nervously, ‘maybe a friend, or perhaps the father….’

Emily shook her head, ‘the father is……...not involved. He’s not around’ saying the words out loud were like cutting the last fragile string that was holding her emotions together. She let out a sob and clasped her hands to her face. The doctor looked at her sympathetically, reaching for the box of tissues on his desk and sliding them towards her,

‘I’m sorry’ Emily sniffled, taking a tissue and blowing her nose,

‘This is a very difficult time for you, we understand that. We offer a counselling service here too. They can help you through all of this. The abortion, the breakdown of a relationship……..’ he trailed off and looked at her suggestively. Emily shook her head again,

‘There never was a relationship’

The doctor gave a nod of understanding, and looked back to his diary,

‘So you’re all booked in for next Tuesday’ he slid a bundle of papers and leaflets towards her, ‘everything we’ve discussed today is in here, along with post procedure information. Have a read through it all and if you have any questions just give us a call, otherwise we’ll see you next week’ he stood and held his hand out. Emily got to her feet and took his hand, shaking it and forcing a smile,

‘Thank you’

She dashed out the office and through the waiting room with her head down, only slowing once she’d got halfway across the car park, letting out another sob. She fumbled for her car keys in her bag, finally locating them and unlocking her car, collapsing into the drivers seat. She tipped her head forwards, leaning it against the steering wheel and tried to take a couple of deep breaths. She just wanted to go home. Lifting her head, she inhaled deeply again and started the car. It was only a ten minute or so drive back, but she’d chosen to take her car rather than the tube as she’d known what a mess she was likely to be after the appointment and she hadn’t wanted to get on the underground in this state. Finally home, she made herself a cup of tea and curled up onthe sofa with Bobby at her side as she thought about next week, remembering the doctors instructions about bringing a friend…...or the father. As they’d already established, Tom was out of the question. Ordinarily the next person she would turn to in a crisis would be Diana, but how exactly would she explain that one?

_Hi Diana, I’m about to abort the baby your son doesn’t even know I’m having…...I just wondered if you’d come with me?_

Ha…..nope. So Emily was pretty much out of options. She’d never needed other friends, Tom had always been enough. There was only one other person she knew well enough in London to call for help, but it had been years since they’d spoken. Emily didn’t really have any choice but to try. She picked up her phone and scrolled through her phone book. Taking a deep breath, she dialled the number.

Two hours later there was a knock at Emily’s door. She opened it, smiling nervously,

‘Hi’

‘Hi Emily’ Ben half smiled at her as she stepped back, gesturing for him to come in. He followed her into the kitchen as she flicked the kettle on,

‘Coffee? Tea?’

He nodded, ‘Coffee please’

He watched her curiously as she set about making the drinks,

‘I would ask you how you are, but judging by your phone call and how rough you look, you’re not good’

Emily glanced at him, ‘Thanks…….’

Ben folded his arms and leant back against the kitchen counter, ‘What’s going on Em?’

Letting the nickname slip, she busied herself pouring the drinks, ‘Let me just finish this and we’ll go and sit down and I’ll tell you everything’

She handed him his mug and he followed her into the living room, putting it down on the table and watching her as she fidgeted on the sofa nervously,

‘I must admit I was expecting you to be shacked up with Hiddleston by now, but then I saw the press last week about him and Taylor Swift and I wondered what had happened to you’ he eyed her as she chewed her thumbnail anxiously,

‘This is about Tom isn’t it? Come on Emily, what’s happening? We haven’t spoken for years and then you call me out of the blue, asking me for help but refusing to tell me what’s wrong over the phone. I’m here now…...talk to me’

Emily sighed and dropped her hands to her lap,

‘I’m pregnant’

She watched as Bens eyes widened, ‘Oh shit……..and I’m assuming Tom’s the father?’

Emily winced and nodded as Ben frowned, clearly trying to piece together the situation,

‘So you two split up?’

‘We were never together. It was a one night stand…...a mistake’

‘Does he know?’

‘No…..and he’s not going to. I’m going to have an abortion’

Ben rolled his eyes, ‘Emily…….’

Emily held her hand up, silencing him, ‘Please, Ben. Just trust me on this. I can’t tell him’

Ben sighed, ‘Ok, so where do I fit into this god almighty mess?’

Emily cleared her throat and looked at him, ‘I need someone to take me to and from clinic…….and stay with me for twenty four hours in case there’s any post surgery complications’

‘And that someone’s me?’

Emily nodded, ‘I haven’t got anyone else’

Ben shuffled forwards on the sofa, picking up his mug and taking a sip of coffee, staring out the window thoughtfully, before putting it down again and turning to her,

‘Ok. I’ll help you’

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There may be more triggers here, and also again some things may not be medically correct.

_What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you_

  
_And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're OK_

  
_I'm falling to pieces_

 

_~_

 

Emily hadn’t stopped crying all day. From the moment she woke up, while she was getting ready, on the drive to the clinic - she cried the whole time.  By the time they were getting her ready for the procedure, it was more than crying. It was the kind of desolate sobbing that comes from someone completely drained of all hope. Ben was doing his best to comfort her, but the person that she really wanted, the only person that would make her feel better, was the one person she couldn’t have with her for this. 

Ben took her hand, ‘Em, come on. It’s going to be ok’

‘I want Tom’ she sobbed

‘Do you want me to call him?’ 

Emily shook her head dramatically, ‘No!!’

‘Then you’re going to have to calm down....take a deep breath’

Emily tried to take a breath but it caught in her throat and she let out another sob as a nurse approached looking concerned,

‘Emily, were just going to give you a little injection to help you calm down’

‘What is it? Ben asked, eyeing her cautiously

‘Just a mild sedative…….nothing too strong, just enough to calm her down’

Ben looked back at her and Emily nodded. Right now all she wanted was for this crushing pain and feeling of emptiness to go away and whatever they wanted to give her, she would gladly take,

‘Just make it stop hurting, please’ she begged. The nurse squeezed her hand reassuringly and took her arm, tapping it to find a vein, 

‘Just a little scratch’ she whispered, as Emily felt the needle pierce her skin. The last thing she remembered was Ben's voice,

‘Thank you. I don’t know what else to do for her…….she’s absolutely heartbroken that she’s having to do this’

~ 

When Emily came round, she was in the recovery ward and Ben was sitting in a chair next to her, looking at his phone. She moved hesitantly and he looked up at her,

‘Hey’ he smiled, leaning forward and taking her hand

‘Is it done?’ She asked

Ben nodded, ‘it’s done’

For the next few hours Emily was too tired, drained and miserable to care about anything. Finally that evening the doctor was happy for her to be discharged, sending her home with medication and instructing her to take it easy for a few days. 

She breathed a sigh of relief as she walked through her front door and Ben helped her into the living room and to the sofa before he disappeared to make them both a cup of tea. Coming back into the room, he put the mugs down on the table and sat down next to her, smiling sympathetically and rubbing her arm,

‘How are you feeling?’

Emily sighed, ‘numb’

‘It’s over now Em’

Emily looked at him and shook her head, ‘it’s not over. It’s never going to be over for me because I’ve got to live with this for the rest of my life. Things are never going to be the same again’ 

She started to cry and Ben shuffled up the sofa and put his arm around her, 

‘It’ll be ok, I promise. But you’ve got to sort yourself out, Em. Look at you…….this isn’t healthy. You've been putting yourself through hell for years. It’s time to let go of Tom, for your own sanity’

‘But he’s my best friend’ 

Ben shook his head, ‘He’s not. He’s a whole lot more than that and that’s the problem. Your whole world revolves around him. You need to take a step back. You can still be friends, but take some breathing space’

‘But I haven’t got anyone else’

‘You’ve got me. I know we’ll never have a friendship like yours and Tom’s but I’ll be here for you, if you want me to be’

Emily sniffed and looked at him, ‘Thank you. You didn’t have to do this…...any of this’

Ben shrugged, ‘You can’t do it on your own, and I can’t just sit and watch you destroy yourself any more than you already have’

He patted her leg and smiled, ‘I’m going to take Bobby out for a walk. Put the tv on and just relax, ok? I won’t be long’

Emily spent the next two days laid on the sofa doing pretty much nothing. Every time she went on the internet she was faced with new photos of Tom and Taylor parading around together looking all loved up, and she knew Ben was right - she had to step away from Tom before she lost her mind. This proved to be easier said than done though, when he called her later that day,

‘Hi!’ She chirped, trying her best to sound cheerful

‘I can’t talk for long, me and Taylor are just about to go out for dinner……’

Emily rolled her eyes as he continued, ‘But I’m coming home next week. I can’t wait to see you and Bobby’

Emily’s stomach flipped as she replied, ‘Yeah, me too’

~

When her doorbell rang a week later, Emily felt sick. She hadn’t seen Tom face to face since Florida…...since he’d been naked on top of her…….since she’d had the abortion. So much had changed since then, it felt like a lifetime not just four months. She opened the door and Tom was standing there grinning at her,

‘Hey Em’ he breathed, stepping forward and hugging her tight. Emily let out a breath and closed her eyes as she melted into him. Everything was familiar and reassuring - his smell, his voice, his presence…...how the hell was she meant to distance herself from him?

‘You’ve lost weight’ he frowned, stepping back and looking at her 

‘I’ve not been very well the last couple of weeks…...it’s probably just that’

‘Are you ok now?’

Emily smiled, ‘Yeah, I’m fine’

She wasn’t fine. She was so unbelievably broken and the only person who could fix her was him _.  _

_ ‘ _ Tea?’ she asked brightly. Tom nodded and followed her towards the kitchen as Bobby appeared and charged excitedly towards Tom.

‘I was about to take him out for a walk’ Emily commented as she pulled a couple of mugs out the cupboard

‘Well let’s take him now. We can grab a tea to take away at the cafe and take him up to Primrose Hill. He can stretch his legs and we can catch up’

Tom found Bobbys lead while Emily pulled on her coat and trainers, and they strolled along the road to the cafe, Emily waiting outside with Bobby while Tom ordered their drinks, emerging a few minutes later with two takeaway cups. They wandered along to Primrose Hill where Tom unclipped Bobbys lead and he charged off while they found a bench and sat down, watching as he ran round excitedly.

‘I assume you’re taking him back with you?’ Emily asked

‘Yeah. Taylor arrives at the end of the week and I want her to meet him obviously’

Emily’s blood ran cold at the mention of her name. She took a sip of her tea, wincing as it burnt her mouth.

‘I’d like you to meet her too’ Tom added.

No. No no no no no. How could she meet this woman, smile politely and make small talk with her when she was the reason everything had gone wrong? She was the reason Emily wasn’t having a baby with Tom. This was her fault. All Emily wanted to do was punch her in her stupidly perfect face. 

‘We’ll stay in London for a couple of weeks and then head up to mums for Christmas. I don’t know when you were thinking of coming up, but you can travel with us if you like?’

Every year since her mum had passed away, Emily had gone with Tom to Diana’s for Christmas. She hadn’t even thought about this year until now, but knowing Taylor was going to be there made the decision easy for her,

‘I’m not going to be able to make it this year’ she lied, looking at Tom as his face dropped before adding, ‘I’ve got to work, y’know, get ready for the boxing days sales. I’ve got out of it for so long that this year I thought it was only fair that I took a turn’

Tom was still looking at her, disappointment written all over his face, ‘I hope they’re paying you well’

She nodded, ‘They are. I’m sorry, I should have told your mum earlier but I’ve only just found out’

‘So you’re going to be on your own on Christmas Day?’

‘I’ll be working, Tom. I’m sure it won’t be that bad. From what I’ve heard about previous years it’s quite fun’

Tom sighed and nodded, ‘Ok. Well I guess if you have to work……..’ he trailed off and shrugged as Bobby ran back up to them and sat down at their feet, Tom leaning down to pat him.

‘Sorry’ Emily whispered as she tried not to cry. She hated this, all of it.

‘Come and meet Taylor at the weekend then?’ Tom said, his face brightening again, ‘come to my house on Sunday, we’ll have lunch together’’

Emily couldn’t think fast enough to make up another excuse so instead she found herself smiling and nodding, ‘That sounds great’

Suddenly from their left a small child appeared, giggling as she reached out her arms towards Bobby, her parents in hot pursuit.

‘I’m so sorry’ panted her mother, out of breath from chasing the toddler. Tom smiled back at her,

‘It’s not a problem, Bobby likes children’

He looked down at the little girl, ‘Would you like to stroke him?’

The child nodded enthusiastically and Tom held out his hand for her to take, placing it gently on Bobbys back. Emily swallowed hard as she watched the interaction, thoughts of their own child and what could have been flooding her brain. Tom showing their son or daughter how to pet Bobby, sitting on the floor with them laughing as Bobby licked their faces. She was brought back to earth by Tom waving the child and her parents away before he turned to Emily,

‘She was cute. I can’t wait to have kids’

Emily felt like she was going to be sick. She could feel her palms getting sweaty and her head was spinning.

‘Em, are you ok?’

‘I’m, um, not feeling too good again’ she stuttered, standing up, ‘I’ve got to go……..I’ll see you Sunday’

Without waiting for Tom to answer, she turned on her heels and walked swiftly away from him, as tears pricked her eyes.

~

Tom was nervous and even Taylor walking around his bedroom naked wasn’t helping to calm him down. Emily was due to arrive soon for dinner and this had to go well. He didn’t want to think about what would happen if his best friend and his girlfriend didn’t get on. He’d been worrying about Emily all week as it was after she’d dashed off so suddenly the other day when they’d been out walking Bobby. He’d text her later that evening to check on her and had got a very brief message back assuring him that she was ok, but he just had this feeling something wasn’t right. Something about the way she’d acted around him was different. Maybe he’d try and catch her on her own while she was over today. Surely if there was something wrong she’d tell him……..they were best friends, weren’t they?

‘Baby?’ Taylor clapped her hands in front of his face, pulling him from his thoughts. He smiled up at her from where he was sitting in the bed, 

‘Sorry, what?’

‘I said does this look ok?’

Tom took in her cropped top and skinny jeans and nodded, ‘Yeah. Yeah, you look fine’

The doorbell rang downstairs and Tom jumped off the bed,

‘That’ll be Emily’ he called over his shoulder as he ran to the door.

Emily stood on the doorstep fidgeting with the bottle of wine in her hand when the door opened and there was Tom. God, why was he so gorgeous?

‘Hey’ he smiled giving her a quick hug before stepping back so she could come in. He lead her to the kitchen, taking the bottle of wine from her as Taylor strutted in. She walked straight up to him and attached herself to Tom’s side,

‘You must be Emily. I’m Taylor’

She held out her hand and Emily shook it, forcing a smile,

‘Hi’

‘I’ve heard so much about you from this one’ Taylor said, looking at Tom before leaning up to kiss him. He kissed her back and Emily watched as they smiled at each other lovingly, as jealous anger started to bubble up inside her. How  _ dare _ she. How dare she swan in here with her perfect hair and her perfect face and take away the man that she wanted so badly. How dare she deny them the chance of happiness, of a  _ child.  _

‘Ahh, aren’t you two just the cutest?’ She said sarcastically, her mouth engaging before her brain could stop it. They both turned to look at her and she cleared her throat awkwardly, 

‘Come on Hiddleston, let’s get that wine open’ she walked over to the kitchen drawer and took out a corkscrew, quickly opening the wine and getting some glasses out the cupboard. She poured three glasses and took hers, taking a large gulp of it and smiling over dramatically at the other two. The only way she was going to get through the next few hours was with the help of alcohol. 

By the time they’d eaten and Emily had decided she had been there long enough for it to be acceptable for her to now leave, she knew two things. Firstly, she was drunk. Secondly, she hated Taylor. She breathed a sigh of relief as she unlocked her front door, kicking it shut behind her and toeing her shoes off. She headed straight for the kitchen, pulling another bottle of wine out of the rack and pouring a glass. Her phone went off and she went to her handbag, pulling it out and opening the text from Ben,

_ How did it go?  _

Emily quickly typed out a reply,

_ It was beyond hideous. I’m home, come over and I’ll tell you all about it while I cry into my wine. _

_ ~ _

Lunch couldn’t have gone any worse. Ever since Emily had left, Tom hadn’t been able to settle. There was something very wrong. The Emily that had been in his house today, either making sarcastic comments or saying absolutely nothing at all, was not the Emily he knew. She’d made it pretty obvious she didn’t like Taylor and in turn her behaviour had made Taylor unsure about Emily too. He really needed to talk to her and find out what was going on. Making a decision, he turned to Taylor who was currently pawing at him from her place next to him on the sofa, 

‘I’m gonna go for a run’

Taylor pouted, ‘Do you have to?’

He nodded, ‘I haven’t been for a couple of days and after that indulgent lunch I feel like I need to’

He kissed her quickly and stood up, ‘I won’t be long’

He dashed upstairs and threw his running clothes on, and five minutes after he was out the door, running towards Emily’s house. Stopping at the end of the path, he bent over with his hands on his knees while he caught his breath. Standing upright again, he pulled his earbuds out and walked down the path, pressing the doorbell. He wasn’t prepared for what he saw next. The door opened and there stood Ben. They stared silently at each other for a few moments, before Ben smiled smugly and called over his shoulder, 

‘Em! You’ve got a visitor’

He looked back at Tom, ‘Hello Tom’ 

Before Tom could reply, Emily appeared. She had an empty wine glass in her hand and her cheeks were stained with tears and immediately Tom scowled at Ben,

‘What’s going on?’ he hissed

‘Stand down filmstar, she’s not crying because of me’ Ben retorted 

Tom’s eyes narrowed as he tried to keep a lid on the anger that was building inside him. He was about to do something he would almost certainly regret, when Emily stepped inbetween them, placing her hand on Bens chest, 

‘I’ll be fine’

Ben finally broke eye contact with him to look down at Emily,

‘Ok, I’ll leave you to it then. Call me later’

He bent down and kissed Emily on the cheek and stepped out the door, giving Tom a sarcastic smile as he walked past him, knocking shoulders with him as he did so. Tom balled his hands and stared after him,

‘Are you coming in?’ Emily demanded. He looked back at her and sighed, following her into the house and towards the kitchen,

‘What’s he doing here?’

‘We’re just friends’ Emily answered with her back to him as she refilled her glass and took a sip

‘Haven’t you had enough to drink for one day? Tom asked as he watched her.

Emily slammed her glass down on the counter and turned to him, 

‘Why are you here, Tom?’

Taken aback by her attitude, he looked at her for a few seconds before he answered quietly,

‘I was worried about you. You’ve been acting strangely ever since I got back’

Emily huffed out a laugh, ‘Don’t worry about me, I’m fine…..I have to be’

She picked up her wine glass again and went to take another mouthful, but Tom stepped forward and snatched it out her hand, putting it down on the counter and grabbing her shoulders,

‘What do you mean you have to be? What’s going on Em?

Emily shrugged her shoulders, trying to wriggle out of his grip, 

‘Don’t’ she hissed 

Tom let go of her and threw his hands in the air, raising his voice in frustration, 

‘Don’t what? touch you? Is it only Ben that’s allowed near you these days? I mean, what's that all about anyway? Why is he around again?’ 

‘Because I needed a friend’ Emily snapped, leaning back against the counter and folding her arms.

‘A friend? Why? What about me?’

‘You weren’t fucking  _ here _ !!’ Emily screamed, tears pooling in her eyes. Tom looked at her wide eyed. They’d never argued, never shouted at each other the whole time they’d been friends, yet here they were yelling at each other and he didn’t even know why. Everything was falling apart and he didn’t understand how this was happening. He sighed,

‘I’m always here. I’m still your best friend, Em’

Emily shook her head. All the anger from a moment ago seemed to have drained from her body and been replaced by sadness, as she looked at the floor, ‘But you have a different life now…… a life I’m not part of’

She blinked and a tear escaped, trickling down her face. This was killing Tom. Any other time he would have scooped her up into a hug and told her everything would be fine, but tonight he was scared to touch her again. He stepped forward tentatively,

‘I’m still the same person. I haven’t changed’

Emily observed him silently for a few seconds before she let out a shaky breath, ‘Yeah, well maybe  _ I  _ have’

‘What?’ Tom breathed, tears of his own now threatening to fall. 

Emily picked up her wine, taking another sip and putting it down again, turning away from him,

‘I can’t do this tonight. I think you should go’

‘Em…….’ he began, but she cut him off, still with her back to him,

‘Please, Tom. Just go. Go back to Taylor’

Defeated and completely heartbroken, Tom sighed. He walked slowly to the kitchen door and paused, looking back at Emily who had her elbows resting on the kitchen counter with her head in her hands, sobbing softly. He wanted to go to her, comfort her, fix whatever the hell had just happened, but he knew they were done. Maybe just for tonight, maybe forever. He opened the front door and stepped outside, closing it quietly behind him


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapters a bit of a long one, but stick with it guys, things will get better in the next chapter.......maybe ;) Also a reminder that Tom’s career may not be in the right chronological order, I’ve kinda tweaked it to fit into this fic :)

_Say something, I'm giving up on you_

  
_I'll be the one, if you want me to_

  
_Anywhere, I would've followed you_

  
_Say something, I'm giving up on you_

 

_~_

If Tom hadn’t had Taylor around to distract him, he was certain he would have lost his mind by now. He found himself constantly going over his argument with Emily, trying to work out what had started it all. She’d been so closed off and defensive, it was just so unlike her. He thought about what she’d said about having to be ok, and how she’d changed…..what did it mean, and why did he feel like somehow it was his fault? 

He desperately wanted to try and talk to her again, but after their last conversation he felt like he just needed to wait this out and let her come to him when she was ready. It had been two and a half weeks and he was still waiting. Christmas Day passed quite uneventfully at his mums house although he knew himself that he’d been more subdued than usual, and he was pretty sure his mum had noticed it too. He’d finally decided to make the first move with Emily that morning and sent her a text,

_ Happy Christmas Em! I hope you have a fun day even though you’re working. Feels weird not having you here, slipping your sprouts onto my plate when mum’s not looking! See you when I get back to London? xx _

He’d spent all day with his phone glued to his hand in the hope Emily would reply, but the silence continued. When Taylor yawned and suggested they go to bed, he nodded,

‘You go up, I’m just gonna go check mums ok. I’ll be up soon’

‘Don’t be too long’ she winked, leaning up to kiss him and walking up the stairs. Tom watched her go before wandering into the kitchen where his mum was still tidying up from the days festivities. She smiled at him as he took a seat at the breakfast bar, 

‘I was just going to make a hot chocolate. Would you like one?’

He hummed in agreement and Diana turned back to the sink, filling the kettle,

‘It’s a shame Emily couldn’t come this year. It’s felt a little odd without her. You’ve missed her too, I can tell. You’ve been quiet all day’

Tom sighed and nodded, looking down at his hands, as his mum continued,

‘I always thought one day you and her would…...you know’

Tom looked up at her, ‘What?’

‘Taylor seems lovely and I like her, but Emily had always been the one I imagined you settling down with one day’

At that moment it was like a switch flipped inside Tom, and before he could catch himself he’d broken down in tears.

‘Oh darling’ Diana exclaimed, setting the mugs down on the counter and sliding into the seat next to him, placing a hand on his back,

‘I knew there was something wrong. Tell me what’s happened’

‘I’m sorry mum’ Tom sniffed

‘What for my darling boy?’

Tom could barely see he was crying so hard. It was like now he’d started, he couldn’t stop. All the years of unrequited feelings and hurt finally pushing their way to the surface and pouring out of him.

‘Mum, I’ve been in love with Emily for years…so many years’

He looked up at her, expecting her to be surprised but she just smiled and nodded slowly,

‘Thomas, you’ve been in love with that girl ever since you first laid eyes on her in primary school. I knew it, Anne knew it, the only people that didn’t know it were you and her’

Tom exhaled shakily and nodded, ‘Yeah’

‘I’d bet everything I own that she’s just as in love with you too’

A whole new set of tears starting to fall, Tom shook his head, ‘She’s not. She doesn’t even like me any more mum, I’ve ruined everything. I’ve lost her’

Diana sighed, ‘I very much doubt that. The bond you and Emily have, it’s so strong, so  _ intense……. _ I don’t think you could physically live without each other’

Tom let out another sob, ‘It hurts, mum. Every day it hurts, knowing that I can’t have her. And now her dickhead ex boyfriend is sniffing around again……’ he huffed and scrubbed at his eyes.

‘Would you like me to talk to her?’ Diana asked

‘No…..there’s no point’

Diana slid his mug towards him, ‘She’ll come back, darling. Just give her time. She needs you just as much as you need her’ 

Drinking the last of her got chocolate, she stood up, ‘Try and get some sleep, ok? We can talk more tomorrow if you like’ she kissed the top of his head,

‘Don’t give up sweetheart. The path of true love never runs smooth’

Tom smiled through his tears, ‘Night mum’

‘Goodnight Thomas’

Once Diana had left the room, Tom pulled his phone out his pocket, checking it hopefully. There were no new messages. Sighing, he finished his drink and headed upstairs to bed.

Tom woke up the next morning in a foul mood. What he didn’t expect was for Taylor’s mood to be even worse. During breakfast she barely spoke to him and he  _ really  _ didn’t have the patience for this today. When she excused herself after they’d eaten, Tom darted out the room after her, catching her arm and pulling her back,

‘What the fuck is wrong with you this morning?’ he hissed

Taylor scowled at him and pulled her arm from his grip and carried on walking up the stairs to the bedroom, Tom following her. Once he’d shut the door behind them she turned to him,

‘I’m leaving’

‘What? Taylor, I’m really not in the mood for this shit today’

‘I heard you. Last night, I came back downstairs to see what was taking you so long……..I heard what you said to your mum’

_ Fuck. _

Tom groaned and raised his eyes to the ceiling, running his hands through his hair as Taylor continued,

‘So I’m leaving today. I’ll go and stay in London until I can get a flight back to New York. And you won’t be coming with me’

Tom sighed and sat down on the bed, ‘I’m sorry’

Taylor shrugged, ‘I always thought there was more to you and Emily than you were letting on…..seems I was right’ she turned away from him, gathering her clothes and starting to shove them into her suitcase. Tom climbed off the bed and went up behind her, 

‘Stay…….please?’

Taylor turned round and looked at him incredulously as he continued,

‘You don’t have to go. Me and Emily…….it’s never going to happen. I’ll get over her, we can make this work’

Taylor laughed, ‘No, Tom. It wouldn’t work, no matter how hard you tried. I’d always be second best’ she turned back to her packing and Tom watched silently. He couldn’t argue any more because he knew she was right. This had been his best chance at getting over Emily and it hadn’t worked. Nothing was ever going to work.

~

If Emily had been asked sum up her life in one word, it would be _ Hell _ . She was surviving, but that was about it. Every day that she got through was an achievement. It had been nearly five months since she’d asked Tom to leave after they’d argued in her kitchen, and she’d not spoken to him since. Tom had tried, texting her relentlessly every couple of days. At first she’d ignored them, talking to him too painful to even imagine. She knew that he was hurting too, completely confused as to what he’d done wrong to make her act the way she had. It had just been easier to ignore the whole situation and pretend it wasn’t happening. The hardest part had been when she saw all over the press that he’d split up with Taylor. She had to say she was surprised after seeing them looking so sickeningly happy just before Christmas, but secretly she was also pleased. Taylor wasn’t good enough for Tom. But then again, would anyone ever be?

Emily honestly felt like just another one of Tom’s fans these days. She was ashamed to say she’d created an anonymous Twitter account and kept up to date with Tom’s latest appearances through that. His latest project had been a six part series on the TV, which Emily had become obsessed with until the first sex scene. As she watched the action unfold on the screen in front of her, she started to feel like she couldn’t breathe. She’d reached for the remote, switching the tv off and throwing the buttons across the room before calling Ben and practically hyperventilating down the phone for a good ten minutes before he managed to calm her down. 

Emily’s biggest challenge was yet to come though. She arrived home from work one evening to find a handwritten envelope in her doormat. Her blood ran cold as she stared at Tom’s familiar handwriting. She dropped it on the kitchen table and took her jacket and shoes off as she eyed it from a distance, before pacing the kitchen for a good fifteen minutes, chewing on her thumbnail as she tied to summon up the courage to open it. Finally, she pulled out a chair and picked it up, taking a deep breath. She ripped the envelope open and pulled out the contents. In her hand was a single ticket to Coriolanus, which was due to start its run in a central London theatre next week, with Tom as the star. Emily groaned, dropping the ticket on the table and covering her face with her hands.

‘Damn you Hiddleston’ she mumbled. She knew it would break his heart if she didn’t go, but she also knew it would break her own if she did. The question was, which did she care more about?

~

Tom was sitting in his dressing room, his right leg bobbing up and down anxiously when suddenly a grape hit him hard on the side of his head.

‘Hey!’ He exclaimed, turning to look at Luke who was watching him from the other side of the room, bunch of grapes in his hand as he ate quietly.

‘Mate, you’re doing my head in! Keep your bloody leg still…...what’s got into your today? You’re not normally this nervous’

Tom sighed as he made a conscious effort to still his body,

‘Emily’

Luke rolled his eyes, ‘What a surprise. Is she coming tonight?’

Tom shrugged, ‘I don’t know’

‘Still not talking, huh?’

He shook his head sadly, picking up his phone and checking it for the hundredth time,

‘No’

Luke smiled at him sympathetically, ‘I hope she does come tonight mate, honestly I do’

‘Me too’ Tom replied, as there was a knock at the door

‘Time to find out’ Luke said, standing to open the door. It was the cue for Tom to head for stage. As he walked down the corridors of the theatre, he took a few deep breaths to try and calm himself down. Whichever way this went it was going to be incredibly hard for him to stay focused. If Emily was there he was going to have to fight every bone in his body not to just jump off the stage mid performance to go and talk to her. If she wasn’t there…...then whatever small part of his heart that wasn’t already broken was going to shatter in front of hundreds of people. Their friendship depended on tonight and if she wasn’t there he knew that meant he’d lost her.

Tom took a last quick mouthful of water from his bottle and dropped it on the floor, walking confidently into the stage. As he delivered his opening lines he could feel hundreds of pairs of eyes on him, he just hoped on of them was Emily’s. After what felt like forever he was finally able to to look out at the audience. He glanced down to the first row of seats, having memorised exactly where Emily would be sitting and his heart almost beat right out of his chest…….she was there. She was actually there and she was staring right back at him, her expression unreadable. A wave of uneasy relief washed over Tom as he held her gaze for a split second before turning away to deliver his next lines. For the rest of the first half of the play he tried to avoid looking at her, afraid he wouldn’t be able to look away again. But he gave the performance his absolute everything, knowing Emily was there giving him renewed confidence. As soon as he was off stage for the interlude he grabbed Luke by the shoulders, grinning wildly,

‘She’s here! Luke, fucking hell…….she’s here’

Luke nodded as he smiled back, ‘I know, mate. I ducked down to the side exit and had a quick look during the first half. I needed to know whether I was going to be dealing with a distraught or ecstatic Thomas Hiddleston during the interlude’

‘You have to get her after the show’ Tom babbled, ‘you have to  _ get her,  _ mate. Bring her backstage…….bring her to  _ me.  _ As soon as those curtains drop, you need to be out there. Don’t let her leave. Do. Not. Let. Her. Go’

Luke placed a hand on Tom’s wrist, ‘Tom, breathe. I’ll get her for you dude, I promise, ok?’

Tom took the same approach in the second half, delivering what he hoped was a faultless performance. After the last act when Tom and the rest of the actors took to the stage to take a bow, he finally dared to look back at Emily. She was on her feet applauding but her face was expressionless as their eyes met. They just looked at each other for a few seconds, and then Emily broke into a smile. Tom beamed back at her as he felt himself starting to relax. Everything was going to be ok. Emily was here, and Luke was going to get her after the show and bring her backstage. They’d talk everything out, and it would all be fine. 

As he took his final bow, Emily bent to pick up her bag and coat. Tom glanced across at Luke who was hovering by the exit, looking between him and Emily nervously. Luke wouldn’t let her go…...he’d promised. As soon as the curtain went down Tom dashed back to his dressing room and quickly got changed so was ready when Emily arrived. He poured himself a drink and perched on the edge of the sofa, glancing at the clock. Luke has been mere metres from her, surely they’d be here soon. He blew out a breath and leant back on the sofa, dropping his head back and closing his eyes. He waited…...and waited…...and waited. Eventually after almost forty five minutes, there was a knock at the door,

‘Come in!’ Tom called cheerfully, getting to his feet as Luke opened the door and stepped in. He was alone.

‘Where is she?’ Tom asked expectantly.

Luke sighed and looked at him, ‘I’m sorry mate. She just took off so quickly…...I tried to catch up, but there were so many people I lost sight of her. I went outside, ran all the way down to the underground, but I couldn’t find her. I tried texting her and ringing her but she didn’t answer’

Tom sunk back down into a chair as Luke repeated,

‘I’m sorry dude. I did my best’

Suddenly Tom’s phone buzzed with a new text message. He grabbed for it and his eyes lit up as he looked at the screen,

‘It’s Em!’

He swiped the screen across and opened the message, reading the three words,

_ Proud of you x _

He chuckled softly, immediately typing out a reply,

_ I was hoping you’d come backstage and see me afterwards x _

Her reply was instant,

_ Sorry, I had to go x _

Tom frowned as his fingers darted over the keypad,

_ That’s a shame. Maybe we can grab a coffee sometime later in the week? x _

But his euphoria was short lived, as he waited eagerly for a reply that never came.

~

Emily huffed in irritation as she looked at her diary for the day. She had a client at 11am who had chosen to remain anonymous. It wasn’t totally unusual for people to do that, some celebrities choosing to not reveal their identity beforehand to try and keep their business as low key as possible and avoid any information leaks of their whereabouts. Emily clicked on the booking, praying that her assistant Sophie had managed to prise a small amount of information from the client. She frowned as she studied the brief notes,

_ New client, requested you specifically. Male.  _

‘Fuck sake’ Emily growled. People who were this secretive were usually arrogant, big headed idiots. This wasn’t what she needed today. She hadn’t slept well at all for the last two weeks, ever since the night she’d gone to watch Tom in Coriolanus. As soon as she’d opened the envelope containing the ticket, she’d known she had to go. It was the perfect opportunity for her to satisfy her ridiculously desperate need to see Tom but without actually having to talk to him. When he appeared on stage, the first opportunity he got he’d glanced to her, and Emily could tell that he’d been unsure if she would actually turn up. The look on his face when they locked eyes for a split second was enough to make her insides melt. No matter what she did or how hard she tried, nothing was going to stop her from loving that man. She hadn’t been able to hide her smile any longer by the end of the play and when Tom had looked at her she grinned back at him proudly. But all too soon the memories of the last few months came flooding back and she found herself overwhelmed and welling up. She’d gathered her things and fled from the theatre as soon as the curtain closed, cursing herself for thinking that she could handle seeing Tom again. To make things even worse, she’d text him when she got home to tell him she was proud of him, and he’d answered immediately saying he’d hoped she would stay after the play and maybe they could catch up for a coffee instead. She didn’t answer him…...she didn’t know how to.

So now here she was two weeks later, sleep deprived and grumpy, desperately missing Tom and fighting a battle between her heart, which was screaming at her to run to Tom, and her head which was telling her it would only make things even worse.

She was pulled from her thoughts by Sophie knocking on her door before popping her head round, her cheeks flushed as she grinned madly,

‘Your eleven o clock is here’

Emily glanced at the clock and huffed, ‘He’s early’

‘Emily, you’ll never guess who it is! It’s Tom bloody Hiddleston!’ Sophie squeaked excitedly

Emily stared at her, ‘What???’

‘I know!’ Sophie squealed, clapping her hands together, ‘Oh my god Emily, he’s gorgeous!! I’m so jealous of you right now!’

Emily gripped the edge of her desk and tried to take a couple of deep breaths. She’d never told anyone at work about her friendship with Tom, so as far as they all knew he was a complete stranger to her.

‘Fuck’ she cursed, dropping her head to the desk.

‘Are you ok?’ Sophie asked nervously.

Emily lifted her head again and looked at her, ‘Yeah, I’m fine’

She stood up and picked up her notebook, walking round her desk and up to Sophie, ‘Do me a favour and get me a coffee? Large…….strong’ 

She walked towards the door as Sophie called, ‘What about Mr Hiddleston?’

‘He’ll have an Earl Grey Tea’ she replied without stopping

‘Wha-’ Sophie started, clearly confused as to how Emily knew what he would want. Opening her office door, Emily glanced back at her,

‘Sophie. Less questions, more drink making please’ 

She turned and slipped out her office, walking along the corridor to the private reception area. As she passed the toilets she paused and darted in, standing on front of the mirror and taking in her reflection. She adjusted her glasses and ran a hand down her dress to straighten it before fluffing her hair up with her fingers. She blew out a breath and exited the toilets, continuing her walk down the corridor, her heels clicking noisily on the marble floor. She entered the reception area, to find Sophie already there with their drinks, giggling flirtatiously at Tom as she poured his tea. They both looked up as she entered, Tom’s face lighting up immediately as she approached them,

‘Hey Em’ he greeted her, stepping towards her and kissing her on the cheek. Emily glanced across at Sophie who was frozen to the spot, staring at them with her mouth open.

‘Hi Tom’ she said quietly, suddenly feeling incredibly uncomfortable that there was someone else in the room watching this awkward exchange unfold. She cleared her throat and moved back from Tom, shooting Sophie a look which caused her to snap out of her daze and hand Emily her coffee,

‘Thank you Soph. You can go now’

Sophie looked between them and nodded, turning and scurrying off.

‘Let’s go’ Emily mumbled, leading Tom towards one of the private suites where they carried out the appointments. He wandered in and took a seat on one of the plush sofas as she shut the door and sat down opposite him,

‘Since when did you wear glasses?’

Emily shrugged, ‘a few months ago. They’re only for reading and stuff’

Tom nodded, glancing down to the floor and then back to her,

‘How are you?’ he asked

Emily sighed, ‘Tom, what are you doing here?’

‘I wanted to see you…. you’re not answering my texts’

‘Are you serious? This is not the time or the place! This is my  _ work _ !’ she hissed, irrational anger rising inside her. How dare he trick her into talking to him.

Tom held his hands up, ‘Em, calm down. I need a suit for the press night of Coriolanus as well. You’ve been bugging me for years to come in and let you pick me some clothes, so here I am’

Emily stared at him silently for a few minutes. She didn’t know whether to slap him round the face or climb into his lap and kiss him. Deciding neither was a good idea, she shuffled her paperwork and tried to keep things professional, making notes about what Tom was looking for. He seemed happy to go along with it for now, and once she’d finished the consultation she put her notepad down and looked at him,

‘I know exactly what to get you. Stay here’

She was up and making for the door before he could say anything else. As she descended the stairs towards the shop floor, Sophie appeared coming from the other direction,

‘Ah, Soph…...perfect timing. Can you grab me a pair of those new Gucci shoes that came in yesterday please, size 11. Oh and more tea and coffee please’

She started to walk away but Sophie dashed after her, ‘You know Tom Hiddleston?’

Emily sighed, ‘I’ve known him since I was five years old’

‘So you’re like, friends?’

Emily stopped and sighed again, looking at Sophie, ‘Yes Soph, we’re friends. Sort of…….I haven’t seen him for a while. Now go. Gucci, size 11’

‘But-’ Sophie started,

‘And more drinks!’ Emily shouted over her shoulder, practically running towards the shop floor to avoid any more questions. She took her time gathering the clothes for Tom to try on, using the time to try and calm herself down. Tom was right, she had been bugging her for years to come and and let her dress him, but not now….not like this. Not when they were barely on speaking terms. Finally with her arms full of clothes, she made her way back to the suite, to find Tom sprawled on the sofa looking far too relaxed for this hellish situation. He smiled as she walked in, kicking the door shut behind her and starting to lay the clothes out on the opposite sofa. Tom stood next to her, reaching out to touch things as she tried to set them all out. She slapped his hand away,

‘Just wait, will you? God you’re so bloody impatient, Hiddleston’

Tom laughed and she turned to look at him, smiling. For that split second things were how they used to be - just two friends laughing together. But then Tom’s smile dropped and he sighed,

‘I’ve missed you, Em’

There it was. The harsh reminder of how things were now. Emily looked away, placing the last item of clothing down and standing up straight. Ignoring Tom’s comment, she gestured to the sofa,

‘What do you think?’

Tom looked at her, disappointment clear on his face at her not even acknowledging what he’d just said before he finally looked at the clothes, picking up a suit,

‘This is very nice’

‘It’s Louis Vuitton. I think it’s going to fit you perfectly’ Emily said quickly, trying to get the focus back on her job. She picked up a shirt and tie, handing them to him,

‘Try this on. There’s a changing room just there’ she nodded her head to the corner of the room and Tom followed her gaze. He shrugged and sat down on the sofa, starting to untie his shoes. Emily watched as he slipped them off and stood up again, pulling his jumper over his head to reveal his bare chest. 

‘What are you doing?’ she stammered

Tom glanced up from where he was unfastening his belt,

‘Didn’t really think I needed to go in there. You’ve seen me getting changed hundreds of times before’ 

He looked away and popped the button on his jeans and slid the zip down, pushing his jeans down his legs and stepping out of them, turning his back to her as he picked up the suit trousers.  _ Jesus Christ……. _ was he doing this on purpose? Emily could barely take her eyes off him as he stood in front of her nonchalantly in his boxers. She squeezed her eyes shut, opening them seconds later to find that thankfully he now had the suit trousers on, and was sliding the shirt over his shoulders. There was a knock at the door, and Emily jumped up and dashed to open it. Sophie stood there smiling a widely with a pair of shoes in one hand and a tray of drinks in the other. She glanced over Emily’s shoulder and saw Tom standing there half dressed, her eyes widening. Emily quickly grabbed the shoes off her, throwing them towards Tom and snatched the tray from her hands

‘Thanks’ she snapped, closing the door in Sophie’s face. She walked back to Tom and put the drinks down as Tom fiddled with his collar and tie,

‘Can you help me?’ 

Emily took a deep breath and walked up to him, reaching up to straighten his collar and tuck the tie underneath it. She could feel him watching her intently, but she kept her eyes firmly on the clothing.

‘Thank you for coming to Coriolanus’ Tom said quietly, his eyes still focused on her.

Emily shrugged as she straightened his tie,

‘I couldn’t not be there, could I?’

‘I wasn’t sure. I wish you’d stayed afterwards though’

Emily started fiddling with the buttons on his shirt, anything to avoid looking at him,

‘I couldn’t. I’m sorry’

Tom sighed, ‘Em…..look at me’

She bit her lip and shook her head, as her hands started to tremble. Tom reached out and slid his hand around her waist, his other hand hooking under her chin and tilting her head up,

‘Em’ he whispered as finally her eyes met his. She was breathing heavily as she watched his gaze drop to her lips,

‘I can’t….’ she stuttered as her eyes filled with tears

Tom frowned and pulled her against his chest, wrapping his arms around her. She let herself fall into him, her hands clinging to the lapels of his suit as she sobbed. 

‘What’s going on Em? Talk to me’ Tom murmured as he stroked her hair. Her face still buried in his chest, Emily shook her head. God, she’d missed this, she’d missed  _ him.  _ But she couldn’t talk to him. She couldn’t tell him the truth, that she was a complete mess, barely getting through each day…...how she was constantly haunted by the fact that she had aborted his baby, the baby of the man she’d been in love with for more years than she even cared to count, and how every time she looked at Tom her heart broke for him and their child.

She sniffed and forced herself to step away from him,

‘I’m ok’ she mumbled, ‘I’ve just got some stuff going on, that’s all. I’ll be fine’

‘What sort of stuff? Why won’t you tell me?’

Tom reached for her again but she dodged him, dabbing at her eyes,

‘It doesn’t matter’

‘It matters to me when my best friend won’t talk to me anymore and I don’t even know why’ Tom huffed, raising his voice, ‘I promised your mum I’d look after you Em, but how can I when you won’t let me in?!’

Emily glared at him, ‘Don’t you dare! Don’t you  _ dare  _ bring my mum into this!’

‘Talk to me then!’ he shouted, staring at her.

‘You shouldn’t have come here today. Not to my work. You’re risking my job, coming in here and causing a scene like this!’ 

‘You’re the one who’s causing a scene Emily! All I’m doing is trying to see my best friend, why is that so bad? Seriously, just tell me what the fuck I’ve done wrong! Why are you being like this? Whatever’s happening, why are you taking it out on me?’

‘Because it’s your fault!!’ Emily screamed.

Tom froze, staring at her. Realising what she’d just said, Emily panicked. She had to get out of there. She stormed towards the door as Tom spoke again, more softly this time,

‘Where are you going?’

‘I’m done’ Emily barked. She paused with her hand on the door handle and turned back to him, ‘This……’ she gestured between them, ‘is done’

Tom started towards her as she opened the door, 

‘Em, please. I’m sorry. Don’t leave me’

Emily ducked out the door and shut it behind her. Fighting back tears she marched along the corridor and into Sophie’s office,

‘Soph, it’s your lucky day. Go and finish up Tom’s appointment for me please’

Sophie stared at her, ‘where are you going?’

‘I’ll be out for the rest of the afternoon’ she announced, walking backwards towards the door. She looked at Sophie, pointing at her sternly, ‘And we never mention this today ever again, ok?’

Sophie nodded anxiously and Emily turned, dashing back to her office to collect her coat and her bag and heading for the exit, Tom’s words ringing in her head,

_ Don’t leave me. _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I decided not to keep you all waiting for the next chapter! We're on the home run now with only one chapter left after this :(

_Please forgive me, I know not what I do_

 

_Please forgive me, I can't stop loving you_

 

_~_

‘I’m really sorry mum, I just don’t think I should risk it’ Tom apologised, as he sighed and muted the TV. 

‘It’s ok darling, I think you’re probably right. I’ll see you soon though, promise?’

‘I promise. Bye mum’

‘Bye darling. Look after yourself’

Tom hung up and threw the phone down on the sofa next to him. He was determined not to cry again, but this just  _ sucked.  _ It was Christmas in two days time and a huge amount of snow was forecast to be dumped on the UK sometime in the next forty eight hours, meaning it was too risky for him to drive home to his mums for Christmas, and the trains always ground to a halt at the first sign of any snow. God, everything in his life was going to shit. 

He’d arrived home just over a week ago from filming Avengers, and that’s when it had hit him. Everything that meant something to him had been taken away, piece by piece. He had nothing left. The one character that he’d loved playing more than any of the others, the one the fans loved, the character that had made his career, was dead - killed in the first five minutes of the latest film. Loki has been such a huge part of his life for seven years, and now he was gone. It was always going to be emotional saying goodbye to such a big character, but if the rest his life hadn’t been an absolute shit show as well, he might have been able to handle it. If he was honest, he’d first started feeling a bit low eighteen months ago…..when he lost Emily. She’d walked out of the suite at Selfridges and he hadn’t seen or spoken to her since, and from then on his mood had just been on a downward spiral. He thought back to that promise he’d made with Emily all those years ago of them getting married when they were thirty five. For their last two birthdays they hadn’t even spoken to each other……...and he still didn’t even know what he’d done wrong, why Emily had told him it was his fault. 

The doorbell rang, making him jump. He huffed and dragged himself up off the sofa, shuffling towards the front door and opening it to find Luke grinning at him as he struggled to keep a grip on the Christmas tree he was holding.

‘What’s this?’ Tom asked

Luke pushed past him into the house, ‘I thought you could do with some festive cheer’ he stood the tree up on its stand in the corner of the living room as Tom followed him, sitting down on the sofa and watching as he dug into the bag he’d had slung over his shoulder and pulling out lights, tinsel and tree baubles,

‘Thanks mate, but I’m not really in a festive cheer kind of mood’

Luke glanced at him over his shoulder, ‘That’s what I mean. Come on Tom, it’s Christmas!’

Tom folded his arms and put his feet up on the coffee table as Luke busied himself dressing the tree, 

‘What’s with the beard?’ he asked

Tom shrugged, ‘Couldn’t be bothered to shave’

Luke stopped what he was doing and looked at him, ‘Mate, I’m worried about you’

‘Don’t be’ he answered abruptly.

Luke shook his head and turned his attention back to the tree, ‘Do you wanna come over to mine on Christmas Day?’

Tom shook his head, ‘Thanks mate but I’m ok. It’ll actually be nice to have a bit of time in my own’ he lied.

Christmas Day came and went again very uneventfully. Tom didn’t even get out of bed apart from to use the bathroom and get food and drink, which he took back to bed with him. His Christmas dinner was a bowl of cereal. He did the same on Boxing Day, and the following two days after that. Not even the two foot of snow outside could raise any excitement in him. He’d watched more cheesy Christmas films than he cared to think about, most of them reducing him to tears due to his emotions running so high. He was a mess and he knew it, but he didn’t have the energy or enthusiasm to do anything about it.  

When his phone rang the day before New Years Eve, he considered not even bothering to answer it, but he knew Luke was worried about him, 

‘Hey man’ he greeted Luke in his best fake cheerful voice

‘How are you dude?’ Luke asked, concern clear in his voice. 

Tom sighed, ‘A bit shitty if I’m honest’ he answered, his voice trembling. God, he couldn’t cry on the phone to his manager.

‘I thought as much’ Luke replied, ‘Look I’m gonna come round later, ok? So get up, have a shower and get dressed’

‘How do you know-‘ Tom started

‘Because I know you’ Luke interrupted, ‘My guess, judging by your mood lately, is that you haven’t got out of bed all week and you’ve barely eaten’

Tom didn’t reply, too busy trying to hold himself together and not bawl his eyes out at Luke knowing exactly what state he was in. 

‘I knew it’ Luke said, sighing, ‘I’ve just gotta take care of a couple of things and I’ll be over, ok? And I’m not taking no for an answer’

‘Thanks man’ Tom said quietly.

He hung the phone up and looked at the screen, opening his text messages. He called up a new message, scrolling through his address book and selecting Emily’s number before typing a single sentence,

_ I can’t do this anymore without you. _

His finger hovered over the send button for a few seconds as he stared at the screen, tears trickling down his cheeks. He huffed and deleted the message instead, throwing his phone down on the bed and covering his face with his hands. 

~

Emily groaned and rolled her eyes as her front doorbell rang, ‘Who the fuck is that?’ She mumbled. 

Ben had just left and she had been looking forward to an evening infront of the TV, and absolutely not thinking about Tom. Yeah right, who was she trying to kid? She tried not to think about him every day, but it never worked. Whoever had said that time was a healer was a liar. It still hurt today as much as it had eighteen months ago when she’d left him in the suite at work. At first he’d bombarded her with texts, emails and phonecalls, desperately trying to speak to her. She’d ignored them all and then after about six months they stopped. He’d given up and she’d lost the most important person in her life, the man she loved with her whole heart. She was a mess.

Swinging her legs off the sofa, she stomped into the hallway and opened the door,

‘Luke?’

He smiled awkwardly back at her, ‘Hi Emily’

‘What are you doing here?’

He sighed, ‘It’s Tom’

Emily’s blood ran cold, ‘What’s happened? Is he ok?’

‘He’s ok…….just’

‘Just?’

Luke sighed again, ‘Can I come in?’

Emily looked at him for a moment before stepping back and allowing him in. She closed the front door behind him and guided him into the front room where he sat nervously on the edge of the sofa as Emily seated herself across from him,

‘What’s this about Luke?’

‘He’s in a bad place Em. He’s really,  _ really  _ down and I don’t know what to do for him anymore. I was hoping maybe……’ he shifted awkwardly and cleared his throat before continuing, ‘Maybe you could talk to him’

Emily shook her head vigorously, ‘I don’t know if I’m the person you should be coming to’ she stood up and paced over to the window, ‘Me and Tom aren’t like we used to be, you must know that. I haven’t seen him for…...a long time. I’m sure there’s other people that would be better -‘

‘He misses you’ Luke interrupted, ‘So much’

Emily turned back to him, ‘I miss him too, but we’re not the people we used to be. We’ve both grown up, we lead different lives now.…….’ she paused and sighed, ‘We’ve moved on’

Luke stood and walked over to her, desperation in his eyes, ‘Em, please. I’m worried about him. If anyone can get through to him, it’s you’

Emily looked at him, her eyes welling with tears.

_ Damn you Luke Windsor. Damn you for turning up on my doorstep and making me think about Tom. Do you know how hard it’s been for me to stay away from him? _

‘Please Em’ Luke begged, ‘He’s still your Tom’

_ He was never my Tom. _

Emily shook her head sadly and turned away from Luke.

~

‘Thank you Emily’ Luke said, taking his eyes off the road to glance across at her as she sat in the passenger seat. She stared straight ahead, nodding gently. 

They pulled through the familiar gates and parked the car, climbing out and walking towards the front door. Emily turned to Luke, ‘Does he know I’m coming?’

Luke rang the doorbell and turned back to her, wincing, ‘No?’

‘Shit, Luke’ Emily cursed. She stopped and ran her hands through her hair anxiously, ‘This is a bad idea. I shouldn’t have come’ she began to back away as her throat tightened and she started to panic. She turned and headed towards the car, stopping  when she heard Luke talking behind her,

‘Hello mate. I’ve brought someone to see you. I thought she might be able to cheer you up’

‘Em?’ stuttered a voice. It was different to how she remembered. It was quieter, sad…...lonely. At that moment she knew she couldn’t leave. She turned around slowly, to see Tom standing in the doorway. He looked tired, his hair had grown and and he had a full beard. But fuck, he was still gorgeous. Emily walked slowly back towards him, only speaking as she stopped in front of him,

‘Hi’

‘Em’ he breathed, lunging forwards and throwing his arms around her, burying his face in her neck and starting to cry. She found herself holding him tight, stroking his hair as she murmured

‘Hey, what’s this all about?’

Tom mumbled something indecipherable and held her even tighter. Emily craned her head to look at Luke who gave her a reassuring smile as he stepped forwards and patted Tom on the back, ‘I’m gonna leave you two to have a chat. Just call me if you need anything’

He moved his hand to Emily’s shoulder, and squeezed it gently, ‘Thanks Em. Look after him for me, yeah’

‘Of course I will’ she answered, smiling quietly at him. She listened as he walked away, his car door opening and shutting again and the engine starting before the car pulled away, and it was just her and Tom standing on his doorstep. He was still sobbing his heart out and any feelings of her own that Emily had about this moment had been pushed aside and replaced with genuine concern for the man that was clinging to her like his life depended on it.

‘Tom’ she whispered, trying to push him away from her so she could look at him, but his grip on her only got tighter, ‘Tom…...hey, c’mon’ she wiggled out of his arms and he took a step back and looked at her with bloodshot eyes as reached for her hands,

‘I can’t believe you’re here’

She couldn’t help but smile as she reached up and pushed his hair off his face, ‘I’m here. Let’s go inside, yeah? You can tell me what’s going on’

He nodded sadly and turned back into the house, Emily following behind, watching as he shuffled into the living room and sat down. At that moment Bobby charged towards her yelping with excitement

‘Bobby!!’ she chirped, bending down to pick him up and cuddle him. She buried her face in his fur and breathed him in, kissing his head. It wasn’t only Tom she hadn’t seen, it was Bobby as well and she’d missed him almost as much.

‘It’s been a while’ Tom sniffed, forcing a small smile as he watched. Emily looked at him and bit her lip, as she put Bobby back down on the floor, ‘Yeah’’

‘Did Luke ask you to come tonight?’

She nodded, ‘He turned up out of the blue on my doorstep and said he was worried about you’

Tom looked into his lap and shook his head, ‘I’m ok’

Emily sighed and put her hands on her hips, ‘Tom, you are not ok. Talk to me…...what’s happening?’

Tom shook his head again, ‘Everything’s gone……..it’s all a mess’

Emily perched on the sofa next to him, ‘What do you mean?’

He huffed and waved his hands in the air in despair, ‘I mean everything. Loki’s gone, you’re gone….. I’m useless. I’m so useless that my best friend doesn’t even want to know me anymore’

‘Tom………..’ Emily started

‘No, it’s true’ he argued, turning his whole body towards her, ‘I thought I’d always have you. Best friends, right? But I even managed to mess that up’

He stared back into his lap and Emily watched, unsure what to say. How could she tell him the truth when he was already so fragile?

‘Remember when Ben dumped you? We made a promise that if we were both still single when we were thirty five, we’d get married. That was the one promise in my life I was determined not to break’

Emily swallowed hard. How could she ever forget? It had haunted her ever since their thirty fifth birthdays.

‘That was years ago, it was just talk. I don’t hold it against you…...we weren’t serious’

‘I was’ Tom replied instantly, looking back up at her. He sighed and looked vacantly across the room. He had nothing else to lose now, he might as well tell her.

‘For years I hoped that maybe you felt the same about me as I did about you. I wanted to tell you but I just couldn’t find the words so I tried to show you, but all I ended up doing was pushing you away’

Emily stared at him, her eyes wide. What? She pushed herself off the sofa, shaking her head,

‘I…….’ she mumbled as the room started to spin. She felt like her throat was closing up as she dashed for the back door and flung it open, stumbling out into the back garden and reaching out to steady herself on one of Toms old wooden garden chairs as she took a couple of deep breaths and closed her eyes. She couldn’t process what he was saying. Standing upright again, she began pacing the garden. What did he mean when he said he hoped she felt the same? She chewed anxiously on her thumbnail as she tried to make sense of it. Her emotions were already on a rollercoaster just from seeing him again after so long, and now…….was he trying to tell her it had been more than just a friendship to him as well?

~

Tom watched as Emily disappeared from the living room. He called after her but she didn’t even look back. He’d really done it this time. A large sob burst from his chest and he dropped his head forwards into his hands, his body shaking as he cried.

_ You’re such an idiot. This was your chance to make amends with your best friend and instead you’ve fucked it up yet again. _

He didn’t know how long he sat there, tugging at his hair in despair as the tears streamed down his face before suddenly he heard movement and looked up to see Emily standing in the living room doorway, her cheeks stained with tears of her own. Never taking her eyes off him, she walked towards him and sat down on the coffee table infront of him,

‘I need to know what you’re saying’ she said matter of factly, her expression unreadable. Tom looked back at her for a few seconds, before scrubbing at his eyes and taking a deep breath,

‘I’ve been in love with you for as long as I can remember. Probably ever since that first day I met you as a 5 year old child. I guess for a long time I was in denial. I thought i’d get over it.. But then things kept happening between us and I was so confused. I was too scared to talk to you so I tried so hard to show you how I felt but every time I did, you withdrew more and more and I realised all I was doing was scaring you away’

Tom reached forwards and took her hands, looking up at her. She was so beautiful, even when she cried, ‘Em, nothing in my life has ever felt as right as the time I’ve spent with you, and I need you to know that. I need you to know how hopelessly in love with you I am. I’ve tried to get over it, but I can’t. All those other women, they were nothing compared to you. They were mere substitutes. It’s you, Em……….it’s always been you’

He watched as tears streamed down her face, yet she said nothing. She just looked at him.

_ Remember this moment. Look at her. Memorise every part of her face because this is the last time you’ll ever see her. You’ve ruined everything. _

_ ‘ _ I’m sorry’ he stuttered, trying to backtrack. ‘Please, don’t walk away from me again. Just forget about my feelings, pretend I never said anything. I’d rather have you in my life as a friend than not at all. I need you, I need my best friend. Please Em……’

Emily gripped his hands and bit her lip as he stared at her. She choked out a sob and shook her head, looking down at where their hands were clasped together,

‘I can’t forget’ she whispered, ‘I can’t be your best friend anymore’

Tom squeezed her hands, ‘Please Em, don’t do this’ he begged, his voice breaking.

She drew in a breath and looked up at him, ‘I didn’t know you felt that way….. but you have no idea how long I’ve been dreaming of hearing you say those words to me’

Tom stared at her as the realisation hit him, ‘You mean…….’

Emily nodded, ‘I love you so much’ she whispered, ‘I always have and I think I always will’

Tom exhaled loudly and smiled at her, fresh tears pooling in his eyes. He shuffled forwards to the edge of the sofa and let go of her hands, reaching out to cup her face. She held his gaze, her own tears falling freely as he leant slowly into her, watching as her eyelids fluttered shut and pausing for a second before pressing his lips against hers. He felt her exhale softly as her hands gently grabbed fistfuls of his t shirt and she opened her mouth allowing his tongue to slide against hers. Tom moaned as he deepened the kiss, sliding one of his hands around to the back of her head. Suddenly Emily broke the kiss, letting out a choked sob and burying her face in her hands, her body shaking as she cried. Taken aback, Tom watched her for a second before pulling her towards him, the top of her head hitting his chest as she kept her hands clasped to her face.

‘Em?’ he pushed her shoulders back gently and hooked his finger under her chin, tilting it upwards until her eyes met his.

‘I lied to you’ she whispered. Tom reached out and brushed a wet strand of hair off her cheek, ‘Darling I think we’ve both been lying to each other for a long time. It doesn’t matter now, it’s all ok….’

Suddenly Emily launched herself to her feet and stepped away from him across the room, ‘It’s not ok, Tom! It’s really,  _ really  _ not ok!! You don’t know what I did!’ she sighed and ran her hands through her hair, turning away from him. 

Tom stood up and walked towards her cautiously, stopping behind her and resting his hands on her waist. Her body tensed at his touch as he kissed her shoulder softly, ‘What is it Em?’ he asked, turning her around to face him and framing her face in his hands, ‘What did you do?’

‘I thought I was doing the right thing. You were with Taylor and you seemed so happy and I -‘

‘Em, please’ he interrupted, ‘Just tell me’

She looked at him, her face distraught, almost desperate, ‘I had an abortion’ she whispered. Tom dropped his hands and took a step back, staring at her as his mind raced,

‘What?’

Emily stood completely still, tears streaming down her face as she watched him.

‘It was mine?’

She bit her lip and nodded slowly, looking at the floor. Florida…….the night Tom had re lived over and over again in his head for the last few years. He hadn’t even asked if she was on the pill, his desperation and lust for her had taken over. A wave of nausea hitting him, Tom turned on his heels and ran for the bathroom, barely making it before his lunch made an unwelcome reappearance. He stayed leant forwards with one hand steadying himself on the wall, as he wiped his mouth with the back of his other hand and closed his eyes.

‘Here’

He turned around to see Emily holding out a glass of water. He took it from her and sipped it slowly,

‘Everything makes sense now. The way you avoided me, why everything changed’ Tom flushed the toilet and pushed past her back into the living room, putting the glass down as Emily followed. He paced the room, trying to think straight. Emily had been carrying his baby, a child he never even knew about, and she’d made the decision to abort it without telling him. Suddenly he remembered how exhausted and detached she’d been that day he went to collect Bobby from her,

‘That day we took Bobby for a walk before Taylor arrived and you said you’d been ill…...that was why, wasn’t it?’

Emily nodded slowly as a tear trickled down her cheek.

‘Jesus’, Tom cursed, ‘Why didn’t you just tell me?’

‘I found out I was pregnant about six weeks after we got back from Florida. We hadn’t spoken since we got back, everything felt weird. The day I was going to call you to tell you was the day the pictures of you and Taylor broke’ Emily paused and swallowed hard, fighting back tears, ‘You seemed so happy. You told me you thought she was the one. I thought there was no hope for us, that Florida was just a one night stand…..I didn’t know what else to do. I’m sorry’

‘Sorry??’ Tom spat, ‘You’re sorry?? What the  _ fuck,  _ Emily? How could you do that?’

‘You have no idea how hard it was, not being able to talk to you!’ Emily shouted, ‘And you know why? Because you were too busy parading Taylor fucking Swift around like some sort of trophy, gushing to anyone who cared to listen about how wonderful she was!’

‘I was lying! I was lying to everyone because I thought you didn’t want me!’

‘How was I meant to know that?! What was I supposed to do?’ Emily screamed as they glared at each other from opposite sides of the room, both in tears. Tom sighed and ran his hands through his hair before gesturing angrily at her stomach,

‘That was my baby’ he shouted 

Emily shook her head, ‘You don’t need to remind me, thanks. I could never forget, every day I have to live with what I did, and it’s hell’

‘Am I supposed to feel sorry for you? Tell you it’s ok? Well I don’t, and it’s not, because YOU DIDN’T TELL ME! You did this, all of this, without me. We had a fucking  _ child _ Em! A living, breathing little person!’ 

Emily completely crumbled, sinking into the sofa with her head in her hands. Tom looked to the ceiling and let out a deep breath, walking over to dining table and pulling out a chair, dropping himself into it. He felt terrible for not going to Emily, but he just couldn’t. He could barely bring himself to look at her. This changed everything.

They sat in silence for a long time, Emily stopped crying after a while and just sat on the sofa staring straight ahead of her, at nothing. Eventually she spoke,

‘Where do we go from here?’

Tom sighed, ‘I don’t know’

‘Do you want me to go?’

He looked at her, ‘Yeah. I think I do’

Emily nodded sadly, standing up. She walked towards the door, pausing and looking back at him,

‘I really am sorry. But I couldn’t lie to you any more, not if we were going to….’ she trailed off as her voice broke.

Tom nodded as he looked into his lap. He couldn’t speak, he couldn’t watch her go. His vision blurred with tears as he heard her opening the front door,

‘I love you’ Emily said quietly, and then she was gone.

 


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well here we are, the last chapter! Thank you to everyone that has stuck with ‘Tomily’ through all the heartache! I hope you enjoy this and Happy Christmas!  
> P.S There will be an Epilogue at some point in the not too distant future so stay tuned!

_What if we rewrite the stars?_

  
_Say you were made to be mine_

  
_Nothing could keep us apart_

  
_You'd be the one I was meant to find_

  
_It's up to you, and it's up to me_

  
_No one can say what we get to_ _be_

  
_So why don't we rewrite the stars?_

  
_Maybe the world could be ours_

  
_Tonight_

_~_

 

Emily burst through her front door, crying so hard she could barely breathe. Only she could get everything she’d ever wanted, and lose it again within a couple of hours. It just proved that Tom was never meant to be hers. She let out another sob and climbed the stairs slowly, going into her bedroom and pulling her clothes off, leaving them in a pile on the floor before reaching for Tom’s hoodie and slipping it on. She climbed into bed and curled herself up in a ball, reaching across her bed and grabbing blindly for the Stitch toy that Tom had bought her, which had lived on her bed ever since. 

_ Any time you need a hug, if I’m not there to give you one…… _

She wasn’t ashamed to say she’d spent so many nights clinging to the stupid stuffed animal, desperately wishing it was Tom. She pulled it against her and squeezed her eyes shut, willing the tears to stop. Tom loved her, and she’d broken his heart. God, if only she’d known, things could have been so different now. They could have been together,  _ properly  _ together…….their baby would be just over a year old. They could have been a family. She’d spent so many years hiding her feelings, too scared of losing Tom to do anything about it, but in the end she’d lost him anyway. Her broken sobs echoed around the silent room, the pain and hurt tearing through her body until she couldn’t feel anything but a dark emptiness and she finally fell asleep.

~ 

Tom hadn’t slept a wink. After Emily left he’d continued sitting at the table for a long time, loud heaving sobs tearing from his chest as the grief poured out of him. Finally he stood, stumbling to the sofa and throwing himself down onto it on his back, staring at the ceiling. He hadn’t moved since, going over and over everything in his head, trying to make some sense of it all. He cursed himself for being such a coward, for not telling Emily how he felt about her. If he had, none of this would be happening. He should have tried harder to talk to her that last night in Florida, but instead he’d hidden in the bathroom like a wimp and chickened out of speaking to her once they were home too. He’d made Emily feel like she couldn’t talk to him, left her alone to deal with the consequences of their dalliance while he rubbed his newest girlfriend in her face. He tried to look past his anger and understand how she must have felt. Despite his own upset, he’d seen yesterday how broken she was by it too. The way she’d been acting for the last two years proved to him all too clearly how much it had affected her. He was meant to look after her, and he hadn’t. He’d let her down, leaving her scared and helpless. He ran his hands down his cheeks as he glanced at the clock. It was just over 24 hours since she’d walked out of his house, and out of his life again. Losing a baby he didn’t know he even had was hard enough but losing Emily all over again, especially knowing that she loved him too, was something he couldn’t even bear to imagine. Tom leapt off the sofa and dashed to the front door, pausing to quickly pull his shoes and his coat on before he was stepping out into the cold, slamming the front door behind him. He started running, which was a lot easier said than done with the pavements being covered in snow and ice, but nonetheless he sprinted as fast as he could towards Emily’s house. As he ran past the pub, dodging the crowds of people that had spilled outside, he realised they were counting down the seconds to midnight, and the start of the new year.

~ 

How could Emily care about the new year when she didn’t even really care about life anymore? She lay in bed in the darkness, listening to the faint cheers of people in the pub around the corner as they celebrated the clock striking midnight, and sighed sadly. Suddenly there was a bang on her front door, making her sit bolt upright in surprise. It wasn’t just a knock, someone was thumping on her door desperately. She stared into the darkness as she listened, a muffled but familiar voice started shouting over the top of the frantic pounding,

‘Emily!!’’

_ Thud, thud _

‘Em, it’s me!’

Emily launched herself off the bed and stumbled across the room in the darkness, flicking the light switch on in the hallway as she scurried down the stairs. At the sight of a light going on, the knocking subsided to a gentle tap until Emily reached the door, flinging it open and staring at Tom as he looked back at her,

‘I can’t start another year without you’ he breathed, surging forwards and taking her face in his hands as he pressed his lips to hers in a rough but chaste kiss. He pulled back and rested his forehead against hers and Emily could see tears in his eyes,

‘I love you’ he whispered, his voice trembling with emotion

‘I love you too’ Emily stuttered, ‘I’m sorry…….I’m so, so sorry’

She started to cry and Tom wrapped his arms around her protectively, pulling her against him,

‘I know. It’s gonna be ok Em, I promise’ he kissed the top of her head softly as he stroked her hair, 

‘Let’s go and sit down, yeah?’

Emily reluctantly let go of him and sniffed, nodding. Tom shut the front door and took her hand, guiding her into the front room. He sat down on the sofa and pulled her into his lap, wrapping his arms around her, 

‘Yesterday was both the best and worst day of my life. You mended my heart and then broke it all over again’ he blinked and a tear ran down his cheek, ‘but I spent all night thinking about it and although I still wish you’d just spoken to me, I understand why you felt that you couldn’t’

‘I’m sorry’ Emily whispered again.

Tom reached up and brushed the tears from her cheeks, ‘I’m sorry too. I let you down Em. I should have been there for you, and I wasn’t. I’ll never forgive myself for making you go through that alone’ he paused to take a shaky breath, reaching out and pushing her hair off her face, 

‘I love you…….I love you more than anything. Losing our baby hurt, but losing you hurt even more and I don’t want to waste another second of my life without you. I want to give you the world, Em….... I want to give you everything you deserve, everything I should have been giving you for the last god knows how many years…...if you’ll let me’

Emily looked at him, stroking her hand down his tear stained cheek as he continued, 

‘And we’ll have another baby, maybe two or even three….but this time I’ll be there. I’ll be with you, just like I should have been the first time. I swear on my life, I will never, ever let you down again’

Tears streaming down her face, Emily leant forward and kissed him before pulling back and running her fingers softly through his curls, 

‘You’re all I’ve ever wanted…...I love you’ she whispered. Tom smiled at her,

‘I love you so much. God, I never thought I’d get to actually say those three words to you’

He gripped the back of her neck and pulled her into a kiss, immediately sliding his tongue into her mouth and letting out a small moan as Emily shifted in his lap so that she was straddling him. Tom stroked his hands up her spine and she shivered involuntarily making them giggle into each other’s mouths.

‘Come home with me’ Tom whispered

Emily looked at him, ‘Can’t we stay here?’

Tom shook his head, ‘Bobby’

He turned his attention to the hoodie Emily was wearing and tugged gently on the arm as he smiled,

‘Can’t believe you’ve still got this’

‘Of course I have’ Emily replied as Tom took her wrist where the sleeve of the hoodie had slipped down, touching the bracelet that hung around her wrist, 

‘And you’re still wearing this’

Emily glanced down at the Tiffany bracelet, ‘I never take it off’

‘You looked beautiful that night’ Tom smiled, thinking back to how she’d taken his breath away as he’d stepped out the car to pick her up.

Emily smirked, ‘I spent all night desperate to get you out of that suit’

‘We’ve wasted so many years’ Tom sighed

Emily framed his face with her hands, ‘I know…….’ she smiled suggestively, ‘I guess that means we’ve got some making up to do’

Tom hummed in agreement, kissing her neck and sending more shivers down her spine,

‘We need to go…….now’ he whispered, pushing her gently off his lap and standing up,

‘And bring your toothbrush and a few spare clothes because I don’t plan on letting you go anywhere for a few days’

Emily smiled before turning and dashing upstairs. Tom sat down on the sofa again while he waited and took a deep breath. He was taking Emily home. She’d stayed at his house hundreds of times in the past, but this time it would be different. They’d be sharing a bed but now he could touch her, make love to her, fall asleep with her in his arms after he’d told her how much he loved her…...all the things he’d dreamed about for years but never thought would happen. 

Emily reappeared carrying a small hold-all, dropping it to the floor as she bent to put her shoes on. Tom stood, walking over to her and picking it up as she finished tying her laces and pulled her coat on,

‘Ready?’ he asked eagerly, one hand already on the door. Emily nodded and Tom slung the hold-all over his shoulder and opened the front door. He wandered slowly down the path waiting for Emily as she locked the door behind them, and held out his hand as she walked towards him. She smiled widely at him and took it as they started to walk. It had started snowing again and the pavements were covered in a fresh layer of white, making them slippery. Several times Tom had to catch Emily as she nearly slid over, and by the time they finally arrived back to his house she was clinging to him like a limpet. They both moaned gratefully as the warmth of Tom’s house hit them when they walked through the door. Once they’d taken their coats and shoes off, Tom handed Emily her bag,

‘Go get ready for bed. I’ll just let Bobby out and feed him and then I’ll follow you’

He leant down and kissed her quickly, ‘I won’t be long’

Emily watched as he walked away towards the kitchen with Bobby trotting along behind him, before wandering towards his bedroom. She put her hold-all down on the floor and got her toothbrush out, ducking into the bathroom where she washed her face and brushed her teeth. She walked back into the bedroom and looked around. All of a sudden she was ridiculously nervous. The bedroom door opened and Tom stepped in and shut the door quietly behind him, smiling at her as she stood awkwardly in the middle of the room. He walked slowly towards her and slipped his hands around her waist, 

‘There’s no need to be scared Em. It’s me and you now, ok? Just me and you…...this is the first night of the rest of our lives’

Emily nodded as she bit her lip, her eyes darting between his eyes and his lips. Tom hooked his finger under her chin,

‘I love you’ he whispered.

‘I love you’ Emily breathed, still unable to believe she was actually saying those words to him. Tom pressed his lips to hers and Emily immediately opened her mouth to allow his tongue to slide against hers as she let out a shaky breath.

‘Take this off’ Tom whispered into her mouth as he tugged on the bottom of her hoodie. She relaxed her arms so that he could pull it up and over her head, dropping it on the floor beside them. Still fighting back the butterflies in her stomach, she reached for his sweater, sliding it up his torso. Tom wriggled his arms out and pulled it off, dropping it with her hoodie. Then his hands and mouth were back on her, kissing her neck as he unhooked her bra and slid it off her shoulders, pressing gentle kisses there as he went. Holding her hips gently, Tom walked Emily backwards until the backs of her knees hit the bed, and she lowered herself onto it. He grabbed the waistband of her leggings and peeled them down, taking her knickers too before undoing his belt and jeans, shoving them down his legs. He stood naked at the end of the bed, taking Emily in as she looked back at him,

‘Fuck Em, you’re beautiful’ he breathed, shaking his head. He dropped to his knees on the bed and took hold of her leg, lifting it and kissing up the inside of her thigh, across her hips and up her stomach. Emily squirmed under his touch, her body aching for him. She reached down and tangled her hands in his hair as he worked his way up to her breasts, taking her nipple into his mouth and circling it with his tongue, sucking gently. Emily moaned and arched off the bed, her breathing getting heavier by the moment.

‘Tom….’ she stuttered. He crawled the rest of the way up her body and pressed himself against her, his cock nudging at her entrance. He paused to kiss her hungrily, his breathing as heavy as her own, and then he was pushing gently into her. God, Emily had forgotten how big he was, the stretch of him taking her breath away.

‘You feel amazing’ Tom whispered in her ear as he started to move. Slow, deep thrusts that made her gasp every time he plunged back into her.

‘Oh my god’ Tom groaned, his face buried in her neck, ‘oh god…….I love you, Em’

Emily tried to reply but all she could manage was a whimper that turned into a scream as she arched off the bed, her orgasm ripping through her body and her fingernails digging into Tom’s shoulders as she clenched around him. Tom growled and his hips stuttered as he thrust into her one last time as his own orgasm washed over him. They both lay still for a few minutes catching their breath, before Tom propped himself up on one elbow and smiled at her, brushing her hair off her face,

‘Happy New Year’

Emily giggled, ‘Happy New Year’

~

Tom woke the next morning to an empty bed. Dread rose in his chest as he started to panic - had Emily run away again? Suddenly there was crash from the kitchen before Emily cursed,

‘Fuck it!’

She was still here. Tom smirked and swung his legs out of bed, pulling on a pair of boxers and heading towards the kitchen to see what was going on. He reached the doorway and stopped to watch as Emily juggled frying pans and pots on the hob, unaware of his presence. He walked up behind her and slid his hands around her waist, kissing her shoulder and making her yelp in surprise,

‘Good morning gorgeous’ he mumbled as Emily immediately relaxed again, turning her head to nuzzle against his,

‘What are you doing?’ he asked

‘I’m cooking you breakfast…….it was meant to be a surprise’ she huffed, ‘but I guess I woke you up when I dropped the frying pan’ 

‘I’d rather have you back in bed’ Tom whispered, turning her round and pinning her against the worktop and kissing her hard. She made a little noise of protest but wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him back,

‘How long until breakfast is ready?’ He mumbled, nibbling on her ear,

‘F-five minutes ish’ she breathed

‘I’ll be quick’ he panted, grabbing her thighs and lifting her up onto the counter, pulling her pyjama shorts off urgently before pushing his boxers down his thighs just far enough to free his cock. He yanked her forwards to the edge of the counter and eased into her, immediately starting to thrust quickly as Emily gasped, clinging to his neck to steady herself. She dropped her head back, closing her eyes and Tom lowered his head to kiss along her collar bones as he felt his orgasm start to build. Tightening his grip on her thighs, he pounded into her rough and hard as Emily moaned and he felt her walls convulsing around him as she came. 

‘Fuck, Em’ he stuttered and with a few more frantic thrusts he was spilling into her as he bit her shoulder gently.

‘You’re a distraction, Hiddleston’ Emily whispered, running her hands down his chest as he lifted his head and grinned at her. He pulled out and slid his boxers back up as Emily slithered off the counter and flashed him another smile, putting her shorts back on and turning her attention back to finishing their breakfast.   

Once they’d eaten, Emily got dressed and took Bobby out into the garden to play in the snow while Tom washed up the breakfast things. He smiled as he stood at the sink watching them out the window, Bobby bouncing around in the fresh snow as Emily threw snowballs at him and he yelped in delight as he tried to catch them and eat them.

Just a week ago Tom had thought his life was over. But now, he felt like it was just beginning. He had the woman of his dreams and he knew she was as crazy about him as he was about her. He couldn’t wait to spend the rest of his life with her. Suddenly he had a thought…….it was madness, but it felt right. He dashed into his bedroom and pulled open a drawer, turning over its contents in search of the small box he’d placed in there six years ago, finding it buried right at the bottom. Ramming it into his pocket he grabbed his coat and shoes and stepped out into the back garden where Emily was chasing Bobby around, laughing as he ploughed through the snow, barking like a lunatic. As she went to run past Tom he reached his hand out to catch her arm and pull her back.

‘What’s wrong?’ she asked, sensing his nervousness

Tom blew out a breath, ‘Em…….you know when we made that promise to get married years ago?’

Emily eyed him suspiciously, ‘Yeah…..’

‘The day after, I went out and bought you a ring’

Emily stared at him wide eyed as he pulled the box out of his pocket, ‘I told you I was serious’

‘What are you-‘ Emily began as Tom dropped to one knee and took her hand,

‘I loved you back then and I love you even more now. You’re everything I’ve ever wanted and I’ve known for years that you are the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with…..’

He flipped the box open and held it out towards Emily as her eyes darted between the ring and him, and a tear escaped her eye, trickling down her cheek,

‘This might sound crazy but I’ve never been more sure of anything in my whole entire life. I love you with everything I have, Em……...please, will you marry me?’

Emily let out a sob and launched herself at him, knocking him backwards into the snow and landing on top of him, her head buried in his neck as she cried

Tom wrapped his arms around her, still clutching the ring in one hand, ‘Em, say something’

She sat up and looked at him, as he scrambled back onto his knees, looking at her expectantly,

‘Yes’ she breathed, nodding, ‘Yes, I’ll marry you’

Tom laughed as his own tears started to fall and he grabbed Emily’s face, kissing her hard before pulling her into a hug as they knelt in the snow, crying into each other’s shoulders. They stayed like that for a couple of minutes, both processing what had just happened, until Tom released her and took hold of her left hand. He removed the ring from the box and slid it onto Emily’s finger as she watched,

‘It fits’ she stuttered, holding her hand up to admire it, ‘it’s beautiful’

Their eyes met again and they smiled at each other happily,

‘You’re still my best friend Em’ Tom whispered.

Emily wrapped her hands around his neck and pulled him back to her,

‘Always’ she replied.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 

 


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